Subject:  Re: No good option |
Author:
Shellie
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Date Posted: 11/ 7/07 12:31pm
In reply to:
Tammy
's message, "No good option" on 11/ 7/07 10:33am
Hi Tammy,
First of all, my heart goes out to for the fact that you've had to endure the pain of being cheated on. I'm really sorry you've had to experience this!
However, thinking that abortion is going to solve anything and even save your marriage is a huge miscall. Now, I can certainly understand your desire to not be cheated on again. And I can see that since the birth of your last child caused your husband to feel unloved, which he says led to an affair, makes you want to avoid this happening again. BUT there are so many flaws in this thinking! Like you said, "I am so fearful of longterm regret, or even transfering the blame onto my husband for creating this horrible situation in the first place." Tammy, I can guarantee this is exactly what would happen.
Most relationships do not survive an abortion--ESPECIALLY, when you do it against your wishes...to hold on to someone. Your desire to not get cheated on is so intense you're considering sacrificing your own child. What are the chances you wouldn't feel guilty about that and not be angry with your husband for making choose to not let your own child be born for fear he'll stray?
And what if you abort and your husband cheats again? He may never cheat again. Many men who've cheated do regret it and never do it again--but do you really want to take such measures when you can't know for sure? Whether your husband strays again or not does not change the fact that this is your child--and ending its life may prove very hurtful to you! It doesn't matter if you're pro-choice. This isn't a political stance--it's your child. From everything in your post it's obvious that you don't want to abort. It's more likely that you'll suffer because abortion isn't what you want; it's what you feel you HAVE to do to save your family. I believe the resentment you'd feel towards your husband would be what ends your marriage and makes forgiving him for his past affair impossible.
It sounds like you want to save your marriage, so do it the right way with the best chance for success:
* Let your child be born!
* Stay in counseling with your husband
* Use good "marriage maintenance", i.e. plenty of dates, love letters, and words of endearment.
* Go to church together (if you don't already)
* Make him a huge part of your pregnancy! Show him how much you need him!
* Let your husband know that how he interacts with, and supports the family makes your love for him even stronger.
Please do post here as often as you like. I hope you find our thoughts helpful.
Take care,
Shellie
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