Author:
Pat
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Date Posted: 08/26/06 2:41am
Hi, Pixey,
I am so sorry!
First of all, I'll tell you that if you are old enough to get pregnant, you have the body of a woman, so I will address you as one. :)
What your boyfriend did is probably also illegal. He probably hopes you'll let him take you for an abortion so he doesn't get into trouble. If you decide you don't want an abortion, it may get ugly. Be prepared for this. I agree with Shellie. This is someone who has taken advantage of you. It was OK as long as he could just have sex with you, but the real serious commitment a woman needs just wasn't there. If it were, he wouldn't want you to have an abortion. It can be a real shock to discover we have been used. But this sounds like such a case. He's almost old enough to be your father. Why would he want to have sex with you? Think about it. He wanted access to your body. A lot of times, older guys know exactly what to say to get a woman to consent to sex. In fact, a lot of them have already lured several women into bed, so they have had practice in handing a woman a line. Sex is a bonding experience, so on top of being attracted to him in the first place, you now have feelings because of this as well. This is going to make it rough, most likely. But except for a very rare occasion, an older man isn't seeing a woman of your age as a companion. He's seeing you as a beautiful and alluring body. Men are very visual. The sight of a beautiful woman turns them on. So it is very, very unlikely he really has any deep feelings for you. You're just a roll in the hay.
I could be wrong, but I don't think he would have brought up abortion if he really and truly cares about you. He doesn't have a right to ask or expect you to undergo the medical risk (which is not trivial) or the emotional turmoil of an abortion.
If he DOES get ugly with you, don't associate with him. Talk to someone you trust (I hope your parents can serve in that role, but if not, and even if you can, I recommend you talk to someone at a crisis pregnancy agency.) If he isn't dealt with, he'll just turn around and do it to another unsuspecting young and beautiful woman. He needs to be stopped.
I do not recommend an abortion. It will do grave damage to your body. Because of your youth and the fact you have no other children, you will be at high risk for breast cancer somewhere between your 20's and your 40's. If you have a family history of breast cancer, it's a virtual certainty. They won't tell you about this if you go to have an abortion, nor will they deal with the illegal act of your boyfriend; they'll just cover it up, though they are required by law to report it. An abortion can cause you to lose your ability to have a baby in the future or even kill you. It can also cause you to have a premature baby, and if the baby is very premature, there is a risk that that baby could have cerebral palsy or other brain damage. And it can cause you to develop conditions that will threaten your life, such as tubal pregnancy. It can cause you to develop a massive infection, which is life-threatening. It can also cause you to need a hysterectomy to save your life. Even if you were to get an abortion without your parents' knowledge, they could find out if you have a medical complication, and then they will be asked to pay for the costs.
Abortion can also have a huge impact on you emotionally. I think you sense what you are pregnant with. Most women in their teens are pretty aware of this. The repercussions of this can be devastating. Many women turn to drink or drugs, or become promiscuous, or take chances with their lives. You would be several times as likely to die a violent death in the next year, as you would be if you carry this baby. The fact is that the process of pregnancy itself causes a bonding. You have been exchanging hormonal messages with your baby since conception. Also, stem cells from your baby have entered your blood stream, and they have now taken up residence in your brain. You are bonded to your baby on an unconscious level. This is a major reason why abortion is so traumatic. A few women simply lose their capacity for emotion.
For your own sake, please do not consider abortion.
Here is a link where you can get counseling and help:
www.pregnancycenters.org
They offer online counseling, lists of local centers where you can get counseling, and other types of help. Local centers can help you with expenses; they will often provide free care and will help you with the cost of a hospital if you choose a hospital birth. They can help you to make decisions about your future, and help smooth the way so that you will have a bright future.
They can also help you tell your parents. Your parents may be upset at first. Most parents are, and they have a right to be. But most parents also think it through and become very supportive.
We will be here any time you need to talk, and we will help you find resources.
Your baby is depending on you for your protection. Please protect your baby.
Once you get close to birth, you can have plans about what you will do, if you will raise this child, or place him or her for adoption. Either way is acceptable, and if you were to choose adoption, you can choose the parents and keep in touch if you want to.
I knew a woman who became pregnant when she was about your age. She was walking in the neighborhood, and a gang raped her. She hid her pregnancy from her parents for seven months (being chubby, that wasn't hard). She didn't want an abortion. After the baby was born, she and her parents cared for him together until she was old enough to care for him herself. Now she is happily married. If she can do it, so can you.
We will pray for you.
Hugs,
Pat
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