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Date Posted: 01:33:21 03/24/06 Fri
Author: 百目鳥
Subject: 十年

從下午6時到8時,我坐在電腦面前,一次又一次地,refresh同一個網站。

結果仍然未有。

快十年了吧?如果自96年7月我第一次踏入香港大學建築系大樓時算起。

十年了。曾發生過多少事,遇上過多少人,又有多少人離我而去。許多的感慨許多的話,我努力想整理出一個大概,卻只換來喉間的一陣乾澀。

好幾次想寫些什麼,甚至已經打下了幾行字,但側頭一看,仍是不太對勁的樣子。想想還是統統delete算了。

Refresh又refresh,螢幕被刷去然後重劃,但未有的結果還是一樣未有。像極了因為魯鈍而停滯不前的,我的人生。

有人相陪總是好的,更難得的是在我倒下時扶我一把的朋友,這些我都由衷地謝過了。如果沒有遠方的祈禱,我的日子恐怕會更難過吧?有太多太多次想過放棄,這條路,太苦,太難。如果讓我再次選擇,做回十年前的我,仍會走上這條路嗎?

不知道。就好像我始終總結不出,十年後的今夜自己想說什麼。或許正因為沒什麼大不了─不過是一個微小的人,考到一個微小的建築師牌照而已。於世界,於神國,都沒有什麼大不了的助益。

總算是可以一笑的事情吧?望著好不容易出來的結果,不知為何,我並沒有想像中的興奮。

2006/3/23

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