How to spot a Wiccan -- Final End

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Date Posted: 17:42:31 07/05/02 Fri
Author: Drummond
Subject: How to spot a Wiccan

From http://wwwlandoverbaptistchurch.org

Spotting Wiccans:
This information could save a Christian life!

Appearance:

Wiccans are generally overweight and of pale complexion. If they are not pale, they use powder or makeup (even the boys!) to generate the illusion of paleness or death. Wiccans are given to the piercing of skin as a sign of submission to their master, Satan. Look for multiple piercing and piercing in peculiar places like the nose, cheeks, eyebrows, lips, fingertips, chin, forehead, tongue, and on the shocking devil�s tip of the ear! Some Wiccans pierce their genitals as well. If you happen to peek over into the stall next to you and see a urination stream spraying in three directions (to mock the Trinity), it is likely the person is a Wiccan who just had the tip of his penis carefully pierced by his coven leader. (NOTE: Most coven leaders are either Catholic priests or tattoo parlor owners)

Wiccans are under a contract with Satan to wear black. It is one of the first things they learn when they are indoctrinated into their cult. You can spot them mostly in leather, lace, black fingernail polish, eye makeup, and lipstick. Some Wiccans even wear black underwear! But since you are a Christian, you won�t have to see that unless you capture one.

It is a well-known fact that Wiccans only bathe once a month, as such; they have a distinctively unpleasant odor they try to hide by wearing perfumes like patchouli or wolf�s bane.

Wiccans wear lots of silver jewelry that is never clean. If you see someone wearing rings, amulets, broaches, or necklaces caked with green mold, most likely that person is a Wiccan.

Skills:

Wiccans usually bring home better grades at school than most of their peers. This is not because they are more intelligent, but rather because they cheat by casting spells and hexes on their teachers. Their master (Satan) is also highly adept at moving their pudgy little fingers in the right direction on a test paper. It is also important to note here that if a Wiccan is sober enough to vote, it will always be for a Democrat. The word "democrat" is closely associated with the word, "demon." Most True Christians� commonly refer to Democrats as "Demoncrats" and already keep a firearm handy during election time, so this information might be redundant for some.

Behavior:

Most Wiccans congregate in groups that prey on loners. They are generally a quiet lot because they are constantly thinking about new ways to kidnap True Christian� children and drain their bodies of blood. Wiccans like to purchase knives and swords from master Wiccan craftsmen who camp out at Renaissance Festivals (Renaissance Festivals are run by the Catholic Church - LBC Creation Science Vatican Study, 1983, pg 114-127). It's a preference of blade over gun because a good part of their satanic ritual includes a precise cutting of Christian flesh into bite-size Jesus steaks that are oftentimes smoked and cured into what Wiccans jokingly call, "Jesus Jerky." These fat little demons get a real hellish kick out of sitting around their school lunch table, nibbling on Christian flesh while classmates look on unaware.

Wiccans are also known to tear out pages from the Bible (especially pages that have red writing on them). They use them to roll marijuana cigarettes into something they refer to as "a joint."
If you've read up to this point, you should have enough information to help you spot a Wiccan. We hope you find the details provided here, useful. We've done all of this, free of charge. If you'd like to continue your education and learn how to stalk, hunt, and trap live Wiccans, we suggest you purchase a copy of Pastor Deacon Fred�s new book: Wicca: Intoxicated By Christian Blood - now available at your local Bible bookstore ($49.99. Autographed first edition hardcover - $129.99). The information placed on this website is a high level summary from chapter one of Pastor's book.

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Replies:

I'm hoping this is a parody site. -- Lona, 19:25:26 07/05/02 Fri
- Yes, it's parody Lona! -- Drummond, 00:02:22 07/06/02 Sat
  - A few other signs -- Noomy, 05:38:00 07/06/02 Sat
    - Oh, what the hell... -- Lona, 20:28:30 07/06/02 Sat