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Date Posted: 03:02:20 08/21/04 Sat
Author: 破目鳥
Subject: 217. When You’re Not Here 1 - 文字的作供

今晚是,你離去的第三夜,我重新開始書寫。曾說過,吞吐的文字,是我呼吸的氣泡,我仍繼續生存的證據,卻不知從哪時慢慢放緩下來。以致現在的我要找尋合適的語調和字眼去表達心情,也感到有點舉步維艱。彷彿一個長久暗啞的人。

大概我要說的話,這數年來已寫盡了吧?抑或有你的存在,我已不用靠文字修補什麼。只是也沒法留下,這幾月的生活,如水滑過堤岸,了然無痕。依稀記得種種事情,為了你的問題,和因而產生的我的問題,然後又變成你的問題。幾多的哭喊吵鬧,以及吵鬧過後的和解、平靜與甜蜜,如今都覺不真實。

唉,難道真的是這樣嗎當我們越接近,我卻和我變得越疏離。

所以那大概是好的,當你決定離開去旅行,而我重新擁有了自己。這兩星期是一個驗證,讓我明白更多,對你的感覺和想法,通過文字。你知道,縱然我常常說謊,我的文字卻從不作假。

2004/8/21

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