VoyForums
[ Show ]
Support VoyForums
[ Shrink ]
VoyForums Announcement: Programming and providing support for this service has been a labor of love since 1997. We are one of the few services online who values our users' privacy, and have never sold your information. We have even fought hard to defend your privacy in legal cases; however, we've done it with almost no financial support -- paying out of pocket to continue providing the service. Due to the issues imposed on us by advertisers, we also stopped hosting most ads on the forums many years ago. We hope you appreciate our efforts.

Show your support by donating any amount. (Note: We are still technically a for-profit company, so your contribution is not tax-deductible.) PayPal Acct: Feedback:

Donate to VoyForums (PayPal):

[ Login ] [ Contact Forum Admin ] [ Main index ] [ Post a new message ] [ Search | Check update time | Archives: 1, [2], 3, 4 ]

[ Next Thread | Previous Thread | Next Message | Previous Message ]

Date Posted: 10:40:25 07/29/05 Fri
Author: kilo
Subject: well well...if it aint ol' lil' grogie boy!
In reply to: HYPER 's message, "ight people iv'e been workin on dis fo awhile" on 15:18:47 07/24/05 Sun

hahaha...its a joke british boy..its a joke..

and so was this peice of shit...ha..naww..shit was pretty decent..

so heres ya breakdown...

1st verse:

"How can it be when your pissin away a potential fortune
And its extortion how shits bein perceived
It wont happen to us
Reassuring lines are believed"

^^this right here was koo..the whole concept of how life is manipulated...tuff shit and good work on those lines...

chorus:

chorus was kinda wack..i couldnt find the flow of it..and it seemed like it was missng something..

2nd verse:

"Shortys comin with mad excuses uh
Tryin to get high claimin her dad abuses her
So she meets up with a fella that does nothin but uses her
So she finds herself side by side with Lucifer"

^^this would have been sick as fuck...but it was too simple..you should of thought it out some more..you know? made it more complex..make it more meaningful..make to where someone reads this and stops! has to think bout it.. saying, what the fuck..thatr shits dope as hell..feel me?

3rd verse:

"The Children of England are bein oppressed"

^^bad move..you used your homeland as a reference..but matter of the fact is..not everyone is from england..you should of said "children of the world"..makes you seem blind to the rest of the world..only focusing on where u live..feel me?..im not hatin..juss tellin you how it is and why some kats would portrait you as "whack"!..so use this wisely and elevate..nothing less...

next..

But we dont help stop disease
Not only in Africa
Aids run rampant in our streets

^^i think this was the best line out of the whole thing..shit flowed good and is very true....well....

i see u growing..or you skills at least..and
as time comes and goes..you'll only get better..and hopefully this is your work..not someone elses..and dont get all hyped up..and hot headed..you got all of work..ya vocab is only expanded in certain places of the work..well now make it consistent through-out the whole thing..and a personal note of critisms...

Tryin to get high claimin her dad abuses her
So she meets up with a fella that does nothin but uses her

^^the double usage of the word "her"..ehh..lets just say that it doenst make you sound very intelligent..if its possible..use a different word..shit makes it a whole lot better...

elevate...

get @ me!

[ Next Thread | Previous Thread | Next Message | Previous Message ]
[ Contact Forum Admin ]

Forum timezone: GMT-8
VF Version: 3.00b, ConfDB:
Before posting please read our privacy policy.
VoyForums(tm) is a Free Service from Voyager Info-Systems.
Copyright © 1998-2019 Voyager Info-Systems. All Rights Reserved.