Re: freedom to chose --NOT -- RSQUBF discussion forum

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Date Posted: 11:35:52 10/21/04 Thu
Author: Chris
Subject: Re: freedom to chose --NOT
In reply to: Brother in Christ 's message, "Re: freedom to chose --NOT" on 09:52:00 10/21/04 Thu

Brother in Christ, you are right, there are extreme cases and less extreme cases. There is no "handbook of spiritual abuse" in UBF. The rules of arranged marriage are not written down anywhere. So there are different experiences, depending on who is your chapter leader, and depending on your own personality. Chapter leaders can decide arbitrarily. If they are in a good mood, or if you are important for them, they may have mercy with you. As has been explained, they know how much abuse a person can endure before he leaves. They try to have it just below that level.

Arranged marriages have two aspects.

First, the aspect of arrangement. They suggest whom you should marry. You said you experienced that as well. I think it is not normal and healthy that leaders engage in suggesting marriage candidates. Normally, you are allowed to reject the proposal. But often, you are called unthankful, disobedient, or they say you will miss God's blessing and never have a blessed marriage if you do not accept the first candidate unseen which is considered the ideal case in UBF. If you will reject the proposals too often, you will get into trouble.

Second, the aspect of prohibited marriages. Can you really freely make a marriage proposal to anybody in your chapter? In our chapter, this was not allowed. I saw this happen, and the two were very firm in their decision. They had to leave UBF, there was no other way (though they wanted to stay). This was not tolerated. Marriage arrangements and engagements can also canceled by the leader when you are considered not spiritual (obedient) enough. This is another kind of abuse I personally experienced and which was reported from others.

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