Subject:  please help me |
Author:
VAANI
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Date Posted: 00:40:40 07/17/04 Sat
I am a 30 yr. old married woman with a 5yr old daughter. I was wrking as a s/w engineer and resigned after my baby was born. My husband (36 yrs)is a wonderful man and loves me a lot. Mine was a happy family until a year ago till I started having an affair with his best friend.
He knew the family for more than 12 yrs and he is my hubby's close friend.His wife is also my friend. She never cared for their family and never showed any interest in him and would insult him before all of us many times. She was never with him physically and mentally too but he never showed his feelings in public. He was close to me also and as there was 13 yrs. of age difference between us he always treated me as a kid and both families had a great time together for many years.
His wife, though a different lady, was good at heart but just wanted to live her life as per her wishes. She would always joke with me that she doesnot need her husband and she never minded even if he had affairs outside marriage.She told me amny times that evwn I can have an affair with him incase Iam interested. I never took her seriously because we all knew that she was a little stupid and I would always tell my husband about it. Though my husband hated all this talk, he never told his friend because he thought it might hurt him but would tell me that I should keep away from her. But I liked her becasue otherwise she was really a nice lady.
Oneday, her husband called me up when my husband was not in town and statred talking some intimate talk. Though I understtod what he meant, I thought he is just flirting so never minded much. But from then on, he started calling me regularly when she was not at home.(she would play tennis in our colony club for 2hrs from 7:30 pmtill 9:30pm daily). I started feeling guilty and could not take it any longer and oneday I called her up and told her what he was doing and clearly said that he should never call me when my husband is not there.She didnot seem to mind at all and in fact told me that i can continue having a relationship with her husband if he desires. Her husband didnot expect this at all and was very angry with me and stopped talking to me completely. I told my husband about it but he didnot bother much because he trusted his friend very very much and me more than him.
After a week after the incident, her husband called me and said that he likes me a lot and just wants to talk to me. By that time, i also really strted liking this person and that is how our affair started and continued for one year. During the entire period, both of us were feeling extremely guilty. He really liked my husband a lot but loved me too. I also fell in love with this man completely and started ignoring my family.My husband is on tours mostly so we would talk freely over the phone. I am ashamed to say that we even had a physical relationship.Neither of our spouses knew about this for one year till last march. I would write so mant mails to him very often and one day his wife got a copy of all the mails by post. Till now, we donot know who sent them.She reacted calmly in the begining but later got very wild and said that I should never evern see him. She took a promise on her son from her husband not to talk to me.
I told my husband everything once she recived the post and he was intially in a shock. He took me to their house and his friend said sorry to him.Everyone was in a shock. My husband supported me a lot and said that he still trusts me and I should forget everything and start a fresh life. But I'm completely in love with that man but he completely stopped talking to me. Both the men are talking to each other but no one talks to me and I'm being treated a s criminal by his wife. When my husband blamed her for her stupid encouragement she said that it was all for fun and she indeed loved her huband very much. Her husband said that he loved me for one year sincerely but now because everything has come out in public and also in the office, he just wants to avoid me. He never denied that it was he who initiated all this but says he feels extremely guilty for cheating his friend.He wants to build his family again and advising me to build mine. Though I too want to forget all this, I'm just not able to. I really love him very much and I really never knew that he and his wife indeed loved each other so much. Otherwise I would never dared to get into this realtionship.It was she who encouraged me to do all this and now, when I really fell in love with him, she says that I should even talk to him.
My husband is being extremely nice and begging me to be happy as he is bothered about my daughter. He is even asking his friend to atleast talk to me so that I donot get depressed. I'm in a pathetic state and not able to forget that man at all as we very extremely close in this one year. It was more mental to me than physical because i was extremely happy with my physical ralationship with my husband and never enjoyed physically with that man. I somehow got into this affair and just not able to think anything without him. I've joined a part time job but had to quit it because I was not able to concentrate there also. I feel cheated though I fully know that it was my husband who has been cheated. That man says that he can only talk to me if his wife allows him and if my husband starts beleiving him. Though my husband will be happy if I never talk to his friend again, he doing his best to get me out of the deperession. He even went to the extent of begging his friend to talk to me but that man says that he needs time to overcome all this. I spoke alone to him with my husbands' permission last week for the first time in the past 4 months and he seems to be very depressed. He feels extremly guilty and told me take care of my family and excuse him as his wife is creating hell at home and even in the office he doesnot know who all knows about this because soemone from the office posted his wife all my mails.
I know that I'm doing a great injustice to my husband. He is sufferring silently and even cried before me desperately once but again regained his strength to give me support. He also received my mails by post and is extremely worried as to who all in his office knows about it. He even thought of changing his job but he is doing very well here and is a pet of all his colleagues/bosses. He is extremely helpful to all and is a perfect Gentleman.In the 9 yrs. of marriage he never even spoke harshly with me and encouraged me in doing my job well and is also responsible in my getting a gold medal in my PG. We come from from a very conservative south Indian Brahmin family and our parents will die if they come to know about this. But my husband says he would not disclose anything to anyone and says he respects me a lot even now. He has great respect for women and all his friends and relatives are extremely fond of him. He is a man absolutely without any bad qualities and infact is a every woman's dream-husband. He is an outgoing and confident man but at the same time conservative by nature. He says that I should take up my s/w programming job again and keep myself busy and forget everything. He is very amture and extremely understanding. I don't know what could have gone wrong with our marriage.
I can even understand his wife feelings but I'm not able to forget him and the nice time we spent together. I was there for him whenever he needed me emotionally and physically when his wife neglected him completely and now he is not even talking to me. I cannot beleive it is the same man who would not even stay for a day without talking to me. I have all his mails and sincerely feel that he loved me honestly. My husband is extraordinarily good and is supporting me a lot which cannot be described in words. But still, I'm not able to kill my love for that man. We even went to a psycotherapist but nothing is helping me. I cannot accept that I have been cheated. He enjoyed for an year and when his wife strated talking care of him, he left me. Then why did he enter into my life? Why did his wife not slap me when I told her about her husband in the begining itself? I respect my husband a lot but not able to love him as much as I loved this ma even now. I donto know how i have become so selfish but it is the fact. I told my husband that he also can have an affair he wants to or divorce me but just whenever I say that he just laughs hugs me and says that he can never love anyone except me. He says he wants to be happy with me and his daughter whom he just loves! He is taking care of both of us now but I'm not able to come out of this mess.Both the families stay in a colony but I'm just trying to avoid them and infact not seen them for the last 4 months.
I know that I'm doing a great injustice to my husband. He is sufferring silently and even cried before me desperately once but again regained his strength to give me support. He also received my mails by post and is extremely worried as to who all in his office knows about it. He even thought of changing his job but he is doing very well here and is a pet of all his colleagues/bosses. He is extremely helpful to all and is a perfect Gentleman.In the 9 yrs. of marriage he never even spoke harshly with me and encouraged me in doing my job well and is also responsible in my getting a gold medal in my PG. We come from from a very conservative south Indian Brahmin family and our parents will die if they come to know about this. But my husband says he would not disclose anything to anyone and says he respects me a lot even now. He has great respect for women and all his friends and relatives are extremely fond of him. He is a man absolutely without any bad qualities and infact is a every woman's dream-husband. He is a man of high principles and morals. He is an outgoing and confident man but at the same time conservative by nature. He says that I should take up my s/w programming job again and keep myself busy and forget everything. He is very mature and extremely understanding. I don't know what could have gone wrong with our marriage.
That man is mostly worried about losing his friend(my husband) than me. I am totally depressed and helpless and want to die. I feel I donot deserve such a nice husband. Is there anything wrong if I exepct that I should be frinedly with taht man again? Did his wife really changed so much? How can i start loving my husband again? My daughter too is affected though she stands first in the class still. She loves her father a lot and my husband says that she is his only stress releiver and he needs no other woman in his life. I don't know if I should ever talk to that man. I don't even know how to face his family in case we happen to meet. I'm shocked at his wife's reaction who herself has so many male-friends. How can they suddenly start loving each other? Why am I not able to forget him? I'm extremely asahmed of myself but not able to come out of the mess inspite of my loving husbands support. No counselling is helping me and I'm still waiting for that man to talk to me, atleast as a friend whom i really respected a lot. How could he stop talking to me totally just because his wife came back to him? My husband is still waiting for me and says he still loves me and respects me a lot. Both of us lost a lot of weight and looking pathetic and my daughter is affected. What should I do? Am I really a selfish and shameless lady? I never had any malefriends even while I was working in a corporate office and never really felt the need of any other man except my husband. I don't know how I could do this so easily without even thinking about him and worse is even now I'm not able to come out of the situation.I feel I'm not worth living.What would I teach my daughter? I feel like killing myself but I remember my husband who will really go mad if I do that.
Everybody says that I'm lucky to have such a nice husband and an extremely lovely and intelligent daughter but only I know that I'm not able to keep them happy. How could I fall in love after marriage with a man who is so much older than me and is not even comparable to my husband in either looks or behaviour or anthing else? My husband too has bitter feelings for his friend and is shocked how his dear friend could do that to his wife and feels very very bad about the whole thing but doesnot want to fight with his friend and is just ignoring him. Can I ever overcome this? I feel like taking revenge on that man by sending all his mails to his parents or doing something which will make his life miserable but I am not able to do taht because I still love him and not ready to lose him. I know he is also a decent man who got into this mess just like me. Does he not miss me, too?How can he be so rude and get along with life? Then how could he become so clsoe to me and write such emotional letters thanking me for loving him and thanking me for bringning light in his life? I'm sure that he was very sincere during that period with me but how can leave me now?
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