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Date Posted: 10:29:38 12/27/02 Fri
Author: Lost
Subject: I dont know what to do.....

I have a huge problem. Many months ago my friend and I decides to look into our past lives. I discoverd a lot. He on the other hand didn't. He lied to me about all he saw because he wanted to get in my pants. So, I stopped what we were doing and decided to go about it on my own. The first time I did it...it was quite hard for me. (and keep in mind I did not get any information on how to do this...I just knew what would work for me.) I relax and meditate for quite a while...then I got into a trance like state. I recall memories. It turns out that my past life had many dark parts in it.
I have always felt something with me...ever since I was a child. I have just always known. Anyway, in my past I lived by myself in the woods (I haven't exactly figured out the time period of all this) in a small cottage made of stone and wood. One day I was tending to my garden and some local boys from the town rode up on horses. I remeber that I didn't like the look in thier eyes. They just stared at me. So, I started to run. Unfortunately horses are faster. They caught up with me and tied me to a tree. I knew what they wanted. But, right as the first boy started to attack me, some man (I couldn't see his so well considering I was almost unconcious) pulled him away...and hurt them badly (I recall thier screams) The man then untied me and picked me up and took me home. I woke up in my bed with him sitting there watching over me. He said I was safe. Then we started talking. (I dont know about what though....it gets blurry after this...you see I only get bits and pieces sometimes) Then I see things later on down the line.
The man and I are together in his home. His name is Erick. He tells me that he has been watching me for quite some time. He tells me that he has fallen in love with me. I don't know what to say. Then things get blurry again and I don't see anymore.
Then I see even later down the line...
He is very angry. He is made because I ran away from him. He hits me....beats me and makes me be with him. (just for the record, I have no history of sexual abuse in this life)
After he does that he tells me he only does these things because he loves me. That if I would only do what I am supposed to this wouldn't happen. I just sit there and cry.
Anyways, there is a lot more to that but, it would take ages to write. Plus, I haven't gotten everything sorted out. When I recall things, like I said it comes in bits and pieces and also out of order.But to get to the point.......
Erick has come back into my life. He isn't like he used to be when I was a child. Since I have discoverd some of my past he has become....hmm how should i put it... stronger? I can now talk to him as I talk to anyone. The more I discover my past...the easier it gets to recall things and the stronger he becomes. When he talks to me now it is almost as if he were my conscience except he and I have different views on things. He sometimes seems like an incubus...he always wants me. Although it isnt in dreams. I can feel him inside me sometimes...it is terrifing. When he touches me I get chills and tingles...sometimes it is so bad I can't even move. It is easier if I just submit to him. The thing is...I don't get drained from his attacks...often I am energized. It would seem that all I would have to do is stop looking into my past. But, now he shows me things...and the visions come and go. He doesn't bother me too much when I am around people. Which I am usually alone. He usually just makes little coments on everything. Specially when I talk about him. Occasionally, he will affect my friends. For example, my friend and I were in the pool and she suddenly screamed and said what in the hell was that? I asked what she felt. She said it was like something passed under her and grabbed her legs. I don't usually believe people easily. But I could tell by the look on her face that she wasn't lying plus she wasn't even near the jets on the pool. Then another time my other friend and I were talking and she and I both felt him. Another problem I have is when my boyfriend (who I live with but he always works) and I have sex Erick interferes. I feel in everywhere. Sometimes it feels like my boyfriend IS Erick. Lately, Erick has had control of me. I was talking to my friend online and he just took over. Luckily, my friend knew it was him.
As much as I hate all of this...I don't exactly want him to go away. Him and I have a special bond I can't describe it. I just need some help on controling him. My mind is very strong and I know that if I knew the right steps to take I could control him...Block him if need be. He watches over me and protects me. One time I was seeing this real asshole of a guy.(of coarse at the time I didn't think so) We were at my house and were about to have sex. Right before we got to it the phone rang...I ran and got it...and no one was there. So we got back to it...but as he was about to enter...the phone rang again. No one was there. We decided to move to the living room in case the phone rang again. So, as before we were about to...then the front door shook very hard. We stopped for a second then decided to ignore it. When he entered me, the lights flickered off and on for a couple of seconds. He jumped up and said...ok..someone or something does not want us to have sex...so just forget it. That guy was a very bad person. The worst person I have met. He hurts women for pleasure. Then leaves them with a broken heart. Erick knew this...and he tried to stop it. Unfortuneatly, I ignored his warning. Enough of that though, I just need help controling him. So, if anyone has any suggestions,advice or input, please respond.
Thanks :)

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