| Subject: Re: Please help me |
Author:
Pat
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Date Posted: 05/31/09 3:59am
In reply to:
Claire
's message, "Please help me" on 05/30/09 8:43am
Hi, Claire,
Please don't have an abortion. Abortion is dangerous and can kill you. Some ways an abortion can kill you would only take hours. Is it worth it to take that risk? I answer questions from women on another site, and I get several questions a day as a general rule. Many of them are from women who are suffering dangerous complications. If you are thinking of having a medical abortion, please be aware that the second medication they give is being given against the express instructions of the manufacturer, who says it should never be given to a pregnant woman. Given the fact it can kill a woman within hours, that is sensible advice. Any doctor who would give that medication to a pregnant woman is committing malpractice! A surgical abortion can cause so many problems it's not funny. If it doesn't kill a woman, it can still leave her paralyzed or unable to communicate. It can prevent her from ever having a normal pregnancy again. In fact, it can cause a very premature birth, which is a cause of cerebral palsy and other such problems. In a study of the people who perform abortions in England, it was learned that the people with experience were most likely to cause injury. I think this is because they become hardened, and careless. People rarely, if ever, really think what they are doing is right.
You didn't say how your parents would not support you this time. Would they withdraw support if you had the baby, or would they withdraw support if you had an abortion? It sounds to me like you really don't want an abortion, so if you don't want one, don't have one!
And you are right. There is no decision you can take that won't have long term consequences. Right now you are in a panic, and people in a panic don't take good decisions. You have time to think about this. But once you have an abortion, you no longer have any choices at all! If you refrain from having an abortion, you still have two choices open to you: keep your baby, or put your baby up for adoption.
As you found out, condoms don't work.
Your baby doesn't deserve to die for your mistake. You have doubts, and for that reason, you're not a good candidate for abortion anyway. The regrets can eat you alive. There is also a heightened risk of dying a violent death in the year after abortion. The chance a woman will commit suicide is several times what it would be if she carried to term. And having an abortion could greatly increase the possibility that you would be unable to have a normal pregnancy in the future.
You and your ex-fiance don't have a committed relationship. In fact, you are trying to figure out how to become disentangled with each other. Maybe he will think you cheated on him, but consider this: he didn't have the grace to marry you before he put you at risk, and since you don't have an ongoing relationship, it's not cheating on him for you to see someone else. I'm not saying that what you did is right, I am just saying that he doesn't have any valid expectations.
You can take the decision to let your time together (whenever that happens) be as pleasant as possible by refusing to get into any kind of argument. I learned that when someone starts to argue with you (often out of the blue when you think you didn't do anything wrong), it is best NOT to discuss ANY issue with that person other than how he is treating you! Just say, "Why are you treating me like this?" If that doesn't stop the argument, then just walk away. Seriously. Sooner or later, he will get the message, and things will improve. I am confused by your details, though. He is living at home (with his parents?) but you two own a house together. Is there any reason why he can't live elsewhere, and let you and your twins occupy the house until you sell it?
There is help available. There are agencies who will be delighted to help you, to make sure you can make a go of it. To find one in your area, please go here:
www.heartbeatinternational.org/worldwide_directory.asp
There are 238 in England, on 12 pages.
They can help with things like your financial problems, medical care, and with counseling. Your baby is depending on you for your protection. Please don't harm your baby!
We love you and we will be here for you. Take one day at a time. You are a lot stronger than you think. But don't risk your own life and future; take care of yourself. You deserve better. We will pray for you.
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