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Ladies, gentlemen, and potato chip bags, good afternoon and welcome to The Mild Kingdom. Where each week we take you around the world for a close up arm chair look at the wild world of animals. We show you lions (we borrowed from a zoo) savagely stock and attack it's prey (that we tied down ahead of time to insure a good camera angel).
We take you - Disney style - to the white wilderness of the far north. You are there when it's Jones Town session for nature's fascinating lemmings. The same ones we bought earlier from Eskimo children and transported a thousand miles away so we could film their migration accurately on a revolving snow covered turn table. When we got them to the edge of the cliff those lemmings wouldn't cooperate. So our crew just picked them up and threw them over the edge and into the river below!
'Over they go,' says the narrator, 'casting themselves bodily into space.' 'The Arctic sea is dotted with tiny bobbing bodies.'
Besides those endless insurance commercials; we have a special treat for you today here on The Mild Kingdom. A fantastic voyage deep into the heart of the hottest and most dangerous of desserts where our camera zeros in on a fun loving camel right in front of a pile of dead bodies right near a terrorist training camp our planes somehow missed, but instead, was able to hit a medical center.
'Hey!! Yo! We're the United States marines!' 'Now, we know how you've all been killing each other for more than two thousand years....
... but, ...
... we're here now. So, stop all this fighting, okay? And, ya know, like magic, all your generations of hate will simply go away.'
'Dude.. we're talkin' national security here.'
'We're here to protect the family of Christian heroin war lords most friendly to the west. So... come on, knock off all this fightin' and stuff, ya here? Or we'll tell mom.'
Then, after a trash bag commercial; we take you to the rotting memory of 9-11. We'll always remember Operation 9-11 for years and years, because our corporate media won't allow us to forget, but not only that. They don't want us to morn and feel sorrow for the victims and the victims' families. No. They want to use their dead meat to get us more and more pissed off in our living rooms until we snap!!!
'Who did it?!' 'Those dirty Arabs did it!!'
Fan the bon fires of racism! Get people hot and boiling for revenge. Then, we can go play shoot 'em up anywhere we want. Now our backers can cash in.
Who else has weapons of mass destruction?
That'll be on next weeks program.
Well, we've run out of time this week. We hope you enjoyed our little adventure. We hope to tar and wool you again soon with all the accuracy you've come to expect on The Mild Kingdom.