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Subject: Re: Need advice! Author: Shellie [ Next Thread | Previous Thread | Next Message | Previous Message ] Date Posted: 06/ 8/07 6:22pm In reply to: Jennifer 's message, "Need advice!" on 06/ 8/07 8:55am Jennifer, I'm really sorry your boyfriend is trying to make you chose between him and your child. I'm sure you're very hurt by this. Your post made it clear that you do not want to abort. So I hope you listen to yourself! Don't let your boyfriend guilt you into going against your desire. If you were to abort to please him, chances are good that the resentment you'd hold for him would eventually end the relationship, anyway. There is some chance that your boyfriend will change his tune later. But then again, he may not. If keeping your baby is what you want, then go for it! Having a relationship, or not, with the father is secondary. You can have your child without him. Obviously, the best situation is to have a child with 2 parents. But good, strong families have been created, even if they started off in a single parent home. There are men out there who will love you AND your child. It'd be nice if your boyfriend were that person. But I just want you to know that even if he chooses to not know his child, you do not have to make that choice! You CAN know your little one!! I'm so happy to hear that your family is being supportive. That's great! Lean on them for strength. You will discover that you're much stronger than you realized. Just wait till you fall in love with this child (sounds like that's already happening)! You'll do anything for this child. No obstacle will be too big. Please post here as often as you like. Talking and releasing your feelings can be helpful. God bless, Shellie [ Next Thread | Previous Thread | Next Message | Previous Message ]

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[> Subject: Re: Need advice! Author: Pat [ Edit | View ] Date Posted: 06/ 8/07 7:05pm Jennifer, Your heart is sending you a message. Please listen to your heart. You will have to live with your decision. No one else will. Your boyfriend is trying to coerce you. In our experience, a relationship is more likely to break up (by far) if the mother has an abortion. He has shown you he can't be depended on. He had a duty to protect and cherish you, and all he wants to do is coerce you to let someone do grave harm to your body and your spirit. Abortion is dangerous, and it can cause serious trauma and alienation from yourself and others. It isn't worth it. It sounds like you can count on your family for support. So you are not totally alone, and you should think long and hard because abortion is forever. You can't take it back. So many women agonize, and wish they could. I met a woman several years ago who said she never wanted to be a mother. She was already in her second trimester. I tried to talk her out of having an abortion, but she went ahead with it. She became suicidal several times afterward, and she just about scared the heck out of me! I stayed up all night one night, together with another woman, talking to her so she would not take her own life. Interestingly, she once asked, "I have been a mother. Can anyone take that away from me?" We assured her that they couldn't. We kept in touch. She was never able to put her life back together, though she is doing better now. But she had hoped to marry the father, and that won't happen. About a year ago, she wrote me and said, "There is a woman at work who thinks she's pregnant and she said if she is, she will have an abortion. PLEASE talk her out of it! My abortion ruined my life!" So there you have it. Someone who never wanted to be a mother says her abortion was a huge mistake. You already are a mother. The question is not whether you will be one, but whether you will be the mother of a live baby or a dead one. If you can't face motherhood, you can choose adoption. If you tell me that you could never give up a baby, that tells me that you are looking for a permanent solution to a temporary problem, because you know you will come to love this baby. Don't worry about letting people down. Make a decision you can live with. People are there who are willing to help and support you, and we will be here for you. Hugs, Pat