*sigh* -- Final End

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Date Posted: 12:56:57 09/04/02 Wed
Author: Lona
Subject: *sigh*
In reply to: schwabra 's message, "Synagogue seating for High Holidays" on 11:43:13 09/04/02 Wed

And, as someone who, by order of her grandparents, is at the services EVERY YEAR, I can tell you just where my grandmother would need to be. I have here a filled out form for her, one for my grandfather as well.

And, yes, one for my father. Also, one for my husband.

The last one is mine. Keeping in mind that the Rabbi at my parent's temple, where I'm requiered to attend to keep the familial peace, once told me that if I don't believe in God, I might as well be Christian.

So..here:

My Grandmother, Patricia H.:
1. I would prefer to sit in the... (Check one:)
X_ Talking section
2. If talking, which category do you prefer? (Indicate order of interest:)
Specific gossip (choose:)
_1_ The rabbi's wife
_2_ The cantor's voice
_3_ The cantor's wife
_4_ Other: Why her daughter-in-law's temple is so much worse.
3. Which of the following would you like to be near for free professional advice?
None, thank you.
4. I want a seat located (Indicate order of priority:)
_1_ Near the pulpit
_2_ Near the Kiddush table
5. (Orthodox only.) I would like a seat where:
X_ I cannot see my spouse over the mechitza
6. Please do not place me anywhere near the following people:
(Limit of six; if you require more space, you may wish to consider joining another congregation.)
Kathy S. (daughter in law, who is, as I am, requiered to attend HERE)
Katy H. (Grandaughter who has a live-in boyfriend... 'living in sin' )
Your name: Pat H.
Building fund pledge: Why bother? They'll never actually *build* it...

My Grandfather, Mike H.:
1. I would prefer to sit in the... (Check one:)
X_ No talking section
3. Which of the following would you like to be near for free professional advice?
X_ Doctor
4. I want a seat located (Indicate order of priority:)
_3_ On the aisle
_1_ Where no one will notice me sleeping during services
_2_ Where I can sleep during the rabbi's sermon [additional charge]
5. (Orthodox only.) I would like a seat where:
X_ I cannot see my spouse over the mechitza
6. Please do not place me anywhere near the following people:
(Limit of six; if you require more space, you may wish to consider joining another congregation.)
David N. (Lona's husband...they hate each other)
Your name: Mike. H.
Building fund pledge: Twice whatever David is giving.

My Father, Tom S.:
1. I would prefer to sit in the... (Check one:)
X_ Talking section
2. If talking, which category do you prefer? (Indicate order of interest:)
X_ General gossip
3. Which of the following would you like to be near for free professional advice?
X_ Accountant
4. I want a seat located (Indicate order of priority:)
_1_ As far away from my in-laws as possible
_3_ Where no one on the bimah can see/hear me talking during services
_4_ Where no one will notice me sleeping during services
_5_ Where I can sleep during the rabbi's sermon [additional charge]
_2_ Other: Near David N. (Son in law..they talk together about anything not related to the service.)
5. (Orthodox only.) I would like a seat where:
X_ I can see my spouse over the mechitza
6. Please do not place me anywhere near the following people:
(Limit of six; if you require more space, you may wish to consider joining another congregation.)
Mike H. (Father in law, they argue during services.)
Richie H. (Brother in law...they simply detest each other.)
Your name: Tom S.
Building fund pledge: Oh, please. I'm a musician. Like I can afford that!

My Husband, David N.:
1. I would prefer to sit in the... (Check one:)
X_ Talking section
2. If talking, which category do you prefer? (Indicate order of interest:)
X_ General gossip
3. Which of the following would you like to be near for free professional advice?
X_ Other: Do you have a Mechanic in the house?
4. I want a seat located (Indicate order of priority:)
_1_ Near my in-laws (Note: Father ini law)
_2_ Where no one on the bimah can see/hear me talking during services
_3_ Where I can sleep during the rabbi's sermon [additional charge]
5. (Orthodox only.) I would like a seat where:
X_ I can see my spouse over the mechitza
6. Please do not place me anywhere near the following people:
(Limit of six; if you require more space, you may wish to consider joining another congregation.)
Mike H. (Grandfather in law...they hate each other)
Your name: David N.
Building fund pledge: Umm....didn't Lona fill this part out?

And, finaly, Me, Lona N.:
1. I would prefer to sit in the... (Check one:)
___ No talking section
3. Which of the following would you like to be near for free professional advice?
X_ Other: Anything but a plumber
4. I want a seat located (Indicate order of priority:)
_4_ Near the exit
_3_ Near the bathroom
_1_ Where no one will notice me sleeping during services
_2_ Where I can sleep during the rabbi's sermon [additional charge]
_5_ Other: Near Dejah H. (Cousin, they'll girl talk ini the bathroom during the service if neither can sleep.)
5. (Orthodox only.) I would like a seat where:
X_ I can see my spouse over the mechitza
6. Please do not place me anywhere near the following people:
(Limit of six; if you require more space, you may wish to consider joining another congregation.)
Kathy S. (Aunt...they tend to argue over why Lona even bothered to come.)
Pat H. (Grandmother....will catch hell for not coming to services the rest of the year.) Your name: Lona N.
Building fund pledge: David'll let you know.

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It is truly the time for self evaluation -- schwabra, 17:32:14 09/04/02 Wed