Author:
Pat
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Date Posted: 06/25/08 11:59am
Hi, Carrie,
This may come as a surprise, but I envy you! I have only seven children. I also had difficulty with my last pregnancy, and as a result, I stopped having children. I wanted more, but felt medically I wasn't up to it.
I support a woman's right to refuse to have an abortion. If this were protected, most women wouldn't get abortions, and most women's right to choose would be protected.
In spite of the claims to the contrary, abortion is dangerous. It could take your life, or render you disabled so you cannot care for your children. I have tons of information on this; many are individual stories of the tragedy of the complications from abortion. For the sake of your family, please don't do it!
It could also wreak havoc on your emotions and your marriage. And part of you doesn't want an abortion and is clear about that. Taken purely objectively, you're not a good candidate for abortion. There is something called Post Abortion (Stress) Syndrome. You could well agonize for years about having one. I ALMOST had one, and I had nightmares for months afterwards. I also know a woman who was dead, cold certain she wanted an abortion. In fact, she never wanted to have children at all. Afterwards, she became suicidal twice. I was never so scared in my life as I was the first time. A friend and I stayed with her all night, talking to her. The bad part was that we were miles away, and if she had wanted to go through with it, we couldn't have stopped her. After several years, she told me, "My abortion ruined my life."
And even if you were certain abortion is what you wanted, it wouldn't safeguard you from possible complications or emotional repercussions. It might also not spare your children, because either they'd sense something is wrong (and it could affect your ability to be a good mother), or they'd know, and either feel survivor guilt, or be afraid that if they didn't measure up, you'd get rid of them, too! And a woman is three times as likely to die a violent death in the year after abortion as a woman who carries to term.
Here is a site run by a pro-choice woman who has had five abortions. It will show you what the emotional repercussions can be. afterabortion.com. And many of the women who seem to be OK afterwards agonize internally but never admit it, sometimes not even to themselves.
When you already have nine children, another one won't usually cost that much. You can breastfeed, and save the cost of formula. You can usually find an organization that will donate diapers, and with that many children, it should be easy for you to get help. That's what they are there for. A new baby doesn't need much in the way of material goods. You probably already have the clothes and furniture. If you don't have a crib, a new baby can sleep in a dresser drawer in your room, or even in your bed, for awhile. You can get help with the material problems by finding a pregnancy center near you. To find one, go here: pregnancycenters.org. They can also provide counseling. Please know that not wanting to be pregnant is common in early pregnancy, and it's partly a hormonal thing. By the time you give birth, you will love your baby and be eager to hold him or her in your arms.
In the meantime, find out all you can about abortion, about the development of your baby, and all the other issues connected with it. Perhaps you are not aware of how violent abortion is for the baby. It's something you need to think about. The more you know, the happier you will be with your decision, whatever it is.
If you feel your life is chaos with so many children, I'll be happy to let you pick my brain. :) Even though we only had seven, our life really went quite smoothly, because everyone helped out, and they should. It's good for them. They knew they were responsible for getting along with each other, and I'm proud to say that now that they are adults, they have so much love for each other that when one is in need, they live together to help cut expenses, even the married ones! I have forgotten how many different arrangements like this they have had. We also did homeschool them, and that helped a lot, but even if you don't do that, there is much you can do to make sure your household runs smoothly.
Good luck with this. You will be in our prayers.
Hugs,
Pat
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