Re: Chapter I -- Scribbler's Corner

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Date Posted: 08:23:09 02/03/02 Sun
Author: LordBrian
Subject: Re: Chapter I
In reply to: Ashera 's message, "Chapter I" on 05:22:02 02/02/02 Sat

Heh, nice story, I enjoyed reading it. It gives just enough information to keep you interested. The idea seems fairly complete but, theres two problems. Occasionally you make a mistake on spelling, or grammer. (like when u say "live", instead of "life") That isnt much of a problem...

One last thing. I noticed that the things you wrote were in the present tense. Now, im not english major, so i might be wrong on this. But form my experience, when someone writes a story or book, it's always in the past tense. Here I'll make an example.

In your first paragraph you said,"I smile slightly"
It would prolly be better if you wrote," I smiled slightly"
The rest of the paragraph seems fine, its all in the past tense.

When someone talks about something it usually in the present tense, with past tense and furture tense references and stuff like that. You did well there.

In your sixth paragraph you wrote,"I walk trough the door"
It would be better if you wrote it in past tense,"I walked through the door".

One again i'd like to say im not an english major, and I am often wrong (people on average are like 50% wrong all the time), so take my advise with a little bit of salt. Nice story though, I want to read more. :)

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Replies:

Re: Chapter I -- Ashera, 11:41:18 02/03/02 Sun
- Re: Chapter I -- Ashera, 11:42:30 02/03/02 Sun
  - Re: Chapter I -- LordBrian, 12:30:14 02/03/02 Sun
    - Re: Chapter I -- Ashera, 08:11:59 02/04/02 Mon