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Date Posted: 21:41:22 11/18/04 Thu
Author: Ellie
Subject: Stumbled across this site

While I was looking up sites on line about recovering addiction, I came across this one.
Im a 20 year old single mum from australia, i started using heroin when i was 14, and of course got addicted to it.
I hit bottom numerous times but could never get away from the scene. Over the years i have been to 30-day rehabs over 15 times, lost all my non using friends and all respect for myself. When I was 16 i fell pregnant, they day i found out i stopped using. I could justify physicaly hurting myself but not anyone else. Six months after i had my daughter i started using again, the only reason i didnt lose my little girl, or o.d and die was because my family never abandoned me. I did everything from selling my mothers engagement ring, to sleeping with drug dealers to pay for my drugs.
And my mum would step in and take my daughter for a few days when i was out of control. Luckily my mum would have been the first person to call welfare if she thought kaily was not being fed, clothed or loved, amazingly i managed to just keep all that up. In January of this year i went to a long term rehab for young people under 21. I had been caught by the police for using and had a choice, Have my daughter taken away from me, or go to rehab. There was no choice, as any mother knows, you would go to the end of the earth for your children. After 3 agonizing months i completed the rehab. For all that time we were required to have no contact with any friends or family, including my daughter, I sacrificed 3 months of her live with me to asure that i will still be with her in 30 years time.
After all this i found i hadnt got away unscathered, I had contracted Hepitites C. It causes inflamation of the liver and is a fatal disease for which there is no cure. Luckily for me because im so young and my liver was healthy, i will most likely die of old age before the hep c ravages my liver. I have currently been clean for 10 months but still feel some things missing. Because i was forced to grow up fast i cannot relate to people my own age, but dont really want to surround myself with people 20 years older than me.
I have never been religous and after all the deaths and suffering i have seen chose to believe more that there was no god. I know this isn't true but it was easier to believe.
i hope sharing all of this with you may help me a little to move forward with my life.
Ellie,
Victoria, Australia

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