How can someone I never knew affect me so much? -- "A Song For Justin"

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Date Posted: 13:06:26 01/13/02 Sun
Author: Dwayne
Subject: How can someone I never knew affect me so much?

I only spoke with Justin once, and for just a few IM's. I saw his posts on the MBs, especially the posts about Ou, and thought, "how annoying". I know people get into sports; I never have been able to follow any of it, but how crass is that? Being annoyed because someone loves a game and their team?

I've been reading the boards today, and I talked with a couple people last night who knew him. Reactions range from anger to deep sadness, a celebration of his life to a dirge for our dead.

I sit here, taking all of this in, wondering why I never made an attempt to get to know such a vibrant person; a boy full of life and love, and every answer I come up with- no- every EXCUSE I come up with- is pathetic in the extreme. "I don't have the time," or, "I'm too tired right now," or, "I have too much to deal with of my own."... pathetic.

And then this happens.

Tears fill my eyes as I type, realizing the friends I have who knew him are grieving, and shedding tears. I can feel in my chest the hole that has been left in their hearts, and it's almost enough to tear me apart. If I can feel this way about someone I never met, how must Justin's friends feel?

He was fifteen. He had so much potential. I think that's what bothers me the most: A young life snatched away from us; someone who touched lives and would have touched more as he grew into manhood, middle age, and his twilight years. I wish I could have known him.

Another part of me asks, "Should he have known better?" Yes, I think he should have. But, as is shown ad infinitum, knowing better doesn't prevent us from doing something wrong, or something deadly dangerous.

I want to scream at God, "Why did you take him from us?" But neither will answer. Not until I do meet him in the next life will I know. I have to believe his death serves a purpose. Maybe, as terrible and horrendous as it sounds, this tragedy is meant to teach us a lesson. Perhaps that was his whole purpose for being here on this earth.

But I can't believe that to be the case. He touched so many lives, was there for so many people. Perhaps THIS was why he was here, and for what ever reason, he was called home, his tasks here finished.

We must go on. Grieving is required, but we must continue. He wouldn't want us to dwell on his death. Celebrate his life, the joy he has given each and every one of us who knew him. Live your life to the fullest, my friends. In this way, you honor him and his memory.

All I know for sure is that this sweet,innocent kid, young man, friend, is in a better place than here.

Rest in peace, Justin. We will see you soon, but not yet.

Not yet.

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