Author:
Pat
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Date Posted: 11/14/07 5:11pm
Hi, Tammy,
Thanks for the very detailed message. It was helpful.
There are several things I can share with you that I hope will help. First of all, I married a man who I thought was a Christian, and so did he. We didn't find out until after we were married that he wasn't. I think this happens when someone wants to marry you and this clouds his assessment of where he stands spiritually. So the fact that you are Catholic and your husband isn't certainly resonates with my situation. As in your case, he wanted me to make sure the children received a background in my faith. That was really hard, and I don't feel I was all that successful. But God did undertake, and this has helped, though there is still much that can be accomplished. Fortunately, my husband did eventually come around and embrace the Christian faith to a large extent. I see him grow in grace as the weeks pass.
We don't know why God blesses marriages where people are unequally yoked. We just know that He does. You have been blessed. This little one is a blessing and a gift from God. When you think about how beautifully our children are made, it makes it easy to realize how God blesses us with them.
I doubt seriously if your husband even knows where he really stands. He will have to think about it. It is good you are in counseling, because this will help. God often uses His gifts to bring people around. The fact your husband feels so strongly about all of this tells me that the Holy Spirit is working in his heart. Be encouraged! Yes, you are still on shaky ground at the moment, but he is moving in the right direction. As my husband put it last night, no matter where you stand, Jesus is Someone you can't ignore. He has had a profound impact on the world, and there is no other explanation than the fact He is Who He said He is. Being called to become a Christian is God's work, and He works in many different ways, each unique to each person.
As far as your coworkers are concerned, I'd just tell them, look, maybe my husband wasn't faithful, but I am. I am keeping my vows. He has returned to me. So you might as well give it up, because I'm not going to pay attention to you anyway. Marriages can be healed, and God does mend them, and when that happens, and God's hand is in it, it can be much stronger than it would seem possible. Remember, the Christian faith is about grace, which means the UNMERITED favor of God. Marriage is a covenant that God designed. He will undertake. Put yourself in God's hands, and let Him do the work of bringing you back together. The situation is NOT your fault, so don't blame yourself, and I think I'd tell you family exactly the same thing. You are trusting in God for His healing of your marriage, and that's the end of the argument!
God already died for your husband's sin of straying from your marriage. Now rely on the grace of God to forgive him completely as well. He will give it. All you have to do is ask. And tell your husband all of this! Tell him that you are forgiving him because God forgave him, and He has put it on your heart to forgive him as well; this is the Christian way.
Congratulations on the new little one! May God bless all of you richly.
Hugs,
Pat
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