Don't ask. -- The Middle of Nowhere

[ Show ]

Support VoyForums

[ Shrink ]

VoyForums Announcement: Programming and providing support for this service has been a labor of love since 1997. We are one of the few services online who values our users' privacy, and have never sold your information. We have even fought hard to defend your privacy in legal cases; however, we've done it with almost no financial support -- paying out of pocket to continue providing the service. Due to the issues imposed on us by advertisers, we also stopped hosting most ads on the forums many years ago. We hope you appreciate our efforts.

Show your support by donating any amount. (Note: We are still technically a for-profit company, so your contribution is not tax-deductible.) PayPal Acct: Feedback:

Donate to VoyForums (PayPal):

[ Login ] [ Main index ] [ Post a new message ] [ Search | Check update time | Archives: 1, [2] ]

[ Next Thread | Previous Thread | Next Message | Previous Message ]

Date Posted: 18:36:18 06/03/02 Mon
Author: Humans
Subject: Don't ask.

Two humans sat in a large room; jungle green walls and plush carpeting, pale green ceiling and lights, two hugely overstuffed dark green couches. One, about sixteen years old, was tall and well-built, slightly overweight, muscular, and wearing large but reasonably fashionable glasses. Her red-brown hair tumbled in curls barely past her shoulders, her tan skin stark against her deeply blue tunic, which again contrasted against dark blue-jeans. Silver jewelry decorated her casual form and blue-grey glowed her eyes as she regarded her companion. The other, a boy of perhaps seventeen years, was taller than she, and thinner, but well-built all the same. He wore a dark grey tunic and leggings, a black belt, and a silver ring identical to the girl's, denoting the House of the Cat's emblem, a crouching feline. His long, straight black hair was longer than his cousin's, and his dark blue eyes more striking than hers, and his skin paler.

Jay spoke with the ease of long familiarity. "Humans have almost a universal tendency to believe in some sort of afterlife. This is because of or leads to a belief in some sort of greater power... which becomes religion, a tool to further man's motives, except in the truly noble."

Sasha flashed white, even teeth in a grin. "Lavanians do not. It is a solid fact that beings known as Creators made their planet from a space rock, their sun from a gas giant, their moons from asteroids. Creators are not mythical deities to be prayed to and worshipped; they are simply a higher, more advanced race."

"Then where does the Phoenix of the Flame come in, dear cousin?" returned Jay.

Sasha mock-groaned, still with a grin on her visage. "Good question. Old lore, Jay, old lore. I cannot explain that one away. Try another."

Jay nodded, brows settling in a thoughtful look. "Because of religion and other seemingly 'undesirable' things or actions, humanity has many words with which to express himself in a vulgar way. Most of these tend towards religion and the afterlife, referring to the common belief of eternal suffering and what it takes to get there. You've roughly translated Lavanian curses to mean 'go to hell' or 'damn you'. If Lavanians do not have religion, how is this possible?"

Sasha laughed lightly. "Roughly translated is correct. I translate it as such to make it acceptable to humans, as Lavanians do use such phrases and words in a vulgar fashion."

"But what, then, is the true meaning of such words like btsa and dyone, along with diamen and frante? Those four being the most widely-known Lavanian curses." Jay arched a brow.

"Easy. I'll explain the easier ones first. Diamen does literally translate to 'waste', 'excrement', 'spoor', or 'feces'. Nearly all Lavanians' digestive systems are far different than Earthlings' or anything thought of by man in fiction. Lavanian bodies use virtually all of what they consume, thus you'll never find them abusing such a diet. They will eliminate accumulated waste as often as their species requires, which is usually anywhere from monthly to annually. This elimination process is usually long, noisy, smelly, and most of all, embarrassing to stumble across in the woods. The smell goes away after a half hour or so, and the spoor decomposes within a few days, but it is still a nasty ordeal for the average Lavanian. Got that?"

Jay nodded. "I knew Lavanians didn't answer nature's call that often. So that's the correllation between diamen and shit. What about frante?"

"Another easy one. Frante is simply a hugely offensive insult, usually taken to mean 'weak', 'coward', or 'traitor', or something else entirely, depending on the species that it's being used against," Sasha explained.

"Okay, easy enough. What about btsa, aka hell, and dyone, aka damn?" Jay lifted both eyebrows and settled back in his couch - he wanted to hear how his cousin explained these ones off.

Sasha met the challenge with a grin. "When Equator was building his armies, years yet before even the start of the Dark Wars, he was not only working on Xerachin, our smaller flame-coloured moon, but underground in Lavana. As such, he could test his warrior species -Ajoiteis, Foruques, you know the rest- against a few choice Lavanians. So he made gigantic... trap doors, if you will. In the biggest caverns near the surface of the earth, he somehow constructed 'hinges' to let the top of the cave open as a door, first inwards, then flinging outwards, then settling in place without a grass blade so much as bending. However, any Lavanians on this masterpiece of trapery would fall into the caverns, usually a half mile deep. Equator, curse his black name, would fill this round cavern halfway full with a liquid found in the bowels of the planet. It wasn't water, though few Lavanians ever realized it. It was like water's evil twin, really. It would get colder and colder, but never froze, and never was warmer than our 0� Farenheit. Other than that and its black colour, it was no different than regular water. This coldwater was paralyzing to nearly any Lavanian which fell in it. Oh, it was terrible. Pools would be filled with dozens, a hundred Lavanians at a time, all floating helplessly, dying slowly and horribly, usually from gangreen. The ones that managed to make it to the rim of the cavern, usually a couple feet above the water and a foot wide, might wobble along it until they got to a stone corridor - where Equator's fighters would be waiting to test their mettle. No, it wasn't a good experiment, but Equator was enjoying the torture too much to alter it." Sasha sighed heavily, before shaking off the cloak of gloom that had fallen on her shoulders. "To get to the point, whenever you hear a Lavanian say 'go to btsa', they're expressing a wish that you fall in one of those cavern pools, into the coldwater. 'Damn you' is the act, if you will, of falling, being paralyzed, and dying. Like you said, roughly translated, but a horrible curse."

Jay nodded slowly, absorbing this information. Then, abruptly, Sasha jumped, glowered towards the door of the greenroom. She rose swiftly and instantly, Jay vanished and the greenroom was suddenly less green - green carpeting and walls remained though. She was abruptly dressed in regular jeans, a white T-shirt... regular furniture -a bed, dressers, table, TV, nightstand, chairs, a small couch- reappeared, as did the door and mirrors. With a reluctant sigh, Sasha returned to reality to greet her dad, grandma, and her grandma's husband.

[ Next Thread | Previous Thread | Next Message | Previous Message ]