| Subject: Re: WHAT 2 DO??? DECISIONS 2 MAKE |
Author:
Pat
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Date Posted: 02/14/09 12:35pm
In reply to:
Nichole
's message, "WHAT 2 DO??? DECISIONS 2 MAKE" on 02/13/09 9:14am
Hi, Nichole,
I think the answer is right in your message. You want to be true to yourself. This man hasn't been true to YOU. He is demanding that you destroy his child. What's there to respect about that? He put you at risk. We all know where babies come from. And now he wants to abandon his responsibility, which he freely undertook. It doesn't matter whether the two of you tried to prevent this or not. You both know that contraception isn't perfect.
One thing I'm not clear on. When you say you are a "pro-choice believer", do you mean that you are a believer in choice, or a believer in the Christian faith? I ask you this because often we use the word "believer" to designate a Christian.
To answer your question about his say, he has none. That doesn't mean he won't use psychological means to try to get you to bend to his will. This happens frequently, and about 2/3 of women who get abortions are coerced. This makes a mockery of the word "choice". Please understand that "choice" means someone (usually the father, or circumstances, or the woman's parents) chose to destroy a baby. What kind of choice is that? To deny a tiny and innocent child his lifetime? You already know these things, because you have three other children. Your new child is depending on you for your protection. He or she isn't going to get it from the father. Not only that, but abortion is dangerous. It could kill you or hurt you so badly you won't be able to take care of your other children. And your risk of doing harm to yourself afterwards is greatly increased as well. You don't want an abortion. Don't have one. You aren't a good candidate anyway. Abortion is forever.
If you are thinking you'll keep him if you have an abortion, please realize that most of the time, when a woman has an abortion, the relationship breaks up. You have to live with yourself. He doesn't. He can walk away scot free. And women resent this. They can even develop outrage. This man has the responsibility to protect you from the kind of assault on your body abortion represents.
When does he get to take part of the consequences, or are you supposed to take them by yourself?
One thing it is important to know is that most men don't really relate to pregnancy in the first trimester. You are experiencing changes in your body. He won't be able to observe this until the second trimester. For many men, especially men who don't want a child, this isn't real until they can hear a heartbeat, feel movement, observe changes in the mother's body, or see an ultrasound. Many of them will then change their attitudes. Some don't change until birth. Some don't change at all. But it is important to give him time and a chance.
If you tell him that you have decided not to have an abortion, and your decision is firm, he may hassle you at first. Stand firm. Eventually, he will leave you alone. If he keeps hounding you, hang up the phone or walk out of the room. If he follows you, tell him you are going to leave the room and he must not follow you, and then walk out again. Once he's convinced you mean business, he will probably stop hounding you. If he continues to give you grief, distance yourself from him. He needs time to think. It remains to be seen whether he is a man who deserves you. If he keeps demanding you hurt yourself and your baby, he doesn't. You deserve better.
We will be here for you no matter what, but we won't help you hurt yourself. We will pray for you. We love you both. Take care!
Hugs,
Pat
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