Re: The Great Debate -- Unplanned Pregnancy Advice Board

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Subject: Re: The Great Debate

Author:
luka

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Date Posted: 09/ 4/06 3:01am
In reply to: Shellie 's message, "Re: The Great Debate" on 09/ 1/06 11:03am

I've been thinking about the idea of abortion being illegal today and i think it sounds pretty reasonable...It's far more hopeful a situation than abortion. Because there is a new innocent beautiful baby comming into the world. There can be hope, there is a positive outcome and i don't know of many women who don't feel love for their children..But with abortions there is just destruction and emptiness.
I believe that the opinions of those who are pro choice and alot of men regarding whether the baby is a baby, a life, a human being stems from the fact that untill it actually looks like a human being it's easier to pretend or in some cases to believe that it's not capable of feeling and is only a 'potential baby'. I realise that this is wrong but i just know thats how some people think..It's flawed logic as you know to say that well it's nerves ect aren't formed yet at say 6 weeks from the last period. But it's like saying well if i can kill my child in a way that she won't feel it then thats ok..which of course it is not.. You wouldn't painlessly kill a 6 year old and feel right about it would you? I think some women are foooled into believing abortion puts thigns back to normal and that they aren't losing anything by having their babies surgically removed/killed because when youre only newly pregnant everything is happening on the inside your life/heart isn't as affected as it will be when the baby is born you can't see it you can't feel it..And in some cases it's like an idea in your mind and if your mind is troubled by angry parents, threatening boyfriends finiancial concerns ect it's easy for women to dream up the idea that it is bad. What i mean to say is that an early embryo isn't as tangible as a 6 month old fetus or full term deliverd baby to a woman. So it makes it easier for her to pretend it's nothing to go and have it removed. Of course alot of us know from experience that even when youve fooled yourself into thinking that it's ok or whatever every body knows deep down what is truely right and wrong. It's only after youve gone and had an abortion that the reality sinks in, that horrible feeling inside comes creeping in. I have had abortions and i coped with my regret and tourment by just trying to block it out. It seems like the only way to get past it..And i know i'm not past it really..I'll never be past it..thats the futility of the death of another precious human being & the futility of abortion. You can talk it out or whatever but nothing ever makes it right and you never feel good about it. You never stop wishing you didn't do it wonderig if they were boys or girls ect..It's a heavy burden on your conscience, it's mind clutter allways there taking up space in what should be a clear head for thinking things through..I carry the guilt and i know i did it out of ignorance or fear or whatever but thats not a consolation. Life goes on you carry on. But it's not resolvable you just walk around with these self inflicted scars forever.
Currently in my unplanned pregnancy..I am scared still feeling pretty hopeless with regard to my personal life. I feel that i should concentrate on my children and i do and i have. But i still feel sad for what i've never known. True love of a man. I never even had it from my own father. I'm starting to wonder if it's all a myth.
I miss my childhood innnocence that was so fleeting. I miss feeling unencumbered by loss and heartache. The catch 22 situations..Yes i have beautiful children and i have no doubt at all that this baby will also be so exquistely angelic. But i am alone and have no one to share this with. I feel like everything is on me and i feel so responsible for everything , even things that i know logically are not my fault..I feel bad about them still...It's a heavy feeling. I cry some nights knowing that my tears are only for myself and that nobody worries about me or looks out for me, it's just me. Maybe thats reality anyway and i should be glad to know it. Be glad i'm not deluded. I used to be so optimistic about life , about people. Now i just feel like i was only ever foolish. It just gets harder for me as i get older i think, to be open enough to other people in order to invite good things into my life. I just feel so aprehensive these days.

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[> [> [> Subject: Re: The Great Debate

Author:
Sharon
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Date Posted: 09/ 4/06 2:07pm

Oh, Luka... My heart breaks for you. I wish I could take some of your grief onto myself to help lighten your load even just a little bit.

You know, the post-abortive women I know who have truly found JOY again in their lives ALL - without exception -have one thing in common: They have a personal relationship with Jesus and have accepted His healing grace and unconditional love. They've fully accepted that He has born ALL of the bad or wrong things they EVER did on the cross and that HE has most certainly forgiven them and does not want them to continue to suffer. They know, deep in their hearts, that HE wants for them to be healed. An interesting thing, too, is that they ALL also feel called, as you seem to, to share their personal stories with others in hopes of preventing other women from losing their children to abortion and having to live with the pain and regret. I know of one in particular, Barb Frick (an eloquent speaker and awesome woman who became pregnant the first time she ever had sex, had an abortion, and has never been able to conceive children since) who believes that the child she aborted (she feels she knows it was a little girl and so she has named her "Johanna") is in Heaven. She is certain that someday they will be reunited.

So, I don't know what your feelings are about religion, and I sincerely hope I haven't offended you, but I felt I wanted to share this with you since it springs from my own personal experience of knowing women who are post-abortive.

I will pray that you find healing and that you reach a place where you are able to experience true and lasting joy. I also pray that you one day find a man worthy of your trust and love - a many who can love you and your precious children as a man should. You are such an incredible person. I love reading your posts. You offer such deep insights in your responses to people. Your messages reflect a very sensitive soul. I suspect that sensitivity is partly to "blame" for your feeling the loss of your first little ones so acutely. But, that sensitivity has it's up-side: It means that you should also be able to feel blessings just as acutely ;-)

God bless you, Luka.

Sharon