| Subject: Re: I need someone to listen..... please....... |
Author:
Pat
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Date Posted: 11/24/07 1:13pm
In reply to:
Jocelyn
's message, "I need someone to listen..... please......." on 11/23/07 10:22pm
Jocelyn,
I am SO glad you came!
Here is a link to lists of crisis pregnancy agencies: www.pregnancycenters.org
Here are some of the things they can do for you. They can help you find help obtaining food for your family. (Your local homeless shelter and the local food bank might also help.) They can get you started on WIC. They can provide you with access to legal help on your divorce questions. They can help you think things through and find better answers that will save you money, and so forth.
Abortion could kill you or disable you so you cannot take care of your daughters. They NEED you. Abortion is NOT safe. Don't take a chance! Like Heather said, if you don't want an abortion, don't have one! The fact you feel as you do would seriously undermine you spiritually and emotionally and make it much more difficult for you to be a good mother to your daughters. Even if you didn't feel that way, it still could. Abortion is a DEEP invasion of a woman's body, and no woman should ever have to resort to abortion. And your daughters will sense that something is wrong, and it will also upset them emotionally. If they ever find out about it, it could cause them to worry about what you will do to them, or cause them to have survival guilt. It WOULD affect how you interact with them, and it would not be healthy.
There are a couple of things to keep in mind regarding the custody of your children. I don't know the circumstances of your falling out with your husband. So I can't say much about that. But the fact that you live in another state complicates things from HIS standpoint. He is going to have to show that you are an unfit mother even to have a court consider intervening, especially since it sounds like most of the issues in the divorce have been settled. You probably have documents showing what you two decided or what the court has ruled. Getting pregnant doesn't make you an unfit mother. Sure, you violated your own standards, and you are kicking yourself, and from the sound of things, you have kicked yourself enough. It's time to move on and figure out how to make things work. Sure, you are going to keep feeling those emotions. Emotions are fickle things. I'm praying that they will stop hounding you. It doesn't help that there is a huge temptation before you that would make things a lot worse. Abortion does carry a stigma. Suppose that the issue of your having an abortion becomes known to the court. How is that going to help your case? Your husband COULD use that as evidence you are an unfit mother! Your baby is depending on you for your protection. Think how it will sound if your husband says, you harmed THIS baby, so maybe you will harm your daughters? Given the way he is acting, I wouldn't put it past him! But even though there are long arm statutes, courts are more reluctant to invoke them. A court in another state can't automatically use them. because it requires the cooperation of a court in your state as well, if I remember correctly. If you have copies of papers showing what you both agreed to at this point, I would think that will be good evidence this is nothing but pure spite on his part (and he's trying to intimidate you; don't let him get away with it). That's why you need to talk to a lawyer (if you have one for the divorce, talk to him or her). The point is, the burden of proof is on him to prove you are unfit, and that's not necessarily easy, especially since what you did isn't that uncommon these days. Even getting a "second opinion" from someone who knows the laws in your state can help. Your soon-to-be-ex owes you child support even IF you did something he can call "immoral". That doesn't change his obligation. I don't know all the ramifications of this situation, but it doesn't sound to me like your pregnancy would be a huge factor in what happens, in spite of your concerns. But talk to the people at the crisis pregnancy agency. They will help you with the legal issues.
You are so lucky to have a boyfriend who is so supportive. THAT is rare. Ask him if he can help you with food for your children. You also need to eat, for the sake of your third child. If nothing else, let him know about the peanut butter sandwich! Just tell him matter of factly about it. Sometimes a man will adopt a child who isn't his. And you already have two other children he apparently adores, and is willing to support emotionally. It is critical to make sure your soon-to-be-ex doesn't interfere in your relationship, so if he starts to hound you, let the court know about it (let the court know about the emotional abusiveness he's already committing), and if necessary, get a protective order. DON'T let him interfere with this new relationship.
Get in touch with your local crisis pregnancy agency, and let us know what happens. Please keep in touch! Please feel free to come her and vent any time, or ask for advice. We'll be here for you! If you can, try to pray. We'll be praying for you.
Hugs,
Pat
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