Author:
Pat
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Date Posted: 06/16/09 11:45pm
Hi, Lea,
I'm so sorry this has happened to you! But I want to tell you that you are being very brave. Courage isn't about not being afraid. It's about doing the right thing in spite of your fears.
I know three women who became pregnant from rape. Two of them had their babies and kept them. The other one had an abortion. The one who had the abortion has been in and out of mental hospitals since then. It was over 15 years ago. She was unable to have a close relationship with anyone, and it destroyed her marriage, even though her husband stuck by her for a very long time.
Of the other two, one has eight children, and she is closest to the one she had because of the rape. She is doing very well.
The other one was gang raped. She concealed her pregnancy from her parents until she was seven months (she was fairly overweight, so that wasn't too hard), because she didn't want to have an abortion. She had her baby, and she and her parents raised her son until she was old enough to do it on her own. She is now happily married.
We will be here for you and give you all the support you need. Your boyfriend is being a real gem. Hang on to him!
Take one day at a time. We will pray for you. You will make it. You are a lot stronger than you think. As long as you are aware that your baby is a separate human being and also a victim of the rape, it will be easier. Your maternal instincts have served you well.
We adopted two children, and I breastfed both of them. That made them seem even more like "mine" because I knew I helped grow their bodies. Of course they always were ours, just as much as our other children. There has never been any question on our part, or that of the other children, that these two men are "family". They love each other dearly, and always help each other out in time of need. If you can possibly breastfeed your baby, it will help.
If you have questions about childbirth or this worries you, let us know. I have experienced five births, and I also studied midwifery for awhile. Also, if you can go to childbirth classes, that will help. But if they tell you to expect pain, interpret that to mean you should expect pressure. Childbirth is an athletic event, so if you can do some exercise to strengthen your heart, that will help. Walking and swimming are both good.
If you are concerned about raising your baby, please know that it starts out easy and you grow with the challenges. The newborn needs shelter, clothing, warmth, food, and love. Mothers talk to their babies, and cuddle them, and this is what is needed for the baby to grow mentally. You can offer your baby the opportunity to grasp a red ring after birth, and most likely he or she will do so. You can also stroke your baby's body a lot. A gentle stroking will cause the baby to tighten the muscles where you are stroking, and this will strengthen the muscles. Stroking the back, for instance, will help the baby learn to sit up earlier. In Uganda, mothers stroked their babies constantly, and their babies were running by seven months. In our family, one of our daughters may well have done this, because her daughter was standing with only a light hand hold, at three months. Establish consistent discipline and easy rules during the baby's second year. This will help immensely.
Just enjoy your baby.
If you choose adoption, we can help with that, too. We can explain a bit about the process.
If you need any other help, you can look in your yellow pages under "abortion alternatives" and find a local organization that will help with all sorts of assistance, including counseling and helping work through financial problems.
If you are going to school or intend to do so, please know that you can do this. I know because I did it. When I got my degree, we had four children, three of them preschoolers.
I hope all this helps.
Hugs,
Pat
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SCARED STRESSED ND A MESS