keeping but confused -- Unplanned Pregnancy Advice Board

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Subject: keeping but confused

Author:
Elizabeth

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Date Posted: 02/17/08 1:44am

Hi,
my story seems a bit different than most, but I know some women have to be in my situation. I'mm 22, and after graduating college I moved to another country to teach. I recently found out that I'm 11 weeks pregnant. I went through a period of lots of partying and premiscuity, so I'm not entirely sure who the father is. I'm pretty sure that it won't be bi-racial, but it might be. Either way, I've decided to keep the baby. my family is fully supportive and have vowed to do anything in their power to help me raise a healthy. happy baby. although my financial situation isn't great, I do have an education so I'll be able to support myself and the baby as long as I'm smart about it. like I said, I'm not entirely sure who the father is, and I haveno way to contact them if I did. how do you think I should handle the questions that come from people about it? I know when it grows up it's going to want to know about it's father, and I won't have alot to tell it. ( I keep calling it becuase I don't know the sex yet). What if it is bi-racial and doesn't look anything like me or it's family? how will I explain that to it? it sounds bad I know, but I feel like if it doesn't look anything like me it will feel less "mine." do any of you have any advice for handling the future questions of my child? it really will have a village once i get back to the states to love it and help raise it, but it won't have a father. I'm still living alone in a foreign country where I speak very little of the language, so i'm pretty much alone until I go home in may. Is there any way they can tell the race before it's born? not that it matters, but I don't want it to be a complete surprise. I know this sounds crazy, but I'm also worried that those motherly instincts people talk about will never kick in for me. please send any advice you may have.

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[> Subject: Re: keeping but confused

Author:
Lori
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Date Posted: 02/17/08 7:50pm

Hi Elizabeth,
Welcome to the board. There is a way that you can narrow down your search for the possible father. You would need to know the date of your last menstrual cycle and you would need to know the partners that you had within that two to three weeks after your period. If you can do that then you could very well narrow down who the father might be.
I know that you said you live in another country so I'm not sure what they have available as far as paternity testing etc. But, in US most social services will pay for paternity testing in order for the father to pay child support. Then usually after they determine the paternity they make the mother and father pay equal portions for the testing. The testing done by the state is much cheaper than it would be if you went to a outside clinic.
It sounds like you know what you want and you have a very supportive family and that is really a blessing. So many woman feel so alone with a unplanned pregnancy and I know you said you were away from family so I'm sure that is hard but you know that they can't wait for you to come home.
I know that you said you were scared that you might not be attached to your child and I think every woman at some point has that fear. I know I feared when I was pregnant with my second child that I wouldn't love him as much as my first and you know I found out that I had plenty of room in my heart for him too. Some women are told my some people that they may resent this child or something if they have to make sacrifices etc but I find that to be so far from the truth. I'm sure you will be a loving mom, you already are concerned for your child's well being since you are on this board so I know you'll be a loving mom.
If you have any questions or just want to talk or maybe even just vent please feel free to come back to the board as often as you would like. You can also email me any time.

Take Care,
Lori