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Date Posted: 00:24:23 08/18/09 Tue
Author: SS
Subject: Re: ****************EROSFESTP3**************
In reply to: SS 's message, "Re: ****************EROSFESTP2**************" on 09:29:17 08/17/09 Mon

We live in a fantasy world, a world of illusion. The great task in life is to find reality."
- Iris Murdoch

*

I've always long believed what Oscar Wilde ventilated years ago; that the so-called "real lives" that we lead are ever so often the lives that we do not lead. If anything, most of the definitive moments in our existence, of civilization, came into fruition thanks to the faculty of the human imagination, not through the rigidity and inexorability of social structures and order..........for art has always been, historically, a harbinger and catalyst for both personal, social and cultural transformation and evolution, as well as encourages every one of us to see ourselves and the world in unexpected, frequently rewarding, ways.............something which we just can't count on an ordered system or chain of command to guarantee..............which both Freddy Zental Weaver's show-stopping performance "TantraNova Man" and the Wanderlust Circus demonstrated to a tee the following night under the DreamTent.



I believe that this is exactly what made ErosFest Northwest a monumental success: that dozens of both local and national legends and visionaries were all assembled here; in the same venue, under the same satin white canopy, with an intermutual veneration and cognizance for the essence of art, as well as a sex-positive culture that embraces sexuality as a creative, positive force in our lives that germinates endless possibility and inspiration and doesn't make hierarchical moral or ethical distinctions between sexualities. As Maya Angelou said: "If one is lucky, a solitary fantasy can totally transform one million realities." and, ultimately, Gabriella's labor of love began as a fantasy that has, if not transformed a million realities necessarily, nonetheless undoubtedly transformed dozens (I dare say hundreds) in a single weekend.............perhaps even inspiring a host of new spinoff fantasies among some of the attendees...........and that is, in itself, something to rejoice and sing praises to.



Unlike the previous two days of the festival, where I had no specific schedule set as a volunteer and I just offered my services as an on-hand volunteer, today I was assigned as the Volunteer Team Leader for Workshop Assistant volunteers from 10 AM to 10 PM. My general responsibilities as a Volunteer Team Leader were quite similar to those I employ as a Volunteer Leader at Hands On Greater Portland: 1) making confirmation calls and sending confirmation e-mails to each participating volunteer to verify their attendance, 2) being present at the location to serve as a guide and manager of each of the volunteers, 3) whenever the conditions dictate it to help re-allocate volunteers on my team and 4) helping them achieve a deeper appreciation of their volunteer experience by cheering them on and also encouraging them to use their critical-thinking skills to consider and evaluate what it is they got out of their task and where the potential for greater possibility can be found in hindsight.



The Workshop Assistant volunteers' basic duties were 1) preparing the room before each workshop, from asking the workshop presenters how they'd like the chairs, mats, blankets, etc. arranged in the room and in which quantity, as well as providing water, electric fans, projectors and any other basic services as requested, 2) entering each workshop a half hour before it wraps up to hand out Workshop Evaluation Forms and to signal a start to a Q&A session, 3) collecting tickets at the door and providing host/hostess sensibilities to people waiting to get in at the door who don't have tickets, 4) collocating the completed evaluation forms from both the attendees and the presenters and 5) helping out with any clean-up following a workshop when requested.



My crew of volunteers did an unmistakably supercalifragilisticexpialidocious job. One of them, Alain Bally, skulked into the Workshop Room after each workshop was complete and was hard at work before I even took notice. Another, Ryan Custer, had given me a call back to confirm he was indeed coming to volunteer........something that doesn't happen as often as we hope at Hands On Greater Portland........and came right up to me at 10 AM with a grin on his face and went straight to the DreamBox to prepare setting up the "Pelvic Fitness & Bodywork for Women" workshop that would take place a half hour later. And Lesley Sario and Teri Dillon both went about, working as a team often, which I find teamwork is what brings out the best in volunteering in the broadest sense. I couldn't have been more proud with all they accomplished. They are true volunteer superheroes.



My Workshop Committee Lead was Sammo: a most affable and radiant, yet strong-willed and courageous person who I first became familiarized with through the LoveTribe community. Torch was also there to provide assistance, and the three of us would intermittently chat throughout the day (Adonis and a fellow volunteer I first met at the Alberta Co-Op before setting out to promote the festival in the Alberta Art District a week beforehand, Marcel Bolzem, also came over on numerous occasions to chat) at a white table right outside the ThinkTank near the Main Stage whenever we were on a "hurry up and wait" patch of proverbial road (there were plenty of these moments). Due to this, I was often asked to handle some odd jobs between workshops, including carrying out trash bags to a dumpster on the south side of the hotel, as well as carry a medley of oriental mats to a hotel room...........making sure I was always on the periphery to assist my fellow volunteers, especially when Sammo enjoyed a beyond-deserved break by participating in the workshop "Sensual Feast: The Delights of Food and Chocolate" with San Francisco-based relationship coach and social artist Phillippe Lewis in the early afternoon and I kept watch on my own.



Later, around 4:00 PM, when Freddy Zental Weaver's four-hour "TantraNova Theatre Workshop" was three-fourths of the way through in the DreamBox and Darklady had just began her workshop "Writing About Sex for Fun and Profit" half an hour earlier in the ThinkTank, and Jeff Egil was amidst a major Body Painting bonanza in preparation for the Fantasy Feast & Silent Art Auction this evening, where au naturel, body-painted subjects would go around serving antipasti and beverages while everyone would get a table side view of the fine art for sale at the silent auction............I was abruptly asked by Crystal to assist with an off-site assignment: delivering program guides in key Portland commercial districts to promote the festival. Flummoxed as I was by the request, given I had an immense responsibility to attend to as it was, Torch nonetheless insisted she could manage and, being one who always loves to rise to the occasion and say "Yes!", I headed out to the hotel valet parking lot with two fellow volunteers: Jerry Gilkerson, who provided us transportation to deliver the program guides, and Shawn Petch, who assisted me with festival guide allotment.



We decided to frequent westbound Burnside Street first, then made our way across the Burnside Bridge to the ForkFly Gallery, where I would drop off a stack of program guides for the volunteers and crew there, then keep making a series of trips to and from the car with hands stockpiled with program guides: first to Skidmore Fountain where many of Portland's famed nightclubs were including the Voodoo Lounge, Berbati's Pan and the Barracuda, then to Burnside Street where some other nightclubs and diners were located, then to Powell's Bookstore and the general vicinity around it, etc. By the time I returned to Jerry's car after the peregrination to and from Powell's, Jerry had confirmed that Shawn had not returned once since setting off to deliver his first stack. As much as it pained both of us to have to depart, with the thought of Shawn possibly feeling marooned if he had suddenly returned (our deepest apologies, Shawn) we were running out of time, he hadn't kept contact with us and there was no sign of him returning, and we had to frequent the 23rd Avenue District, where I jogged up and down the eighteen-block commercial stretch in northwest Portland to make up for lost time and divvy up the remaining program guides.



By the time I completed the delivery, it was about 6 PM, and Jerry asked that he head over across the Willamette and take care of a little personal errand before returning to the Jupiter Hotel. I nodded in agreement, and we drove back across the city where, along the way, we had a very dense conversation comparing street signs in the United States of America to those in the Netherlands (he mentioned that, in the Netherlands, all traffic coming from the right, including bicycles, has the right of way with the only exception being when a yellow or orange diamond sign indicates otherwise) and then Jerry recommended I look into Indian mystic and teacher Osho's (Bhagwan Shree Rajneesh) writings which he believes are an official precursor to the sex-positive movement. After Jerry stopped by a factory underneath the Hawthorne Bridge to collect some buckets from work, we returned to the Jupiter Hotel around 6:30 PM, where staff members and volunteers were beginning to re-arrange the DreamTent space for the Fantasy Feast.



I sat down at a table toward the back of the dining area, where Mike Kaiser and Rowdy were seated, to join them for this beguiling banquet. Fellow volunteer Christine Forward eventually found us as well and sat down next to me and across from Rowdy, and Avi then came and sat at the table next to ours as well. Soon enough, one of the threadbare waiters came by our table to pass out egg-spinach bites and canapés, while another passed around glasses of water. Shortly afterward, the five of us were tickled seeing that Lauren hAhA of San Francisco's Tantric Circus had been body painted herself and was going around hand-feeding strawberries and grapes by the vine to male attendees one by one, sealing each feeding with a soft, sultry kiss on the lips. And surely enough, Lauren eventually found her way to Rowdy, who placed a strawberry slowly in his mouth and then proceeded to take his breath away for a good forty seconds or so, with all of us transfixed on the ethereal fireworks. Christine then said that it was only a matter of time before I was smitten over, along with Michael and Avi, and I knew she was right! ;)



Well, that's exactly what happened when, after traversing back and forth to entice and ensnare her precious prey...........she found her way to me with a tray of strawberries in hand, and as she reached out slowly with a strawberry in her other hand, I opened my mouth........daintily licking the tip of the forbidden fruit until it was lodged well in my mouth and I softly nibbled at it.............and then, as the juices effervesced within my orifice, she leaned down and sealed it shut with her velveteen, steamy mouth...........which would be, in fact, my first kiss. At least thirty seconds must have lapsed by before her lips detached from mine, and through all that time I felt a gossamer static suffuse my entire body, and I felt my brain melting like molasses on a humid July morning to the point I wasn't interested in the concept of time at all, because my head had never felt this weightless, this sylphlike, before, and I felt this dizzy spell of delicious disbelief that lingered with me well into the night............from my first kiss...........here at the Fantasy Feast at ErosFest Northwest.............an unmatched midsummer night's fantasy.



Even after the Fantasy Feast I found myself still assessing all the flavors and fragrances of the moment just like a trained musical composer would assess all the rhythms, measures, clefs, chords, staffs, staves, major keys, minor keys, appoggiatos, appoggiaturas, breves, semibreves, quavers, semiquavers, demiquavers, leading notes, fundamental notes, tonics and supertonics, among so much else, in a paean. There were several instances where Christine had to repeat a question to me because I was distracted to the first degree, was lost in this moment, well-aware of how a single kiss is truly metaphysical gravity, with a first one being like the most rarest, yet precious, language known in existence. Nonetheless, the servers could only serve so much, and the time had come for us to get out of our seats and complete our meals by heading back to the end of the buffet line, where Sympatico had provided braised asparagus in lemon butter, portobello mushroom, red pepper and summer squash kabobs and a lime-kissed rice pilaf among many other selections. Then, after finishing our meals, we couldn't forget about dessert, so we paid our tithes to the dessert table, where Cocoa Velvet had provided a Chocolate Fondue Fountain, with a mélange of fresh fruits, pretzels and other finger foods to arrange in a kabob-form and plant under the cascading cacao cataracts. So I soused some strawberries, pineapple chunks, raspberries, peach slices and pretzels in pure milk chocolate and returned to my seat to indulge in a dessert that wasn't quite as elaborate and sophisticated as Phillippe Lewis' "Sensual Feast: The Delights of Food and Chocolate", but all the same to me simply being here at ErosFest Northwest..........especially since that first kiss was a myriad of desserts all in itself! ^__^



After dinner, Rowdy asked me if I could help make an urgent run for Merlot, Cabernet Sauvignon, Pinot Noir and sangria to keep the bar well-stocked for the Erotic ReEvolution Party, headlined by Tantric Circus, from 9 PM to 2 AM, adding to try and find Avi while looking for some money to make the trip possible. I agreed to but added I would need transportation, and so Avi decided to accompany me. Initially I raised the thought of visiting the Whole Foods Market at 28th & Burnside, which Avi found to be a good idea, but ultimately we found the prices of some of the wines to be unsatisfying and, moreover, since the store had no sangria in stock, we decided to leave the store empty-handed and try our luck elsewhere. Avi then suggested the Fred Meyer at 39th & Hawthorne, which I agreed to, and it was there we were ecstatic to find some decent brands of each of those wine varieties well below the $10 per bottle range. We managed, by getting everything on the wine list, to save about $30 by shopping there whereas, had we shopped at Whole Foods, we wouldn't have even been able to buy as many bottles of each wine variety as desired on the list, let alone find any sangria.



By the time we returned to the Jupiter Hotel with the wine, which I assisted Avi in carrying over to the bar area of the DreamTent, a body painting studio/dance event called "GLOW" featuring Ecstatic Alchemy was drawing to an end; a fully consensual dance event where, with the exception of the skimpiest of bottoms, anyone could take nearly all their clothes off and goose their whole body up in glow-in-the-dark paint, then step out onto the dance floor in the DreamTent, surrounded by large, rectangular blacklite panels, and dance the body electric. Alas, I was only able to get one side of my face entirely dabbed in yellow Day-Glo before it was time to clean up the room for the LoveTribe Romp (I wasn't able to get it all scrubbed off my face until the afternoon the following day, LOL!) so, because I felt I wasn't exactly Erotic ReEvolution Party material being underprepared and all, I decided I would just take it low-key this evening (as well as early morning) and join in on the LoveTribe Romp.



Unlike a LoveTribe Snuggle, a LoveTribe Romp allows for erotic exploration that includes all sorts of connection shy of direct genital play. In other words, you could (consensually, of course) take your shirt off, you could put your hands all over someone and caress someone sensually, you could kiss someone on almost any part of another person's body, etc. with permission from each person.......but everyone must keep their pants on the whole time. A Romp is basically about providing a safe, sane and consensual place for anyone to explore a wider range of loving touch and erotic playfulness that doesn't go as far as "taking it all the way"...............so it's essentially taking a Snuggle to the next level, beyond the realm of massage circles and steam rollers.



I was enthralled with the idea on the onset, when JoAutumn, Jas and a few other some experienced LoveTribe members kicked the Romp off with a set of exercises that encourage each person to make requests to another person, and to 1) have the right to say "No!" to an offer and the other person replying "Thank you for taking care of yourself!" as well as 2) learn to effectively negotiate or find a middle ground in the event one person is somewhat uneasy with one request but desires to be touched in another way. Then we were asked to close our eyes, and to envision ourselves on a remote desert island, in the form of our favorite animal, and then envisioning a diversity of other animals on the island, and then pacing around the floor socializing with all these other animals and connecting with like animals or animals similar to our species, thus beginning the Romp............and I still LOVE the idea of a Romp wholeheartedly. Unfortunately, I quickly found my first Romp experience to be unsatisfying because, in seeming antithesis to the one-on-one rotation style implied in the Romp's introduction, I espied the room to find that many participants were gathering into clique-like clusters all across the floor, which on first impression made it seem as though more experienced LoveTribe members preferred to engage in their own familiar group setting, while many newbies that came as friends or couples preferred to spend this time exclusively between them, etc. That perception couldn't help but leave me feeling in a state of awkwardness; where I wanted to connect, but didn't know how...........like there was some secret non-verbal vernacular I hadn't yet intuitively grasped, or I had to somehow decipher a social puzzle of sorts to find my way into one of those groups.



So I decided to consult one of the "Romp Angels" for advice (a Romp Angel serves as a guide and monitor of the event, seeing to it each person's boundaries is respected among other things) and he told me it's natural for someone to be shy or to feel awkward at their first gathering of this sort, but ultimately it is our own decisions that either push us forward or hold us back. And as I've reflected on this, he was absolutely right. While some peers agreed with my sentiments following the Romp, the bottom line is that I allowed my own insecurities and stigmas from the past encumber my desire to break, and explore beyond these artificial barriers. Ultimately I'm the one who makes the choice, I'm the one who needs to ask what it is that my heart desires, for we are each responsible for creating our own experiences and, in this instance, I did not allow myself to challenge those barriers that keeps me from risking...........which is a lesson I will keep in mind in subsequent gatherings of this sort.

I only wish I came to this realization before this particular Romp came to an end. During the whole three hours between 11 PM and 2 AM I just awkwardly oscillated between pacing the sides of the room, speaking with other participants who were taking water breaks and, by the end, just sitting extremely motionless in a white lawn chair toward the back of the room..........feeling miserable that I had failed to open up on even a basic level here.........and that there was no time remaining in this particular session to run against the grain. So at 2 AM I slowly ambled toward a sofa to the right of the Main Stage, and I just sat there alone, frustrated with myself.



Gabriella then noticed me sitting there, who could see I was in a despondent mood, and so she sat down next to me, asked me what was wrong, and I explained my situation to her, literally having my second emotional breakdown of sorts at the festival as I did so. After allowing me to detail my predicament uninterrupted, Gabriella, speaking in a comforting tone, said I have a gift of putting words to thoughts she often has but can't quite figure out, and was amazed at how vividly I describe emotions and all of life's moments in general. She then reassured me in her soothing tone that it will just take some time to shatter those barriers, but that it WILL happen, and then finally said that she believes a sensitive, sensual person like myself would be ideal for a dakini. Most appreciative of her offer and her warmth and succor, she then asked if I was going to spend the night at the hotel because she felt uneasy about me walking home this late, I told her that I let my parents know I would be spending the night here this time around, and she said a pile of pillows and blankets were available on the mats in the DreamTent, which I could slumber on.



But, as you can imagine, given the entire slate of emotions and wild mood swings me (as well as many others) at the festival had endured this day, which could be likened to Kingda Ka, Steel Dragon 2000 or any of the world's fastest, most mind-bending corkscrew roller coasters............I didn't feel sleepy at all despite it being 2:30 in the morning. In fact, many of my fellow volunteers, as well as Avi, Crystal and a few other staff members and performers, were regularly pacing the DreamTent for at least the next hour and a half like I was, trying to unwind and confidently having the courage to call it a night. Given the breakdown I had less than an hour ago, I already was feeling much better again after chatting with some of my peers at random, and in-between each micro-jive aimlessly pacing the hotel perimeter. I had remembered at one point that Freddy Zental Weaver told me his room was Room 234 and, given he encouraged me to head up there and chat with him regardless of the time, I thought it a good idea to pay him a visit, so around 3:15 AM I ascended the stairwell, came up to Room 234 and knocked on his door, but got no response after two knockings so, assuming he was sound asleep and wished not to be disturbed, I returned to the DreamTent and kept striding the foyer with a surprisingly swift celerity at 3:30 in the morning.



Finally, around 4 AM I began to feel sleepy, so I returned to the DreamTent, crawled in under my blanket, rested my back on the cushy mats and made an earnest effort to close my eyes and pay a brief visit to the Sandman before the break of dawn. Interestingly enough, Alexander Sky, Portland's premier male belly dancer, was also spending the night in the DreamTent tonight, and he himself was struggling to catch some Z's. So, he put his energy to good use by picking up a stick of chalk and, with it, practicing his fine calligraphy on the room's blackboard; beginning by writing a famous quote from John Lennon ("Life is what happens to you while you're busy making other plans.") and then preceding to write his own name in large, colorful letters, regularly asking for my feedback on how it looked from my distance. His absorbing attention to detail kept my eyes transfixed on his every letter, and it must have been about 4:45 AM or so when I finally nodded off to Neverland.............appropriately enjoying some sonorous somnolence in a hotel room with a fantasy-ridden name...........amidst a festival that has conjured up the most exquisite fantasies in many.............reminding every one of us a kernel of truth the founder of the Whole Earth Catalog, Stewart Brand, espoused: "When a fantasy turns you on, you're obligated to God and nature to start doing it right away."

This was the discernment I slept on, and held true to my heart, the following day.

*

*

(To Be Continued...)

XOXO,
Noah Eaton
(LispingHibiscus)

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