Author:
Pat
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Date Posted: 04/16/09 1:52pm
Hi, May,
I'm really glad you came!
The first question I have to ask is, since when does your boyfriend have a right to expect you to have an abortion and harm your baby? Guys will often coerce a woman to have an abortion she doesn't want. I have a news flash for them: it's not their decision!
If you don't want an abortion, don't have one!
Just so you are aware, both mother and father often have a difficult time accepting the pregnancy at first. Usually the mother accepts it considerably sooner than the father does. A lot of men will accept it when they observe something that makes the pregnancy real, such as seeing changes in the mother's body, hearing the baby's heartbeat, see an ultrasound, or feel movement. Most of that doesn't occur until the second trimester. We mothers notice changes much earlier. Not wanting to be pregnant is aggravated by our hormones. We are pregnant nine months for a reason. Nearly all women are ready for motherhood by the time their baby is born.
There are several things that could be causing your depression, so I will make some recommendations, but these are simply my opinion, and ultimately, you'll have to figure out what to do. But it IS possible to deal with it. Obviously, the situation isn't helping because you don't see how you can do this. But the problem may be nutritional. First of all, several things are known to cause or aggravate depression: monosodium glutimate, artificial sweeteners, and psychotropic drugs (the things that are SUPPOSED to fix it). Getting adequate nutrition (vegetarian diets are notorious for not giving good nutrition, especially during pregnancy, since some of the nutrients we need occur only in meat and other animal products) is important. A woman should be faithful about taking prenatal vitamins. The following can be helpful and safe: phosphatidyl choline, and evening primrose oil or borage oil (a source of gamma linolenic acid). If a woman is suffering from a deficiency of GLA, the cause might be monosodium glutimate. That's what it was in my case. I also learned I can detox from MSG by taking Detox by Solaray, ten capsules at a time, a couple of times. MSG can also be disguised in the ingredients list as probably 30 different things. Most common are hydrolyzed (vegetable, fill in the blank) protein, and natural flavors. Artificial sweeteners actually aggravate fat in a woman trying to lose weight. They are very toxic. This includes aspartame and sucralose, which contrary to the hype, is NOT just "made from sugar". The method for making it would curl you toes, with the toxic chemicals used.
If your adrenal glands have been harmed by MSG (as mine have been), then if you take evening primrose oil, you will probably notice a difference in about ten minutes.
In the meantime, just hang in there. Take one day at a time. You'll be past the hormonal rejection of your pregnancy before you know it. But I can guarantee you that abortion SERIOUSLY aggravates depression, and can even make a woman suicidal. In fact, the risk is increased 3 1/2 times, and the risk lasts for about 8 years. There is a much greater chance a woman who has an abortion will suffer a violent death in the year following, compared to a woman who carries to term. Depression is a reason NOT to have an abortion!
Hey, I have sat up all night with a suicidal woman who had an abortion, and it's the scariest thing I have ever experienced!
As for being able to take care of your baby, you will know whether you are going to be able to do that. If not, you can consider adoption. Adoption is a difficult choice, but a good one, and you can get updates on how your child is doing. The important difference is that the mother knows her baby is OK, whereas if she has an abortion, she knows she destroyed her baby, and she has to live with that knowledge the rest of her life.
If you need help with any practical problems, or if you would welcome counseling, you can find a crisis pregnancy agency in your area. To find one, either look in the Yellow Pages under "abortion alternatives" or go here:
pregnancycenters.org.
Good luck with this, and keep us updated. We'll be here for you no matter what you decide.
Hugs,
Pat
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