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Date Posted: 00:47:01 03/21/07 Wed
Author: 百目鳥
Subject: 1016. 納悶的倒數

納悶的倒數

今天晚上收到一個消息:病重多時、我妹妹的契媽過世了。我沒有提過這個病人嗎?那大概是因為,天知道我的身邊有多少個親戚、朋友、朋友的親戚和親戚的朋友,正在罹患致死的重病或徘徊於彌留之間,要慰問、要探望,也不知從誰做起了。

是癌症。確切地說,她是在去年年中被驗出患癌以後,病情便急促惡化,癌細胞擴散甚至一度進入腦部;但在最近兩個月,腦內的癌細胞竟神奇地完全消失,連醫生也不明所以,說是奇蹟。換來的卻是神智不清、記憶力大為減退,連我妹妹也不認得,那時候醫生的診斷是「中風」。在折騰了幾星期後,終於撒手人寰,真正死因仍是不清不楚。

這事有什麼意義呢?我指的是廣泛而持續的誕生與死亡。我當然不是,首次接觸生命的終結吧。除了納悶,和歸結出要「珍惜光陰、不枉此生」這陳濫的哲理外,還有什麼,是又活過平凡一天的我所能掌握於當下的?

要飛黃騰達,要完成夢想,要愛得及時。我只知道,等到回歸十年之日,不經不覺,我已快有人生而立之齡了。

2007/3/20

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