| Subject: Re: Upon Streams Of Life |
Author:
Orcish
|
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Date Posted: 00:25:14 05/14/02 Tue
Author Host/IP: wks-65-27-65-174.kscable.com/65.27.65.174
In reply to:
Hope
's message, "Upon Streams Of Life" on 08:40:32 05/09/02 Thu
Hope,
I like the flow and the images. This reads really well, and is a lot of fun. There is one little awkward spot.
"We had never met
Perhaps never will"
I think the tenses are just a little mixed here. I think "would" works better with "had", but that screws up your rhyme and flow, so perhaps substitute "have" for "had"?
Just a suggestion. Thanks for sharing this wonderful read!
Orc
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