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Date Posted: 22:33:56 03/28/02 Thu
Author: The Cookie Factory
Subject: WE OWNZOR JOO!!

Shiiit we just checked out joo website and we think BATD SUXXORZ!! Our band, The Cookie Factory, OwNzOR JoO in so many ways all while munchin on our delicious fresh baked cookies. OORAH! Know this, from this day forth we, the Cookie Factory, have declared war on your asses. Each member of our kick ass band has a few choice words for jOO fools:

Cookie Monster (Lead Vocals)
It amuses me that you are releasing a christmas album. Believe me when I say, no one does Christmas albums like The Cookie Factory. Competing against us is paramount to ritual suicide so I kindly suggest you take your pitiful startup band and tuck tail and run back to the gutter from whence you came. I liken your horridly droll math-derived music to the filthy side of my used toilet paper! Har Har! Good day.

Sgt. Kookies and Kream (Rhythm Guitar)
I know some of you filthy maggots are still listening to BATD and I got news for you! Every goddam one of you is a filthy twinkle-toed maggot for listening to that shit. Last month I went on an amphetamine binge and passed out in my own urine and shit for a week before Cookie Monster found me. In the time I was passed out I saw something. I SAW JESUS AND HE WAS LISTENING TO THE COOKIE FACTORY CHRISTMAS ALBUM. HOLY HELL, I love Cookie Monster!! I wanna bend over and squeeze out his babies and spread for more because he's a GOD DAMN AMERICAN HERO. He can crack a commie's skull by planting a high jacket round through the core of the left eyeball and celebrate with a warm glass of his blood. OOH-RAH! I CANT HEAR YOU. OOH-RAH GOD DAMMIT. I Love Cookie Factory. Cookie Factory songs are the most goddam exciting piece of America since Marilyn Monroe rolled naked on a Marine Corps Banner, and if that don't raise your flagpoles on an early morning then I WILL KICK YOUR PANSY ASS SO HARD YOU WILL BEAR MY FOOT'S CHILDREN!!

Fig Newton (Lead Guitar)
I W177 RoXxoRZ JoO n00b! M3 = L337 J0o = N00b.
JOO SuxXoRZ!

DJ OreO (Turntables)
Sup Beeeyotch! Yall be releasin a christmas album? See the thing is, if youz about to be up out dis shit, youz bout to catch 4 slugs to da dome beeyotch. Nigga I will keel you and yo bitch ass crew. Cookie Factory be bringing da freshest, illest rhymes youz ever heard yo. Shiit you think youz on my level? Get rizzeal foo, I'm the baddest, most talented mother fucka ever to grace da turntables. Shit I scratch mo' than a prostitute with crabs beeyotch. Let me axe you something. Is you sippin on henessey wit a R&B bitch on yo jock? I mo' platinum in my teef than youll see in yo whole lifetimes. Shit when I smile I blind a nigga I gatz so many karats in the ring I'm half man, half rabbit! Do you know how many millions you messin wit? Do you know how many diamonds my wrist can fit? Shiit I spend yo whole life in a day. Bank on dat negro!

Snickerdoodle (Drums)
..................................

Uncle Bob the Molestor
How much for your little girls?



Sincerely,
The Cookie Factory

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