| Subject: Re: just found out i'm pregnant don't know what to do |
Author:
Pat
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Date Posted: 02/ 5/07 7:09pm
In reply to:
monica
's message, "just found out i'm pregnant don't know what to do" on 02/ 5/07 12:27pm
Hi, Monica,
I'm very glad you came!
Let me tell you a little about the financial issues we faced. We did pretty well until all of our children had been born. But at that point, our finances took a nosedive. We had multiple periods of time with no income at all. The longest was 9 months, and the second was 8 months. Altogether, they added up to years. But we managed. We never had to go on welfare. Family members helped us some, and we had other resources we did use, and used up, and then we borrowed money. But at no time did I ever think, these children are complicating our lives. I love them dearly, and I am thankful for each and every one! By the way, two of them were adopted. Our children never went hungry, and never lacked clothes to wear (although we came to relish going to the second hand clothing store: the selection is much better. And we always had a place to live. I think if we could face that kind of thing with seven, you are strong enough to face it with one! Seriously.
Another thing: we moved late in my pregnancy with one of our children. The move was 2000 miles, and it was very draining. But I would never have dreamed of getting rid of her for that reason. She is priceless to me! And I recovered!
Now about your specific problems. We have been small business people practically our entire marriage, of 41 years. I know what it's like to launch a new business. We did it several times. Yes, it leads to uncertainty. And we aren't exactly well trained in dealing with uncertainty. I sense that uncertainty is what is bothering you the most. But in reality, LIFE is FULL of uncertainties, and the quicker we learn to roll with the punches, the better. You will grow emotionally and in personal resources through this experience, and when the next challenge comes along, it will be easier to face. Run away from your challenges, and you will become weaker. There is also the probability that you will resent EACH OTHER if you have an abortion. It could destroy your relationship. It often does; most relationships don't survive an abortion.
It is normal to be ambivalent about pregnancy during the first trimester. It's a hormone thing. It is RARE for a woman not to eagerly await the birth of her baby toward the end of pregnancy. If for some reason you just can't handle it, you can choose adoption. It is a good choice. Our younger daughter also adopted a baby, and he's doing great! Nowadays, you can keep in touch and know how your baby is doing.
There is help with whatever you need out there. To find a volunteer agency in your area which will help you with practical problems, go here:
www.pregnancycenters.org/
Babies aren't extremely expensive. Birthing costs can be high. Since you are a nurse, chances are, these will be covered by whatever health plan your employer has. If not, you can get free or inexpensive medical care from volunteers, and you can get help with other expenses. You can consider a homebirth. Midwives don't cost as much. Consider having a doula if you think that will be helpful. A doula may also be able to help you with costs; you can ask. But once the baby is born, costs can be minimal. You don't need fancy equipment. The baby won't care. The baby only needs your love and nurturing. You can put him or her in a dresser drawer to begin with if need be. You can get a used crib from a crisis pregnancy agency. You can breastfeed, which is VERY inexpensive. There are free diapers available in many communities; diapers are usually the only major expense. You can get free clothing from crisis pregnancy agencies, and other equipment, too.
I agree with Melanie. Look at your ultrasound. You and your baby bonded hormonally right after fertilization, but most women are not consciously aware of this. Looking at the ultrasound will make you aware of the bond. Because of the bond, if you disrupt your pregnancy, you WILL react. And abortion isn't medically safe, either. You may be aware of women who have come into the emergency room with serious complications. Or you may not. But the number of women being butchered is horrendous. Please don't be one of those women!
You are a lot stronger than you think. You CAN do it. Don't make that mistake you sense will haunt you the rest of your life. Your baby is depending on you for your protection. Please protect your baby!
Hugs,
Pat
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