Re: 2nd gen marriages -- RSQUBF discussion forum

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Date Posted: 07:20:30 10/16/04 Sat
Author: Chris
Subject: Re: 2nd gen marriages
In reply to: hannah 's message, "Re: 2nd gen marriages" on 23:39:16 10/15/04 Fri

I do know that a lot of shephers have married the person they wanted to marry,

I believe that many of those who had arranged marriages are reluctant to admit how the marriage was arranged. They don't want to scare away their sheep or younger members. And they are ashamed that they did not chose their partners on their own, but followed their leaders only. They want to give the impression that they had been the ones who had been in control and that they are like ordinary people.

I can recall only one marriage that was not arranged in Germany, when a shepherd from Dortmund married a Korean woman missionary. They are still married happily. But it did not go without severe punishments and intervention from Abraham K Lee in Cologne who tried to expel the two. They had to undergo a lot of trouble in that time instead of having a happy time, and afterwards never where accepted as fully-fledged UBFins, but as unspiritual misfits. And it could only happen because the Dortmund chapter was less abusive and authoritarian than the others. It also joined the reform movement in 2001. It could have never happened in the main chapters such as Cologne, Heidelberg or Bonn. If you would have proposed a marriage to somebody, you would have immediately expelled or sent away for "training" in a different chapter. It did not happend very often, because UBFins were conditioned to not even think of the possibility to propose a marriage to somebody on their own. It was kind of unthinkable. Nevertheless, in my last year in UBF, I saw it happen, and the two had to leave UBF in order to marry. They were not allowed to marry in UBF. Though they invited all their former "friends" from UBF to their marriage, nobody came except me and my wife. The bride once had made the wedding cake for our UBF arranged marriage, and we made a weeding cake for them. She had been the one who had the most 1:1 bible studies of all. UBF would rather expel her than allowing her to marry who she wanted. By the way, her husband was not an unbeliever. He was and is a devoted Christian and was a UBF member at that time.

I believe it was not different in the American UBF. Once an American shepherd visited our Heidelberg chapter. In his testimony he mentioned how he made a proposal of marriage to a girl on his own, then he bas rebuked and had to repent. He repented for pride, "sinful desire," "self-will" etc. He concluded that he was now waiting for God's time (UBF lingo for waiting for the decision of the leader). Of course, the UBF leaders do not teach directly and officially that it is forbidden to make a proposal of marriage on your own. They teach you indirectly through such testimonies for instance.

I am not saying that every arranged marriage must be unlucky. God can make something good from something bad. Unfortunately, a lot of these marriages ARE unlucky. A 2nd gen Korean girl in Germany told me that most of her girl-friends in UBF complained that their parents had severe marriage problems and domestic quarrels. Of course, they are hiding the existence of these problems in the center.

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