Re: ******SSR****** -- Dreaming With The Daffodils

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Date Posted: 16:44:45 12/01/10 Wed
Author: SS
Subject: Re: ******SSR******
In reply to: SS 's message, "******SSR******" on 11:19:59 12/01/10 Wed

Santa Speedo Run
By: Lisping Hibiscus
11/28/10

Every Christmas season, you bet I'll get my festive fix,
I export more powdered snow than the Heilongjiang Province,
I ring more silver bells than Mykola Leontovych,
and make spirits brighter than all of downtown Natchitoches.

I re-enact "Yes, Virginia, There Is A Santa Claus",
at 115 West Ninety-Fifth Street, right on her front lawn,
in the form of a puppet show, where my friends form flash mobs,
dressed as fairies, crawling like ants and eating Ganzeltopf.

Yes, all my friends think I've had too much cranberry kissel,
ah, but this year I'm craving more than just B�che de No�l!
Word has it the North 45 Degrees Pub is hosting,
a historic first for this town that will leave eyes bulging!

Now this time, instead of overreaching and thinking big,
I'm gonna do some downsizing, be a minimalist!
Less is more and next to nothing, curiously enough!
So take it all off and jingle that thong like Aubrey Huff!
(That's the holiday spirit, now!)

Ho ho ho, come and tag along,
in nothin' but a Santa Hat and a red V-Back Thong,
we'll guzzle up a few beers from the boot,
(L'Acchaim!)
it doesn't matter if you're clean-shaven or histute!
I know you have the body to pull it off,
all in the name of a good cause!
(Huzzah!)
So brave the cold and have some fun,
chasin' the pale frigid December sun,
with us at the Santa Speedo Run!

My girlfriend told me: "Are you insane? Have you thought this through?
You'll look like an idiot! You might get arrested too!
Think of all those kibitzers with their Nokia N8's!
You'll flood Facebook news feeds and become YouTube's latest jape!

I said, "Hey, a man's gotta do what a man's gotta do!
(I'd kill to be as famous as spacelord72!)
When there's an open mind, there will always be a frontier,
I ain't no clay pigeon, I'm doin' this for me, you hear?"

She said, "What if it's snowing? You'll get hypothermia!"
I said, "Don't trust the weatherman and his hyperbola!
Besides, in Boston they've braved it through the black ice and slush,
at below-freezing temperatures! They ain't daft as a brush!"

She replied, "Well don't come crying to me if you slip up,
and finish up with chondromalacia patellae!"
I answered back, "Hey, that's exactly why we do stretches!
In fact, along the route we pause to do calisthenics!

They've been known to improve the muscle's elasticity,
and reaffirm comfortable muscle tone, specifically.
Squat thrusts! Russian twists! Jumping jacks and One Half Locusts!
Elbow circles! Crosscut Lunge! Flutter-kicking chauvinist!

Yep, don't need no Alexander Method or Feldenkrais,
to keep your heart-rate up and condition that supple spine,
no Wunda Chairs or Pedi-Poles as used in pilates,
we jocks rock it like it's the Battle of Thermopylae!"

She cocked her head peevishly, and breathed: "You don't even drink!"
I said, "You're right! Ninkasi's legacy just ain't my thing!
I suppose it has something to do with how I was raised!
Like when I'd go with my dad to these college football games...

...and we'd sit there in the twelfth row of Section 23,
at Autzen Stadium to cheer the Ducks to victory...
...and I recall one fateful October day years ago,
when they were playing the USC Trojans there at home...

...and right after the Ducks won a nail-biter of a bowl,
the crowd noise reached 128 decibels,
and this guy behind me must have screamed louder than Jill Drake,
only to then hurl a sour-lager-vomit bouqet.

I had never felt so violated in all my life,
to the point any scent of beer can leave me traumatized!
But, hey, pubs must serve Nicaraguan Negroni Punch too!
Or at the very least a Scroogedriver or

spencer butte
frosty noggin

dizzy damage

Le P�re Fouettard
Knecht Ruprecht
Zwarte Piet
Lasyone's Meat Pie Restaurant
cranberry kissel
Yuletide Cats
Laufabrau�
Bj�gnakr�kir (Yule Lad)
Pinnekj�tt
32 feet and eight little tails
patapan
boar's head carol

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