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Date Posted: 09:17:42 09/04/06 Mon
Author: Davenport (Confued--mad--sad)
Subject: friendship woes

I have an employee who became a very dear friend over the past 7 years. We
have been through many odd coincidences together and feel God sent us each
other to be "sisters at heart"--I being the older sister as she
says...........I have 3 daughters ages 11,12,12(twins) and she has been
Aunt Paula------always acknowleding B-days holidays, we've taken trips
together with the girls, and as families, etc. She's always send heartfelt cards and tells them she loves
them, as does her husband. My husband and I even changed our Will to name
them guardians of our girls and estate. My friend had a baby this past
Jan. prematurely---all is well with the baby-and I have once again gone
over and beyond---throwing a shower that she wanted--with a large price
ticket$$$--taking over all her work clients and then handing them back to her
when she returned to work. She returned part-time--that was another
unexpected event--again I accomodated her--taking on the extra work and
hiring another person.......she has no other close friends, her parents
are both deceased and came from a dysfunctional family and her siblings
are from another planet than her. She has a very supportive local
Mother-in-law and husband, the baby is in daycare 3 days a week when she
works. She is educated and has been great until just this past week---she
called and left a message on the machine to wish my twins a happy
b-day--( which I had mentioned that I was taking the week off and that Friday was the twins B-day so I wouldn't be around the phone for work, etc.)
and that was it----she never sent a card etc. My kids do not
expect gifts---but typically Aunt Paula and Uncle Brad get them movie
passes and take them or write an IOU for a special sleep over with a movie
rental and stuff like that--last year she took each on a special day---one going to a craft store to buy quilting supplies, another to the toy store for doll stuff, and another to an outdoor Go-Kart place, etc...special time together and we have always exchaned gifts w / them
for X-mas etc.---she has gone trick-or treating with us-----we made
sure she was shoveled and plowed out when her husband is out of town on
business----even though she lives a distance away from us and our work..about 25-30 mins. away...I
have flourished her new daughter will lots of things from hand made
positioning equip. in the NICU to giving her stuff of my kids when they
were babies---as well as bought all the new baby gifts, I even gave up my
paperwork day to do free daycare for her the firt 2 months she came back
to work as she did not want her premie baby in the "germy" daycare until
she was 12 weeks adjusted age, etc. I am hurt that she asked for my
girls to spend the night this past weekend and did not even mention their
b-days to them or us and then had them watch her baby so she could get some paperwork
done and house chores--------Is she trying to set a precendence of "I
don't buy or "do" now---do don't buy or "do" for mine?" She and I are
pediatric therapists---and I have a clinic full of dev. toys--so she
doesn't even have to buy her baby toys-----she just does toy exchanges
with me for the baby----------This isn't a money issue--either------her husband is
buying up things for hunting season--land scaping--digital satelite and they just bought a new pellet
stove------she is getting a new vehicle soon too--yet the way they talk things are on a "budget"--they even applied for tuition asst. at daycare--which I assume was declined---they have good salaries --my husband feels like
I am being taken advantage of and I realize I'll never get this close with
any employee again------there were some work issues that she did not tell
I discovered them upon the early arrival of her baby-- when I took her charts
there was plenty Not done from way back --from just before her pregnancy------that
was resolved and I pretty much let it go and she has been good with
paperwork ever since and now all employees must turn in all their paperwork monthly, etc.........My kids never really asked if they were
forgotten---just infered that now that the baby is here---no one else matters, --- they miss doing the special things with these
folks who call us "family"---------just doesn't add up-----------she
constantly says I am the sister she never had........and I feel the
same------she even just mentioned she had to buy her nephew a b-day gift
next week------even though she doens't like having her biological sisters
kids over--since they are a terror-------yet she still buys for them---out of obligation I guess...why is she no longer obliging my kids --esp. when we do so much for her and them????

Please advise--------I bought her baby a X-mas gift before she was even
born---Are we not going to be invited to her first b-day? or Chriteneing??
Nothing has changed---no hard feelings, nothing at work----------not sure
what the deal is-----but I am hurt and so are my girls and my husband is
mad-he wanted to say something to her, but I said No--then it will just be
an acknowledgment of guilt and that we expect it----my youngest daughter
turns 11 in another week---------if they can't handle the new baby and
time that takes and working----despite all their help (Grandma and hubby and daycare)-----do I trust that they should be
guardians of my girls?? Confused with the whole deal ???

What do you think??

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