Author:
Heather
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Date Posted: 09/ 2/07 7:03pm
Hi Jess,
Sorry it took me so long to see this post. Is it wrong to still want him there? Of course not. Feelings don't have to carry a whole lot of decision making weight. To me they seem more of a natural by product of life's particular circumstances. I don't think you'd be any more noble or sane person if you were void of any feelings of missing the father of your child and wanting his acceptance.
One of the greatest parts of growing up for me (still a work in progress) is discovering that my feelings didn't have to run my life. Or ruin it for that matter. It's sort of like discovering that they don't have to be the engine on a train, only the cargo - if that makes sense. We can use our will, our acquired wisdom of what is best and right in a situation, along with the wisdom of others to decide what direction to steer things.
If you're anything like me, just knowing that will make the feelings of x,y,z seem less threatening. They just pass like storms.
This is one reason I'm always so thankful for a woman who has the conviction to resist the seeming 'quick out' of abortion. Because the circumstances surrounding a woman that can make an abortion seem like the only escape are always changing, but abortion is permanent. Even the lousiest mate, the worst finances, the most unforgiving parents or employer are always in flux and subject to turning around or otherwise ceasing to be the insurmountable they once appeared.
Do I have any advice for you dear one? Only to know that it's perfectly normal to have the feelings you are. Just don't let them fool you into thinking you must act on them if doing so would ultimately be unwise for you and your little one. It's probably also best to meditate and think about the things that will move you in the healthiest direction rather than dwelling on those feelings too much. You are inexpressibly precious, as is your son, and you should regard yourself as one hand fashioned and valuable to the One who made you. Pray for wisdom from God, and He will freely grant it.
As for your son's father accepting him - I know I can't suggest anything you don't already know; that you can't arm twist any emotion out of anyone (I can't say I haven't tried myself - always fruitless!) It would be wonderful if God gave him a sober heart, with wisdom to contemplate and understand things rightly. But that's between him and God. You'll simply have to accept whatever it is that's put in front of you and be responsible for yourself.
I will be in prayer for you and your son. I have a lot of respect for you as well as empathy. Please feel free to write any time.
With Kindness,
Heather
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