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Date Posted: 00:49:55 11/15/06 Wed
Author: 百目鳥
Subject: 1012. 苦艾草

苦艾草

01.
一隻老吃不飽的羊。主人給它端來蘋果、桃子,和青草,牠很快吃完,又說:我還要。直至主人遞給牠一把苦艾草,羊嚼了嚼,便吐出來,說:夠了,現在我吃飽了。

02.
長年咀嚼苦艾草的我,已經學懂,在飢餓的時候裝出一副飽足的樣子。要平息主人的不耐,要和周遭環境取得和諧,最好的做法,就是和自己的心,自己深層的感受,保持距離。要微笑,說話的腔調要天真。

尤其身處幸福的人,幸福的情景中間,我便如同,一頭久經訓練的獸。總想起,舌底下、喉頭間、肚腹內,那不住湧現的,苦艾草的味道。

03.
夠了,現在的我已然,非常滿足了。就算,我不可能會飛黃騰達。就算,我很難再自覺幸福。這已是註定的了,我已不想再要。苦艾草。

我一切溫柔話語的根源。安慰人,鼓勵人,把苦澀留給自己。是故在教堂中我看顧了兩個流淚的人。一個因為幸福,另一個因為悲傷。

04.
你說,在朋友結婚的當天,你失戀了,多諷刺。我說,有什麼諷刺不諷刺呢?每天,也有人生有人死有人分離有人嫁娶。不過是,生活如常。

苦艾草,不是一種會諷刺人的草。它只是極為苦澀,而且久久不散,如此而已。

05.
唯有文字是我的聖域,讓我可以真誠地嘔吐。無所不知無所不能的主人,難道還會,對苦極而生的嘔吐物詳加察驗?

請為我患癌症的媽媽祈禱吧。如果你不是教徒,便為她獻上祝福。雖然癌細胞已然擴散,但我仍然相信,神可以保守化療的效果。

2006/11/14

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