Re: Sad, alone, confused and hurt...please help -- Unplanned Pregnancy Advice Board

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Subject: Re: Sad, alone, confused and hurt...please help

Author:
Su (Sad for friend)

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Date Posted: 08/12/09 8:52am
In reply to: Su 's message, "Sad, alone, confused and hurt...please help" on 02/19/09 7:27am

Hi Ladies,
How is everyone. We're all doing well. 35 weeks and counting! And Daughter is loving her first summer cast and brace free!
Ok, I'm not exactly sure where to go with this, So i figured I would give you ladies a shot since you helped me before. My friend is about 13 weeks pregnant and is now thinking of adoption because she doesnt know how she is going to do everything on her own. She lives in Ohio with no car and no job at the moment. Shes staying with her mother which she isnt supposed to because her mother is on public assistance and could get kicked out if they find out she has her daugher (my friend) living there. I live in NY and I can only be but of so much help to her and she refuses to move to NY because shes afraid of the crime. I dont want her to give up her baby and I dont think she really wants to either. Shes a very Dependent person and the babys father told her to abort it or put it up fpr adoption and I convinced her not to abort it but now he says he wont help her out at all with the child and he lives in Oregon and she has no information on him except his name i believe. I told her she could have the baby and send it to me while she gets on her feet but she refuses. We also have a friend in Ohio that would be more then willing to help but she doesnt want to ask her. I cant find any cites online that can actually help me or explain how things work over there. I told her to check out public assistance and things like that but neither of us have a clue how it works or where she should go and with out a car there is limited places she can go by bus. Please if anyone knows anything about Ohio or some place we may be able to look online thats worth a shot I would greatly appriciate it. Thank you Ladies for any advice or suggestions!
God Bless you all.

Su

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[> [> Subject: Re: Sad, alone, confused and hurt...please help

Author:
Pat
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Date Posted: 08/12/09 12:43pm

Hi, Su,

Thanks for the excellent report! Congratulations on everything!

As for your friend, I have several thoughts. First, she shouldn't be making a decision on adoption this early. She really should wait until her last trimester. But if she definitely doesn't WANT to choose adoption, then there is help available. Adoption is a good, honorable, but difficult choice. We have four adopted children in our family.

Obviously, if your friend is a very dependent person, she will need to get some independence. In fact, this often happens when a woman progresses through pregnancy. My daughter's mother-in-law, who works for one of the groups I will mention, says it is amazing how much the women grow. But right now, the important thing is to get some counseling and other help. You can go here: pregnancycenters.org and find an organization in her area that can help. They can counsel her, let her know what help and services are available. Then she will be in a better position to make a decision.

Let us know how things go, and feel free to come back with any other concerns you have.

Hugs,
Pat