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Date Posted: 13:36:21 03/09/02 Sat
Author: Jenna
Subject: Lol... fuunnny. :)

Signs You Might Be Too Canadian (exerpts)

1. You know all the words to "If I had a million dollars" by The Barenaked Ladies, including the inter-stanza banter between Steven and Ed.

2. You dismiss all beers under 6% as "for children and the elderly."

5. You cried when Gus "drowned" on Road To Avonlea.

6. You remember when Alanis Morrissette was "Too Hot To Hold". (*Jenna's note: No Apologies was cool, too. )

7. You think there isn't enough of Peter Gzowski to go around. (*Jenna's Note: R.I.P, dude...*)

8. You think it's normal to have a grain elevator in your backyard.

9. You wonder why there isn't a 5 dollar coin, as you can only use more change.

10. You spend hours in the dark making scale models of the Avro Arrow and cursing the Diefenbaker government.

11. You watch MuchMusic constantly, in the hopes of occasional fleeting glimpses of The Tragically Hip.

13. You have memorized the Heritage Foundation's Heritage Moments, including your favourites, "Burnt Toast!", "You know I canna read a word...", "One day we have tar paper roof!" and "Kanata". (*Jenna's note: The Kanata one is MY favourite!*)

14. You can sing "O' Canada" in French and actually know what the words mean.




1. You know all the words to "If I had a million dollars" by The Barenaked Ladies, including the inter-stanza banter between Steven and Ed.

2. You dismiss all beers under 6% as "for children and the elderly."

3. You hum David Foster's '88 Calgary Olympics theme in the shower.

4. You make up patriotic lyrics to go along with David Foster's '88 Calgary Olympics theme.

5. You cried when Gus "drowned" on Road To Avonlea.

6. You remember when Alanis Morrissette was "Too Hot To Hold".

7. You think there isn't enough of Peter Gzowski to go around.

8. You think it's normal to have a grain elevator in your backyard.

9. You wonder why there isn't a 5 dollar coin, as you can only use more change.

10. You spend hours in the dark making scale models of the Avro Arrow and cursing the Diefenbaker government.

11. You watch MuchMusic constantly, in the hopes of occasional fleeting glimpses of The Tragically Hip.

13. You have memorized the Heritage Foundation's Heritage Moments, including your favourites, "Burnt Toast!", "You know I canna read a word...", "One day we have tar paper roof!" and "Kanata".

14. You can sing "O' Canada" in French and actually know what the words mean.

18. You participate in Participaction!

19. You think Peter Mansbridge is sexy.

20. You think Lloyd Robertson is sexy.

21. You think Peter Kent is sexy.

22. You think Matt Damon is so-so

27. Your backpack has more than one Canadian flag iron-on (and you always have room for more).

28. You know the names of all the guys in Sloan.

29. You have been on Speaker's Corner. Bonus points if they edited out your carefully prepared rant against the Harris government.

30. You use a red pen on your non-Canadian textbooks and fill in the missing 'u's from labor, honor, and color.

31. You know the French equivalents of "free", "prize" and "no sugar added", thanks to your extensive education in bilingual cereal packaging.

32. You still haven't taken down your "NON" posters from the 95 Referendum.

33. You know more than 3 guys named Gordon.

34. You think Ashley MacIssac isn't celtic enough.

38. You can eat more than one maple sugar candy without feeling nauseous.

39. You had a crush on Joey Jeremiah from Degrassi Junior High.

40. You know that a "Premier" isn't a baby born a few months early.

41. You actually watch The Gemini Awards, The Genie Awards, and The Juno Awards. You wonder why Stompin' Tom doesn't get his own category in all three. You scream passionately at the television when your favourite Canadian performers are overlooked by their respective academies.

42. You are excited whenever an American television show mentions Canada. You make a mental note to talk about it at work the next day.

43. You think -10 C is mild weather.

44. You have twins named Donovan and Bailey.

45. You have twins named Wayne and Gretzky (alternately Gordie and Howe).

46. You know the ingredients for poutine.

47. You automatically read 'Z' as 'Zed' and don't give a damn that it doesn't rhyme with "now I know my abcs".

48. You know what happens in the Evergreen Forest when Bert Raccoon wakes up. (*Jenna's note: OMG! The Raccoons! THAT was SUCH a rad show!*)

52. You know that the 'Extra Creamy' in Kraft Extra Creamy Dinner is 'add more milk.'

53. You prefer Elvis Stojko when he has 'hockey hair' - a.k.a. 'the mullet' or 'the shorty-longback'.

54. You brag about the sweet herb in BC. (*Jenna's note: I've never bragged about it.. but Matt did bring me back some last month when we went skiing and t'was sweet indeed. :)*)

61. You spit angrily when Americans say "ruff" instead of the correct "roof".

62. You have daydreams that film-maker Don McKellar, and Hugh Dillon from The Headstones, skinned and ate Regis Philbin.

65. Your gravy boat is shaped like the Bluenose.

66. You refuse to consume chocolate that doesn't come in either Smarties, Coffee Crisp, or Laura Secord format.

67. You die a little inside if you can't get your Tims double-double every morning.

68. You know the difference between real snow and "television" snow -- the white stuff that passes for snow on tv and in films. You scream, "For Christsake! That should be sticking to their pants!" and "Lookit, it's not melting! That's *so* not snow!" when watching 'Winter' scenes.

69. Someone accidently stepped on your foot. You apologize.

70. You stepped on someone's foot. You apologize, then apologize for making them apologize.

71. You know Casey and Finnegan are NOT a Celtic rock band or imported beer. (*Jenna's note: Oh, Mr. Dressup... I'll always love you...*)

75. You've actually said, "Stay where yer at, 'till I gets where yer to."

76. When abroad, you have a cold fear that somebody might mistake you for an American. You make a point of deliberately being kind to locals just to make it clear you are a Canadian.

77. You pity people who haven't tasted a "beavertail".

78. Complete the phrase: "The good old ____ game is the best ____ you can ____." (*Jenna's note: "And the best ____ you can ____, is the good ol' _____ game!" *)

80. You have at least one ROOTS sweatshirt that always smells like cigarettes and beer.

81. You find it difficult to explain "milk in a bag" to non-Canadians, and even more difficult to describe the "snippy-thing" used on bag corners. (Bonus points if your collected snippy-things are stuck to your fridge.)

82. You're pretty sure you can see Alex Trebek smirking when Jeopardy contestants get the "Canada questions" wrong. Even if you weren't sure of the answer yourself, you consider yourself a hundred times smarter than the idiots who always guess, "What is .. uh, Toronto?"

84. You know that the Canadian Alliance is just the Reform Party with better hair.

85. You know that, contrary to general belief, the Inuit have about the same amount of words for snow as do English speakers. Your favourite Inuit word for 'snow' is "navcaq" (snow formation about to collapse).

86. Your local zoo is mainly flamingoes, giraffes and sad elephants freezing their asses off against a backdrop of pine trees, grey skies, and precambrian shield formations.

90. You're such a hardcore Canadian punk you used ketchup-flavoured potato chip 'residue' to dye your hair. You know it's kind of gross, but at least you smell good.

91. You don't consider a date truly romantic until you've slow danced to Blue Rodeo's "Five Days in May". You accept "Lost Together" as a second option. (*Jenna's note: oh, Blue Rodeo... I did my "Tribute to Canadian Tunes" for Canadian Lit Class on them... so beautiful...*)

92. You read rather than scanned this list.

For the full version, plus a lot of other Canada-centric stuff, go to www.standonguard.com. :)

J.

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