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Subject: Re: unplanned

Beth, (relieved and sad)
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Date Posted: 01/ 5/10 2:28pm
In reply to: Lori 's message, "Re: unplanned" on 01/ 2/10 12:21pm

I am not really sure how these message boards work so I am just posting a reply to this message to update my situation and maybe everyone will be able to read it. I was still debating whether or not to have the abortion. I went to counseling yesterday and was weighing my options and thinking of baby names and couldnt sleep because everytime i closed my eyes, i just kept thinking of names. I came up with Hannah Elizabeth for a girl and Robert Matthew for a boy. I went to work and was preparing to tell my fiance this morning at work (he works with me but in another department). well anyway, I couldnt get up the courage to tell him at work that I didnt want to go through with the procedure. I decided that I would tell him of my change of plans of not to have the abortion, I didnt have any other plans on how I was going to make this work. I ended up miscarrying at work. I spotted after lifted someone heavy and had an awful pain in my stomach. I had already been off work for 10 days so I took ibuprofen and ignored the pain. This morning at my appointment, I told them about the icident at work and they did an ultrasound and vaginal exam and determined (no heartbeart is what I heard the dr. say to the nurse.) The baby was still in utero but hadnt passed from my body. They had to do a D & C ( I think that is what he said) to what he called ( clean me out) He said it was nothing major and that I shouldnt worry. They perfomed the procedure the same way they said the abortion would be performed. I had a shot of demerol and phenergren then a couple of shots to deaden the cervix. And dialaters were placed in my cervix to dialate big enough to do the procedure. As if the shots didnt hurt enough, each dialator he placed in my cervix ( I counted 4) hurt worse with each one. If noone on here has ever experienced the pain...it is out of this world. I remember screaming and crying and I couldnt catch my breath. I started to hypervenilate from the pain that I was experiencing. I remember telling the dr. to please quit...just please stop, are we almost done...i cant take it anymore. I remember being very drunk after the procedure and had to have help getting dressed and was led to a recliner where i slept in between the horrible cramps i was experiencing. After what seemed like half a day (only 30 mins in fact) of having routine blood pressure checks and monitors of my well being. I was told to go into the bathroom and place my pad on the counter on some paper towels and replace it with a new one. I thought i hadnt heard her right b/c i was always taught to wrap and place pad in trash and my pad was just supposed to be on the counter for everyone to see?? I did as she said (she said she had to look at the amount of blood that was coming out to make sure i wasnt hemorraghing). I just said to myself...whatever, I am so ready to just go home. I am sharing this very very personal experience with everyone to help someone maybe. I debated about abortion, made an abortion decision, changed my mind and then lost the baby anyway and still had to go through the same type of procedure. I dont know how I can ever deal with this. Only God can help me..no counselers, drs. or friends. It was the worst pain that I have ever experienced in all my 27 yrs. and i pray that anyone faced with this decision chooses life. I pray that noone ever has to go through the mental, and physical pain of what I experienced today. Thank everyone for your prayers and I thank you for what you are doing. God bless each and everyone of you and your families. Life is a very precious thing and once it is taken away...you cant get it back.

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[> [> [> [> [> Subject: Re: unplanned

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Date Posted: 01/ 5/10 7:30pm

Hi, Beth,

I am so sorry for how things turned out for you. I will pray that God will comfort you. Please know that your baby is in heaven, and is happy. The hardest part is missing your loved one. Make sure to be very close to God so that you can join your baby someday. I have a baby in heaven, too.

From what you're describing, the doctor was unnecessarily cruel. I am also very sorry about that. He shouldn't have forced open the cervix like that, but should have waited because it would soften of its own accord. Whenever you have another pregnancy, be sure and tell the doctor about this so that he can safeguard your future baby. He can fasten your cervix shut if necessary.

We will very much welcome you staying, and we will talk to you and comfort you whenever we can. I realize that it will be difficult for you to accept our words of comfort, but please know we do care and we love you very much. That's why we are here. You are very, very welcome. Do whatever you need to do. You can also go to a pregnancy agency that works with women who have experienced untimely pregnancy, and they can help you with counseling. Emotional and spiritual healing is possible. Please know that God loves you very much.


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[> [> [> [> [> [> Subject: Re: unplanned

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Date Posted: 01/ 6/10 8:13am


My deepest sympathy goes out to you for this turn of events. I read Pat's post and echo her thoughts.

Also, I hope you're able to carve out some space to take good care of yourself. Get as much rest as you can and take some good vitamins/high iron to make up for the blood loss. God holds all things, and does work them for good - even when we finite creatures can see the master plan's value in the up close at times.

I was touched by the last few sentences of your post. May God guard this softness in you and use it to bless others.

With Kindness,


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[> [> [> [> [> Subject: Re: unplanned

Melanie (I'm sorry)
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Date Posted: 01/20/10 1:27pm

Dear Beth,

I am sorry it took me so long to get on here and tell you how sorry I am for your loss. I really just had no words.

I hope you are doing okay. Please feel free to contact me via e-mail anytime if you want.


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