| Subject: Re: Scared that I am not going to have any help with my first pregnancy |
Author:
Pat
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Date Posted: 08/ 8/09 9:38am
In reply to:
Emily
's message, "Scared that I am not going to have any help with my first pregnancy" on 08/ 7/09 6:44pm
Hi, Emily,
I am glad to hear that your mother is being somewhat cooperative at this point. Being scared is certainly normal. You are now legally an adult, and it is time to start doing adult things. You will need to develop some courage. Courage isn't about being unafraid. It's about doing what you need to do in spite of your fear.
There is really no reason you have to wait to start college. I went to college while I was pregnant, and when I had children. In fact, when I graduated, I had four children, three of them preschoolers. You have one option I didn't have: you can take courses online. Find a reputable accredited college and see what they will offer. Or, you may be able to go to a junior college. Would your mother be willing to take care of the baby while you are in class? It sounds like you are welcome to remain at home, which is a good thing.
If you are on medicaid and so forth (are you getting on WIC?), why does your mother think you need to get a job? While it might be a good idea, it may not be that you are incurring extra expenses because you are pregnant. If your doctors' visits are covered by medicaid, what other expenses do you have? I would really like to find out.
I am very glad that you don't want to have anything more to do with the father. You may well be able to assure that he has no parental rights, but you should talk to a lawyer about that. You may be able to get a referral to a lawyer who will donate his time, at least some of it, or you may be able to get some help from the organization I will be recommending. They can recommend someone.
If you plan on breastfeeding your baby, assuming you don't choose adoption, this will save the cost of formula, which can be expensive. You can still get WIC. It will help with your own nutrition. In addition to this, I recommend you find an organization in your area that helps pregnant women. You can find one by going here:
pregnancycenters.org
As far as going to the doctor by yourself is concerned, can you tell us why you are afraid to go by yourself? What do you think the doctor will do to you? If you feel he may do some things you won't agree with, you may be able to tell your mother you'd like her support for that reason. Otherwise, someone from the organization may be willing to go with you. But if they recommend a good doctor, you can steel yourself and go. It will be good for you to start being that responsible. But talk to them about it. See what they say. They may be able to alleviate your fears, too. Normally, the doctor will examine you (have you ever had an internal exam?) I don't like them, and I think most women don't, but unfortunately it comes with the territory. I'm not sure that you can talk him out of it. It's unpleasant, but you can survive it. And he will want to do this even if your mother is with you. And he will probably run blood tests and weigh you. If he wants to do anything else, I will be surprised. After that, the doctor may not do an internal exam each time.
You should work out a birth plan. I know right now it's a little early, but it is something to start thinking about. A birth plan is a writing that shows what you want during your birth, and what your expectations are. You can probably get some help with the various things from the organization, or you can go to La Leche League and talk to the ladies there. That would also be a good place to get a recommendation for a doctor, because they know who the ones are that respect women. These days, unnecessary interventions in birth are common. This includes inducing labor, monitoring the mother during labor and making her lie on her back (NOT a good idea), and even Caesarian. There are far too many Caesarians going on. So finding a good doctor is very important. You can start to go to one doctor, and as you learn more, you can switch doctors if you want. And I will be willing to talk about more details when you have questions.
You can also get help with baby supplies and clothing from the organization. And if you are going to school, you may be able to get a Pell grant. Some women here have told us that they actually were better off financially because they were pregnant!
Make sure you get enough protein, and take your prenatal vitamins. You might check and see if there is a health food store that has prenatal vitamins, because they will be better. For safety's sake, take the low dose ones. If you run into any problems with this, I can offer further suggestions.
Take one day at a time. Just tell yourself that you can make it through this day, and then at the end of the day, look back and see that you have made it through the day. Come back any time you need to talk, and let us know how you are doing from time to time. Feel free to ask questions.
Hugs,
Pat
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