Re: First pregnancy -- Unplanned Pregnancy Advice Board

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Tuesday, May 07, 15:35:28

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Subject: Re: First pregnancy

Author:
Sharon

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Date Posted: 07/12/06 12:57am
In reply to: Jacqueline 's message, "First pregnancy" on 07/ 9/06 8:50pm

Jacqueline,

I've always been bothered by women saying "I could never give my baby up for adoption, because I would always wonder about him or her" and in the next breath saying "so I'm going to have an abortion." It seems to obvious to me (and I apologize for being so blunt, but I feel I have to say this) that the woman is selfishly saying "I'd rather have my baby be dead than have me live with worrying about him or her."

It sound like you already know that you will regret this abortion...so don't do it. You have the power to NOT do it now, but no power on earth will be able to undo it after the fact. Seriously look into adoption. I planned on giving my son up for adoption for the first 8 months of the pregnancy! It wasn't until that last month that I realized that I really wanted to raise him myself, even though that would mean raising him in a single parent household (which was the case for the first 18 months of his life - but I don't think he's any worse for it ;-) In fact, I think part of the reason that pregnancies last 9 months is to give us plenty of time to get used to the idea ;-)

I wonder if part of the reason you're even considering abortion is because you are trying to give yourself some time to ease into the idea of being pregnant...in other words, if you think of yourself as having an "out", it allows you to ease into the thought of being pregnant. BUT, I would STRONGLY urge you to NOT have an abortion if for no other reason than the fact that you, yourself, have said you know you would want to have this baby if all circumstances were right. Circumstances are never perfect, though. And sometimes the things we see as hurdles or problems turn out to be incredible blessings.

Like some of the other posters reommended, be sure to educate yourself about the abortion procedure, about post-abortive emotional repercussions, about physical side-effects (did you know that some studies have shown that nearly 25% of women become infertile after just ONE abortion?! I have a friend who falls into that category - she aborted her first pregnancy and was never able to conceive again.) The pro-choice side sometimes minimizes the negative effects of abortion because they want to avoid anything that might interfere with abortion being made readily accessible. That means that women have to search on their own to really get ALL the facts.

Be sure to see an ultrasound of your little one... Like some of the posters said, those are often free at crisis pregnancy centers. They are absolutely amazing. You'll see his (or her) little heart beating.

Hang in there.

Sharon

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Re: First pregnancy

Author:
Melanie
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Date Posted: 07/12/06 1:22am

Hi Jacqueline,

I can understand your concerns. It's hard to accept help from others. However, it is no crime to accept a little help. There is a big difference between depending on everyone else for everything and accepting a little help. I know very few parents (even better off ones) who don't get hand me downs for children's clothing at least sometimes. I mean it doesn't make sense to just toss them. LOL

Just curious, what makes you think your relationship with Domenic would not survive with a child? I can tell you that an abortion usually is not the best thing for any relationship. If the relationship is going to survive, it will, pregnancy or not. Relationships are work, but I think it's worth it in the end. :) (BTW, my husband and I only knew each other 11 months before we got married.)

I don't think you are a selfish "B****" but I think you are a little afraid of the future with this baby. Am I right? The future is never certain, with or without a baby. What you want is not really uncommon nor necessarily bad, although it may be a tad unrealistic. Even in the best relationships there are and will be problems. I know.. I've been married 30 years! ;) I know that things weren't always the best for you, but how are they now? I know when we had children that we always have had times of plenty and times when things were not as great financially. Not very many people start out with a lot and always have a lot.

As for your boyfriend's parents, why not tell them before you go ahead and see how they do? Give them a chance. I know it's really scary!! IT's hard to go into a situation with someone you don't know well, especially when you don't think it's the best of news.

I hope I'm not coming across like I'm "lecturing" or anything. But do stop and think. The way things are now are not necessarily how they will always be. You don't have to settle... it is possible that with a little help and planning you can make things work for you and your baby.
Maybe that's something the both of you deserve.

--Melanie