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Date Posted: 02:18:13 03/23/03 Sun
Author: 混著日子百目鳥
Subject: 89. 驕傲以後

驕傲以後

我的講座,終於在很多相關及不相關事件的擠湧下來了又過去了。由於出席者九成以上都是認識的人,所以反應也算得上熱烈,朋友給我的評價一般也過得去。至於我的感受,出奇地我沒有什麼感受,不論是完成事情的滿足感,抑或高潮過後的失落感,也毫不例外地統統沒有。或許只是因為疲累,或許因為這講座根本算不上什麼大不了的事情。

唔,或許我還是錯了,或許我的感受並不如我所描述的那麼淡然。只不過生活的急流太澎湃,它掩藏在各種各樣混雜的情緒之中而沒法被指認出來而已。

誰說不是呢?生活就像一幅鑲嵌畫,當下的感受只是其中一塊很小很小的碎片;我們總是懷著希望去擁抱失望,留著憤怒去享受歡愉,又帶著隱隱作痛的傷感,去迎接受寵若驚的甜蜜。因此結論就是:一致性只存在於宏觀的畫面,個別的感受是沒有意義的。

患上了鯊症的我就這樣,看似理性地混著過日子。然後又急不過待地往下個目標移去。

2003/3/23

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