VoyForums
[ Show ]
Support VoyForums
[ Shrink ]
VoyForums Announcement: Programming and providing support for this service has been a labor of love since 1997. We are one of the few services online who values our users' privacy, and have never sold your information. We have even fought hard to defend your privacy in legal cases; however, we've done it with almost no financial support -- paying out of pocket to continue providing the service. Due to the issues imposed on us by advertisers, we also stopped hosting most ads on the forums many years ago. We hope you appreciate our efforts.

Show your support by donating any amount. (Note: We are still technically a for-profit company, so your contribution is not tax-deductible.) PayPal Acct: Feedback:

Donate to VoyForums (PayPal):

[ Login ] [ Contact Forum Admin ] [ Main index ] [ Post a new message ] [ Search | Check update time | Archives: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, [6], 7, 8, 9 ]

[ Next Thread | Previous Thread | Next Message | Previous Message ]

Date Posted: 18:52:48 06/13/05 Mon
Author: TracyJean
Subject: DOALS I - Hands To Heaven 8/10
In reply to: TracyJean 's message, "Drifting On A Lonely Sea Chapter I - Hands To Heaven" on 18:19:27 06/06/05 Mon

<i>31 DECEMBER 1998
THE ROBERTS’ RESIDENCE

“It was nice of Bud and Harriet to invite me,” Chloe said, sitting on the sofa in the Roberts’ living room, talking to Mac. Various members of the JAG staff were milling around the apartment, as well as Bud’s brother Mikey. She saw Harm off in a corner, talking to a red-headed woman and a black man – fellow JAG attorneys, she recalled. At least that shrink wasn’t here – she’d noticed that the doctor had seemed quite taken with Harm when they’d met at JAG, but what kind of doctor was dumb enough to guzzle down cough medicine then get behind the wheel of a car? Not exactly Harm’s kind of woman, she thought confidently, although she barely knew Harm, except what Mac had told her. Then again, to her eleven-year-old mind, there was only one woman right for Harm and she was sitting next to Chloe.

“Bud and Harriet are great people,” Mac replied. She gave her sister a stern glance. “And it was very nice of them, especially after the way you acted when you first met them.”

Chloe laughed, knowing that Mac wasn’t really scolding her. They’d already hashed everything out about her smart remarks, except for the comments about Harm and her fantasies. Chloe had tried to bring up the topic, which Mac had refused to touch it with a ten-foot pole. “So when’s Harriet going to have her baby?” Chloe asked, deciding to change the subject. They might have already resolved the issue of Chloe’s attitude, but the girl was wise enough to know that it was probably best not to get into that again.

“May,” she replied, a soft smile on her face. Chloe tried to imagine what a child of Mac’s would be like. She knew already that she’d make a great mother – she managed to put up with her, after all. And with Harm as the father …. She drew her attention back to what Mac was saying. “They asked me a couple of weeks ago to be his or her godmother.”

“Cool,” Chloe exclaimed as Harm joined them, sitting down on Chloe’s other side. She suddenly wished she could switch places so that he was sitting next to Mac, but couldn’t think of a way of doing it without being completely obvious. Sure, obvious worked sometimes, but with Harm and Mac, she sensed that subtlety might work better in most cases, since obvious hadn't done much at the office. She’d save the obvious approach for those situations that called for drastic measures, like – well, she couldn’t think of one at the moment. She turned to Harm and smiled. “Mac was just telling me that she’s going to be godmother to Bud and Harriet’s baby.”

“I’d heard a rumor to that effect,” Harm commented with a grin. “So, Mac, have you been busy thinking of ways to spoil *our* godchild?” Chloe’s smile grew wider upon hearing that news. Harm and Mac as godparents together could only be a good thing. Maybe they’d get so much into being godparents that they’d figure they should have a child of their own to love and to shower affection on. If the JAG crew hadn’t managed to find her real father, Chloe couldn’t imagine anything better than being raised by Harm and Mac.

“Right now, I’m planning on showing my godchild how to appreciate the good things in life,” she teased, grinning back at Harm. “Like the virtues of the Marine Corps over the Navy or a well prepared Beltway Burger.”

“I don’t think so,” Harm shot back. “No burgers for my godchild and you’re forgetting that both of his parents are Navy.”

“So what do you imagine doing with him or her?” Mac asked. As Chloe had watched them banter back and forth, she became more convinced than ever that if there were ever two people made for each other, it was these two.

“As soon as he’s old enough, I’ll teach him how to fly,” he replied. “Maybe Bud and Harriet will have a future naval aviator on their hands.”

“He?” Mac mused. “What if he turns out to be a girl? Are you going to teach her how to fly, too?”

Harm had looked shocked at the idea for a split second – which Mac caught, of course, evidenced by her laugh at his expression – before replying smoothly, “Of course, I would teach my goddaughter how to fly. Girls can fly. You haven’t done half bad when I’ve taken you up in ‘Sarah’.”

Chloe listened in amused silence when Mac countered, “Just make sure you leave the nut cases behind when you take up my godchild.” Harm and Mac both laughed, Chloe joining in almost as an afterthought because it seemed to be the thing to do, while she filed away what she’d learned for future reference. ‘Sarah’, she assumed, was a plane that Harm owned and she thought it telling that it had the same name as her sister ….</i>

~*~*~*~

That was the moment the photographer – Harriet, as Chloe recalled – had captured, the three of them laughing together. Mac had later made copies of the pictures from the party that Chloe had been in and had sent them to her. This particular one was now in a frame on Chloe’s dresser back home. Looking at that photo gave her hope during darker times when she wondered what could possibly be going on in their minds that they’d waste so much time with other people when they could have been with each other. Jordan had eventually gone, while Mac had remained by herself for the longest time, maybe because Harm had been seeing someone else, or so Chloe had hoped. But then Mac had suddenly announced one day that Mic had asked her to marry him and that she was considering it, while Harm had gotten involved with someone Mac had referred to as the ‘Video Princess’. Maybe she should have tried to be more obvious about them all along. Better yet, maybe she should have knocked them both over the head with a sledgehammer two years earlier.

She laughed at the thought, glancing up when she heard a sound that appeared to come from just inside the door of Mac’s bedroom. She glanced at the album in her hands and considered for a brief moment putting it back where she’d gotten it from before Mac saw her with it, but then decided against it. Now, less than two days before Mac was scheduled to walk down the aisle with a man other than Harm, was definitely not the time to be subtle. She almost wished for that sledgehammer right now.

Mac came out of the bedroom, dressed in jeans and a red t-shirt, sighing when she saw the album in Chloe’s hands. Really, she was far from surprised. Chloe was very curious, sometimes too curious for her own good. Chloe carefully guarded her expression, managing to convey the impression that this particular album of photos was no different than any other Mac might have lying around her home. “So, did you have any ideas about this afternoon?” Chloe asked as Mac sat down next to her, glancing at the album, still open to the picture taken at the Roberts’ apartment. “I was thinking maybe we could go to the zoo. I’d love to see the new pandas.”

“It’s an idea,” Mac said. She still hadn’t given the topic much thought, trying unsuccessfully not to think about much of anything while she’d gotten dressed. Of course, it was hard not to think when confronted with the presence of the gold wings sitting on her nightstand. She’d almost put them away in a drawer so she wouldn’t have to look at them, but hadn’t been able to bring herself to do it, no more than she'd been able to put her engagement ring back on. Both were visible reminders of the weight of the decision she had to make, as if she hadn't already been aware of just how much was riding on her decision. “I just went last week on AJ’s birthday and the pandas are something. Anyway, you like animals, so the zoo’s a great idea.”

“Well, I’m ready whenever you are,” Chloe said enthusiastically, perhaps a little too much so for Mac’s current mood. But maybe Chloe’s youthful exuberance was just what she needed to get her mind off of things, as long as the topic stayed away from Harm or her upcoming nuptials.

Mac glanced towards the window and noticed the cloudy skies. “Maybe we should take an umbrella,” she suggested, “just in case. It looks like it might rain.” She went to retrieve the umbrella and a jacket, stopping when they heard a knock at the door. Maybe it was Harriet, she thought, thinking she needed some company to keep her from going crazy in the hours before …. Anyway, if it was Harriet, then she could always invite her and AJ to accompany them to the zoo. Like most little kids, AJ loved seeing all the ‘amimals’. She turned and headed for the door, her hand freezing on the knob when she saw through the peephole who was on the other side, while Chloe resisted the urge to swear, imagining their fun afternoon going up in smoke. She knew, from the way Mac was holding herself, who was on the other side.

Yet again, Mac took a deep breath as she opened the door, working even harder than she had with Chloe to keep her expression neutral and free of the tormented situation plaguing her thoughts. “Hi, Mic,” she said, hoping her voice didn’t betray her nervousness.

“Hello, luv,” he said, pulling her into his arms as he walked into the apartment. Mac had to force herself not to react negatively as she was faced with the moment she’d been dreading – facing Mic for the first time after she’d spent the night in another man’s arms and bed. She made herself return his kiss, trying not to think about the difference between this one and all the kisses she and Harm had exchanged just hours ago, trying to dispel the feeling that he was branding her in some way, declaring for any who might see that ‘She is mine’. She tried to tell herself that the only reason she wasn't responding to Mic's kiss was the turmoil in her heart. She broke it off as quickly as she could without it appearing that she was pushing him away, tilting her head in Chloe’s direction. Mic glanced in that direction, as if noticing Chloe for the first time. “Hello, Chloe.”

“Hello, Mic,” she replied, trying to force the disgusting, at least to her, display from her mind. Unlike Mac, she had no doubts that Mic was being at least mildly possessive. Maybe someone should teach him a little about showing decorum in front of other people, she thought darkly.

“Why don’t you get changed, Sarah?” Mic suggested. “I thought, with all the wedding preparations going on, that you might not have had lunch yet, so I made reservations for us at Le Tours for a late lunch.”

Mac noticed the angry look on Chloe’s face and jumped in before she could say something smart to Mic. “Actually, Chloe and I had made plans for this afternoon,” she said calmly, disturbed that Mic just assumed that she would drop everything to have lunch with him. “I don’t get to see her that much now that she’s living in Vermont with her grandparents and today’s really going to be our only opportunity to spend any time together, with the rehearsal tomorrow and …. everything.”

Mic considered for a moment. He really wanted to spend some time alone with his fiancée. It seemed that between Jordan’s murder investigation, that sexual harassment case she’d defended and her preparations for her lecture on the Somers mutiny at the Academy, he’d hardly gotten to spend any time with her the past few weeks. Plus, he was a little upset that he hadn’t been able to reach her last night. But, as he’d told Renee at the engagement party, he was soon going to have her to himself for the rest of their lives. He could afford to share her now. He whipped out his cell phone and started dialing. “I can change our reservation to the three of us,” he conceded. “I’d love the opportunity to get to know my future sister-in-law better.”

Chloe took advantage of Mic’s distraction with his phone call to shoot Mac a pleading look. The last thing she wanted was to spend the rest of the afternoon watching Mic fawn over her sister. And Le Tours sounded very fancy and French, hardly her type of restaurant at all. Mac shook her head, forestalling any argument, while Chloe wondered why Mac was letting Mic dictate to her like that. She turned back around as Mic hung up his phone. “No worries,” he told them, smiling smugly. “They didn’t have a problem changing the reservation. So why don’t you get ready so we can get going?”

“I don’t have anything to wear,” Chloe complained, gesturing to her jeans and sweater. “My clothes are back at the hotel and I only brought one dress with me, to wear at the dinner tomorrow night. I didn’t need any more than that, since Mac has my flower girl’s dress.” It wasn’t quite true – she’d brought a dress to wear when she would go to church Sunday morning with her father, but Mic didn’t need to know that.

“Just wear that dress,” Mic suggested. “Where’s your hotel? We can stop by on our way to the restaurant.”

Chloe was about to protest when Mac sent her another look, this one an odd cross between ‘Don’t even think about arguing any more’ and ‘Please do this for me’. She began to reconsider, wondering if there was a way to turn this situation to her advantage, sensing that Mac was as enthused about this lunch as she was. Finally, she nodded.

"Sarah, where's your ring?" Mic asked as she turned to head into the bedroom.

Shaken, she stopped, staring at her hand as if she'd just realized that it wasn't there. "Oh, I took a bath earlier," she said, willing her voice to remain calm and convincing. "I just haven't put it back on yet."

Mic seemed satisfied with her explanation, while Chloe just stared at the two of them. She hadn't even noticed the missing ring, berating herself for missing such a significant detail. Mac's story had sounded logical, but there had to be more to it than just forgetting to put it back on. When she'd arrived, Mac had been in a robe, but hadn't looked like she'd just come from a bath. She looked like she'd been asleep. If she’d taken a bath, it had been much earlier. A person didn't forget for hours not to put their engagement ring back on. Not if they really loved the person they were engaged to.

Satisfied that she'd managed to cover, Mac went into her bedroom to change, leaving Mic and Chloe alone. Chloe, not really in the mood to make small talk with Mic, went to the bookcase to return the photo album to its proper place, then made a show of studying the dinosaur fossils and bones on the top shelf. “So how’s school?” Mic asked, wanting to break the ice with her, but not really sure how to talk to a fourteen-year-old.

“Out for the summer,” she replied shortly, picking up a fossilized dinosaur track and studying it. She found Mac’s interest in dinosaurs fascinating, although she’d show an interest in anything right now to avoid having to talk to Mic. What was he thinking? What kid wanted to talk about school, especially during summer break?

“Oh,” Mic replied, at a loss for another topic of discussion. What interested teenager girls anyway these days, aside from music and boys? “Do you have a boyfriend?”

“No.”

“Chloe, you know I love your sister,” Mic said, settling on a topic which should be of common interest to the two of them.

“She’s been hurt in the past,” she said, finally turning around to face him, crossing her arms across her chest. “I don’t want to see her get hurt.”

“I’d never hurt Sarah,” he protested, assuming that Chloe’s statement stemmed from a desire to protect her sister and not any negative feelings towards him. “I’m not like …. other men she’s known.”

Chloe wanted to ask what he meant by that or if he’d meant anyone in particular, but stopped herself. She had a feeling she knew what the answer would be. From veiled referenced during conversations with Mac and even Harm, she knew that to say that Harm didn’t like Mic was an understatement and she sensed the feeling was mutual. But it was something she could use to her advantage. She smiled as an idea came to her, Mic assuming that the expression meant she was thawing towards him, but before either of them could say anything else, Mac returned. She’d rushed through changing her clothes and had put on just the bare minimum of makeup. Her ring was now back on her finger, where it had resided for the last five months. The sooner they left, the sooner she could get this over with, she thought, the idea never occurring to her that this wasn’t exactly the kind of thought she should be having about a man she was about to marry. But there was too much weighing on her mind for her to worry about how she should be thinking about and acting towards the man whose ring she wore.

“Then shall we go?” Mic said, holding out his arm Mac. She hesitated for so brief a moment before hooking her arm around his that Chloe almost thought she’d imagined it. Almost.

Oh, God, Mac, Chloe thought as she left the apartment, lagging just a few steps behind Mac and Mic as they headed for the elevator. Why are you torturing yourself like this?

~*~*~*~

ONE HOUR LATER
LE TOURS RESTAURANT

Chloe looked over the menu in her hands, barely concealing her apprehension. She couldn’t find a single dish that sounded familiar or like something she would even think about eating. She would have been more at home chowing down with Mac at Beltway Burgers, not playing dress up in some swanky French restaurant. She leaned over towards Mac, who was intently studying her own menu while taking a breather from Mic’s overly affectionate attentions. “What am I supposed to order off this thing?” she asked in a whisper.

“How about this?” Mac suggested, pointing to an item. “It’s basically steak.”

“The name of the dish doesn’t sound like steak,” she muttered, glancing at Mic over the top of her menu. He’d set his menu back on the table, apparently having already decided what he was getting and reached for Mac’s hand, fiddling with her engagement ring. Mac pulled her hand away to flip the page in her menu and Chloe smiled, lifting her menu a little higher to hide the expression.

“Why don’t I just order for you?” Mac said, hoping to avoid a scene.

Chloe shrugged, definitely not caring. At least she knew she could trust Mac to order something that she wouldn’t mind eating. But there was no way it would match the fast food they would have picked up at the zoo. “I was really looking forward to the zoo,” she whispered.

Mac understood Chloe’s frustration, but there wasn’t much she could do about it. She could at least grant Mic the honor of her presence at his surprise lunch date, especially after …. No, I won’t think about that, she promised herself. She would just have to pretend for a few hours that nothing was wrong, pretend that she wasn't constantly comparing the two men in her life. “Maybe we will have some time tomorrow morning,” she offered in a conciliatory tone, although finding a few hours to while away at the zoo would be near impossible on the day before her wedding. “I was looking forward to it, too.”

Chloe set down her menu, satisfied that Mac knew what to order for her; and after a moment, Mac set hers down as well, an uncomfortable silence settling between the two. If Mic noticed, he appeared unbothered by it. “So, Chloe, when are you flying back home?” Mic asked, trying to draw her out.

“Monday morning,” she replied. Hmmm. Now was the perfect opportunity to have some fun. She paused a beat, then added excitedly, “We were going to fly home Sunday, but Harm got three tickets to the Orioles game Sunday afternoon and invited Dad and me. I think they’re playing the Rangers.”

Mic looked disturbed for a moment at the idea of Chloe spending time with Harm before he managed to cover. She was going to be his bloody sister-in-law. What the hell was she doing spending time with Rabb while she was in town for his wedding to her sister? “The Orioles?” he asked, confusion evident in his tone. He'd see what he could do about the other later.

“You know, baseball,” Chloe said, slightly exasperated. He’s lived in the US for two and a half years and doesn’t know what baseball is, she thought. Amazing.

“Mic doesn’t really follow American sports,” Mac explained, shooting Chloe a look, although Chloe wasn’t sure if she was upset about her tone or the fact that she’d mentioned Harm. Mac seemed to be better about masking her emotions now that Mic was present and seemingly watching her every move. “He’s more into rugby and cricket, although he sometimes watches soccer.”

“I understand your baseball’s a bit like cricket,” he offered. “Maybe if you’re ever in Australia, I can take you sometime.”

“And I heard that matches can last for days,” Chloe countered, ignoring his last suggestion. Why would she ever want to go to Australia, unless …. She shuddered inwardly at the thought that he might someday convince Mac to up and move halfway around the world. Over her dead body, she promised silently, and likely Harm’s as well. The thought mollified her somewhat. “And people think baseball games run long.” She shook her head as she rolled her eyes. Just what were he and Mac supposed to have in common? Mac was just about as true-blue American as they come and this guy didn’t even know what baseball was, not really. And like most foreigners, he probably looked down his nose at football – at least the American variety.

“Harm had mentioned something about the game a few days ago,” Mac said pleasantly to Chloe.

“I’m looking forward to it,” Chloe said, watching Mic’s reaction out of the corner of her eye. “There’s not really any opportunity to attend a major league game up in Vermont. Boston’s a little too far away. That’s one thing I miss about Washington, not being able to go to Baltimore for games. Mac used to take me all the time, not only to Orioles’ games, but also to see the Redskins and Wizards. Harm even took me to a few games before I went to live with my grandparents.” She smiled, remembering a Redskins game she, Harm and Mac had all attended together that first winter she'd known Harm. It had been cold and snowing and the three of them had huddled together in the stands, trying to stay warm.

At Mic’s blank look, she shook herself from her reverie and prompted, “The Washington Redskins is the local football team and the Washington Wizards is the basketball team.”

“Oh,” Mic said, wondering how he could compete with that. He’d never paid much attention to American sports, except to watch the occasional soccer game or when he was someplace like McMurphy's and then the TV tended to be ignored in favor of whatever drink he was nursing or his companion if it was his fiancée, but to his mind, American sports didn't really compare to international sports. Soccer, the closest Americans came to an international sport, wasn't exactly high on the average American's list of favorite sports. He supposed he could learn to show an interest if it meant getting on Chloe’s good side, especially since she seemed to enjoy attending games with Rabb and that definitely didn’t sit well with him. “Maybe you ladies could take me to a game sometime.”

“Maybe,” Chloe replied noncommittally. “Will you excuse me? I need to find the bathroom.”

Mac nodded, pointing towards the other side of the dining room, towards the restrooms. Once Chloe was gone, she steeled herself for Mic’s reaction to the conversation thus far. She didn’t have to wait long.

“Your sister seems to enjoy spending time with Rabb,” he said, trying to remain calm. He knew that he was a sore subject between Mac and himself, but he was willing to be pleasant about the subject. After all, in less than two days, she would be his forever. “And he seems to have taken a great interest in her.”

“Why shouldn’t he?” she asked. “He’s my best friend and he really does like Chloe a lot. She’s fun to be around.”

Mic ignored the last statement now that Chloe wasn't present, choosing to focus on her assertion about Harm. "I thought I was your best friend," he said, almost pouting. That statement definitely did not sit well with him. In his perfect world, Rabb would fade into the woodwork once the wedding ring was on Mac's finger. Rabb's being his wife's best friend didn't enter into the equation, in any way.

Mac looked at him as if he'd suddenly grown two heads. Not realizing that Harm was her best friend was almost like not realizing that she was a Marine. It seemed ridiculous to her, especially after all she and Harm had been through together. But the last thing she wanted was to argue about it, and discussing Harm was a sure-fire way for that to happen. She couldn't help but wonder what Mic would do if the positions were reversed and Harm was the one she was with. She had her doubts that Mic would be as willing to walk away, if it was what she wanted. She shook her head and decided that it was time to change the subject back to Chloe. That was the closest thing to a safe topic that she could think of, with the possible exception of the wedding, and that was one of the last things she wanted to talk about at the present moment.

"Chloe's had a tough life," she pointed out, running a finger along the rim of her water glass. "She hasn't had a lot of people take an interest in her and I'm glad that all my friends at JAG – Harm, Bud, Harriet, Gunny, even the Admiral – are interested in her and how she's doing."

"She doesn't seem to like me all that much," he admitted, hoping Mac could provide some insight into how to win the girl over.

"Mic, she's fourteen and she barely knows you," Mac protested, keeping her tone light. "Teenagers tend to want to talk about things they like and to ignore everything else. You haven't exactly been helping by showing a definite lack of interest in her favorite sports. And to an American teenager, offering to take her to a cricket match probably compares to offering to send her to boarding school. You know what Chloe and I had been planning to do this afternoon? Go to the zoo and probably lunch on burgers and fries. Most young girls aren't going to get too excited about spending the afternoon in a fancy restaurant instead."

Mic thought about that. It had never even occurred to him to ask what Mac and Chloe had been planning to do and to see if he could become a part of their plans. He was trying to build a reputation as a lawyer and most people's image of one included fancy restaurants and luxury homes, not burgers and trips to the zoo. Not that he didn't like those things, but until he established himself and got people to take him seriously as a civilian lawyer, he needed to include some of the finer things in his life. "I invited her to join us because I want to get to know her better," he pointed out. "She's your sister and I want her to like me."

"Mic, don't try so hard," she suggested. "Chloe wants me to be happy, above all else, and if she sees that I'm happy, then she'll come around. It's not going to happen overnight." Especially if I'm not sure if I'm happy, she thought.

Chloe returned just in time to hear the last bit of their conversation. So Mic thought he could win her over by taking her to fancy lunches. She'd laugh at the idea if the situation were less serious. But nothing less than her sister's future happiness was at stake and she knew Mic Brumby was not the man to make her sister happy. She cleared her throat and slid into her seat, managing a smile.

A somewhat uncomfortable silence reigned over the table for most of lunch. Mic went to the opposite extreme, backing off from Chloe completely. He'd tried to talk about the wedding, until Mac had protested that she wanted to relax this afternoon, not stress out over wedding details. He hadn't really cared for the idea, but he'd backed off, partly out of concern for how Chloe would perceive it. As for Mac, he just assumed that it was pre-wedding jitters and that she was as thrilled as he was, even if it didn't quite show as it did with him.

Mac, of course, kept going back and forth in her mind between Harm and Mic, this time going over their respective relationships with her sister. Harm hadn't even had to try to establish a rapport with her – Chloe had automatically taken to him as if they'd known each other for years. Maybe that was part of the problem between Chloe and Mic – she was too close to Harm and too stuck on the idea of Mac and Harm as a couple, preventing her from warming up to Mic. Perhaps Mac had talked about him too much and not enough about Mic.

Chloe, for her part, was satisfied that Mic seemed uncomfortable around her, but she was concerned about Mac's attitude. If she were about to marry someone, she couldn't imagine not wanting to talk about it. Being the romantic that she was, she wouldn't be able to stop talking about it. But Mac had avoided the topic and had even seemed uncomfortable with the subject. She wondered if Mac might not be close to calling the whole thing off. Maybe whatever had happened between her and Harm when she'd seen him yesterday was causing her to question everything. Please, she prayed silently.

"So, Sarah, after we drop Chloe off back at her hotel," Mic said suddenly as he pushed his plate back, finished with his own meal, "why don't you come over to my place? We can discuss our honeymoon, have a late dinner …. " He trailed off, a confident look on his face.

No, Mac thought. I can't do this …. "I'm sorry, Mic," she said, sounding sincere in her apology, even as she was trembling inside. "I already promised Chloe she could spend the night with me tonight. Remember, I'm not getting much of an opportunity to spend time with her this trip."

Mic looked back and forth between the two, from Chloe's hopeful expression to Mac's plea for understanding. He shrugged. In a couple of days, he would have her all to himself for their two-week honeymoon in Australia, then every day and night for the rest of their lives. He could be magnanimous now. "No worries," he said, leaning over to nuzzle against Mac's ear. He lowered his voice so only she could hear. "We're going to be alone for two weeks anyway after a few days."

Mac shivered, but not from anticipation, as Mic assumed. God, how am I supposed to do this? she wondered. It was just one night, but why can't I make myself forget it and pay attention to my fiancé the way he deserves? God help me, why can't I?

~*~*~*~

MAC'S APARTMENT

"Why did you lie to him?" Chloe asked abruptly, after pulling off her jacket and tossing it on the couch. If there was a time for being obvious, this was it. Her sister, strident defender of truth and justice, had just lied to the man she was planning to marry. There was so much wrong with this relationship, Chloe wasn't really sure where to begin the discussion.

Mac stopped in the process of hanging up her own jacket and spun around to stare at her sister. She didn't even pretend not to know what Chloe was talking about. "Why did you tell Mic that you promised me that I could spend the night?" Chloe pressed on. "We'd never even discussed that. Mac, please tell me what's going on. What happened when you saw Harm?"

"Nothing happened," she protested, the lie not coming as easily to her lips now that she was talking to Chloe instead of Mic. Maybe she suspected that she wouldn't be believed, no matter what she claimed. Or maybe there was something deep inside of her that actually wanted to talk to someone about the thoughts tormenting her. "Harm …. he just wants me to be happy."

"And this is happy?" Chloe protested. "You could barely stand to let BugMe touch you, you lied to avoid spending the night with him, and you're planning to marry the man in a day and a half!"

"I guess I don't have to ask where you learned that word," she said, a bit angry, resolving to have a talk with Harm later about talking about Mic in front of her impressionable sister, not even stopping to think that Chloe's feeling about Mic might actually be pretty close to Harm's. "Mic's a good man – he's kind and takes care of me and he loves me."

"But I've never once heard you say that you love him," Chloe pointed out. "If that had been Harm with us, would you have been so quick to lie to him about not wanting to spend the night to him? Would you flinch every time he came near you? Honestly, I'm surprised Mic didn't notice something was wrong. Or is he so confident that he's won the prize that he doesn't even notice that you are not as into this wedding as he is?"

<i>Just make love to me.</i>

"I am not some prize to be won," Mac protested angrily, even as she admitted to herself that she'd sometimes felt that way – like when Mic had called her his fiancée in People or had told Harm behind her back that they were about to set a date. He’d been flaunting his relationship with her in both cases and it still bothered her to a degree. Getting angry made it easier to drive that other voice from her head, the one asking Harm to make love to her.

"Does he know that?" Chloe asked in a calmer tone. She hated seeing Mac so torn and upset, also noting that Mac hadn't protested her assertion that she wasn't as into the wedding as Mic was. "You said Harm just wants you to be happy and I believe that, knowing everything that I do about all you've done for each other. But what about Mic? How can he push like this when you're not happy? Doesn't he care about your happiness at all or does he just assume that because you're with him, you'll automatically be the happiest woman alive?"

"Chloe, there is so much that you don't know," she said steadily, trying to convince herself as well as Chloe, "about my relationship with Mic, about how I feel about him, even about my relation – I mean, my friendship with Harm. You're making assumptions without having all the facts."

Chloe sat down on the couch, Mac hesitating for a moment before joining her. "Do you remember my first day at JAG, what I'd told Harm?" Chloe asked gently, having caught Mac's slip. So she definitely did consider Harm to be more than a friend. That was good to know.

Mac's told me all about you. In fact, you're all she talks about …. although sometimes it's hard to tell what parts are true and what parts are just – well, you know – her fantasies.

Mac nodded mutely as she remembered Harm's amused look and Chloe's smug one, remembered thinking that she'd wanted Harm to ask her what she'd told Chloe to make her say something like that. Chloe continued, "That didn't just pop out of my mouth. I got that from listening to you talk about him. Arizona, the Appalachian Mountains, Russia, his Distinguished Flying Crosses – you make him seem larger than life and it is so obvious from the way you talk about him how much you love him. And it was even more obvious when I saw how you reacted when he told you he wanted to become a pilot again. You wanted so much to ask him to stay, to ask him not to leave you. I was there, remember?"

"I remember," Mac said softly, smiling weakly. That had been one of the worst days of her life, almost as bad as the day he'd actually walked out of JAG, almost as heartbreaking as a certain summer night under a certain bridge and a certain talk about eternity. "But there's more to this. Harm has his faults. He makes mistakes, sometimes big ones and sometimes it's hard to look past that."

"But you manage to eventually, don't you," Chloe stated, making sure that Mac knew from her tone that this was fact, not a question. "Because he's your best friend and you love him."

"Chloe there's a difference between loving someone, say as a friend, and being in love with someone," Mac explained patiently. "It's not all grand romance and all that stuff in novels. It's about being there for someone, talking care of them …."

"What about that day in the mountains?" Chloe interrupted. "Harm took care of you; he was there for you when you were in trouble. When has Mic ever done something like that for you?"

<i>I'm gonna get you through this. I promise.</i>

"You can't compare the two," Mac countered, even though she’d done the same thing herself earlier. "Mic is a different kind of man. He doesn't get into those types of situations. He's steadier …."

"Mac, you're a feisty, gung-ho, Marine," Chloe cut in again. "You seek out danger probably just as much as Harm does. Please don't tell me that you're looking for steady and stable. You thrive on the excitement of your life. Aren’t you the one who had the brilliant idea of following Harm into Russia not once, but twice? Can you tell me that you would really be satisfied without all the thrills and excitement? Can you tell me that Mic isn't going to have a problem with the more dangerous aspects of your job?"

"He hasn't so far," Mac protested with a laugh. "He even joked once about falling in love with Sheena, Queen of the Jungle."

"But what about after you're married and he expects you to start producing little Brumbys? Is he going to be so thrilled with your life then?" Chloe asked. Somehow, she sensed that Mic was going to expect his wife to spend lots of time at home being the perfect wife and someday the perfect mother. Although Harm would probably turn protective if Mac were expecting his child – what man wouldn't – Chloe suspected that he wouldn't spend all the rest of the time trying to shelter Mac from the big, bad world. He'd be out there in it, right next to her, looking out for her as she looked out for him, unstoppable because they were a team and knew how to work together, both in the courtroom and out of it. And wasn't that what a marriage should be, a team effort?

"That's probably still a ways down the road," Mac said. "We haven't even gotten married yet. A family is probably still a few years away, at least."

"But you've thought about it – a family, I mean?"

<i>Tell you what. Five years from this moment, if neither one of us is in a relationship, we'll go halves on a kid.</i>

"Yes, I've thought about it," she admitted softly, a soft smile appearing on her face. Oh, she’d thought about it. What was it supposed to be – a little boy with her looks and Harm's brains or a daughter with his looks and her brains? Her face fell when she realized that every time she'd imagined her future children, she'd never pictured Mic as their father. After they'd gotten engaged, she'd simply avoided thinking about the eventuality.

"Mac, I love you and, just like Harm, I want you to be happy," Chloe assured her, emphasizing the word 'happy'. "Please think about this long and hard. If you're still not sure, at least postpone for a bit, get your bearings. If Mic really does want you to be happy, then he'll wait. If your happiness is more important to him than anything else, then he'll understand."

"Chloe, it's not that simple …."

"God, Mac, what will it take to get you to realize that you're in no condition to get married, not right now, anyway?" Chloe asked, practically shouting. She held her breath, waiting for Mac to argue the point with her, a bit startled by her outburst.

Instead, Mac looked down at her hands, studying the ring on her left hand. If last night hadn't settled things in her mind – if making love to a man not her fiancée couldn't immediately get her to back away from this wedding – then what could? "I'm not sure that anything can anymore," she whispered, her eyes surprisingly dry. She'd shed all her tears that morning, watching Harm fly away from her, reading his letter. She didn't think that she had any more left to shed.

Hearing the heartbreak evident in her tone, Chloe was instantly contrite. Mac was hurting so much and all she was doing was adding to it. She threw her arms around Mac's shoulders and hugged her tight. "I'm sorry," she said. "I don't want you to be hurt and …."

"It's okay," Mac assured her, returning the hug. "I love you for being so concerned." She pulled back enough so she could look Chloe in the eye. "Maybe you're right, because you're not asking me anything that I haven't already been asking myself."

Chloe stared at her, stunned. For Mac to make an admission like that …. She knew that Mac didn't let other people in easily, not even her, probably not even Harm at times. She knew because she'd been there herself, her sarcasm used as a defense mechanism to prevent others from getting too close. But Mac, Harm and their friends at JAG had all looked past that to the scared little girl who wanted nothing more than to be loved. She knew that there was someone else who wanted nothing more than to be loved, but would it be worth it for Mac to let herself be loved by the wrong man?

~*~*~*~

[ Next Thread | Previous Thread | Next Message | Previous Message ]

Replies:

[> DOALS I - Hands To Heaven 9/10 -- TracyJean, 19:01:13 06/13/05 Mon

Since I didn't get to post yesterday, here's a second part for today.

And just a little update on Chapter III - I just got part 13 (of 15) back from the beta. It's all coming together....

~*~*~*~

FRIDAY AFTERNOON
25 MAY 2001
USS PATRICK HENRY
APPROX. 500 MILES ESE OF NORFOLK, VIRGINIA

"Way to go, Hammer," Skates said enthusiastically as she stepped out onto the observation deck. Harm was standing at the railing, leaning forward, clasping his hands around the top rail, staring out over the churning ocean below. "I guess you showed Paddles. Word is that even the skipper is impressed." She laughed, remembering how Harm had butted heads with Captain Ingles more than once during her court-martial. Fortunately, it appeared that he acknowledged the fact that Harm had simply been doing his job back then.

"I guess," he replied noncommittally, not even bothering to glance back at her. "But maybe Paddles was right. Maybe I wasn't paying attention as closely as I should have been on the first landing attempt." He knew that he could probably excuse his botched first attempt as a mistake anyone could have made. Even the best pilot in the world couldn't land perfectly every time. But he couldn't get past the fact that he had way too much on his mind, things that may have distracted him, slowing his reaction time.

He wondered what she was doing right at this moment. Glancing at his watch, he figured that her wedding rehearsal was just getting ready to start, assuming that she hadn't made the decision yet whether or not to call the entire thing off. He doubted that. If she’d done so, wouldn't she contact him to let him know whether or not she'd made her decision in his favor? Would she really leave him hanging like that after everything? But now, nearly thirty-six hours after he'd left her at the airfield in Norfolk, he hadn't heard a word from her. He'd thought about calling her, more times than he cared to count, but he didn't want it to appear as if he was pressuring her for a decision. He knew that he should start preparing himself for the probability that she'd decided to go through with the wedding after all, but he wasn't ready to do so. At this point, he was wishing that he hadn't made that damn promise to return in time to attend the wedding. He wasn't sure anymore if he could make himself live with the torture of watching her pledge herself to another man. It would probably be the hardest thing he’d ever have to do, probably topped only by saying goodbye to his father, but he’d promised.

Skates joined him at the railing, noting that his gaze didn't seem to be focused on anything in particular, but seemed distant, lost. Was he really that bothered by the first attempt, she wondered, when he'd pulled up for another go around just as he'd touched the deck, having been waved off by Paddles? In her opinion, a lesser pilot might not have been able to pull up in time, with possibly disastrous results. But Harm had been able to lift off again and come around for another attempt. Surely, he had to be aware of the skill that had taken.

Everyone knew Paddles had been giving Harm a hard time just because he was no longer an active pilot. But he’d nailed the next four attempts and even Captain Ingles was reported to have been impressed with the textbook-perfect landings. She'd overheard the ship's navigation officer, who had been standing near the Captain on the bridge as Harm had made his last four landings, telling Captain Pike about Ingles' reaction on her way to the officers' mess to grab a bite to eat after their final landing. Despite the way Harm had gone after Ingles during her court-martial, a good number of people on the Patrick Henry remembered further back than that, to Harm's days as an active pilot aboard the ship, remembered the way he'd pushed Tuna's Tomcat out of Kosovar air space so that the latter could safely eject over the water. There had been a lot of people rooting for him out there today.

"It could have happened to anyone," she tried to assure him. "Even Paddles would have to admit that now after those last four landings." Glancing at him again, she sensed that he wasn't in the mood to talk about the quals, so she changed the subject. "So when are you planning to head back to Washington?"

"In a few hours," he replied. "I'm going to ferry a Tomcat to Norfolk then drive on to Washington tonight from there. I've got to be back in Washington tomorrow morning for …. a wedding."

"Oh, really?" Skates said, not noticing the hesitation in his voice. The topic of weddings was of particular interest to her as she was deep into planning her own, scheduled for the end of June. "Who's getting married?"

"My best friend," he forced himself to reply. “Um, Mac’s getting married.”

"I didn't know Colonel Mackenzie was getting married," she said. Despite the fact that it had been Mac who had prosecuted her, Skates didn’t hold it against the other woman, who had so graciously congratulated her after her verdict. "Tell her I said congratulations."

After a moment, he said dully, "I'll do that. So I guess it is back onto the LSO platform for you after this?"

"Actually, I was going to head for Washington myself tomorrow for a few days leave, leaving on the morning cod," she said, her voice betraying her excitement. "But if you don't mind the company, I'd be happy to fly back with you. My guy and I are going to work on our own wedding plans."

Harm turned and looked at her, attempting to appear happy for her. But weddings were too painful a subject right now and a neutral expression was the best he could manage. "I didn't know you were getting married," he said. "Is this the same guy you were seeing two years ago, the one who worked in SecNav's office?"

She nodded. "Except that he's now heading the public affairs office at Washington Naval Yard," she told him. "He was actually happy to get the chance to slow down. Working for the SecNav doesn't exactly leave a lot of time to plan a wedding, especially since he's been stuck doing most of it while I've been out here. About the only significant contribution I've made other than agreeing with the arrangements he's made has been to purchase our wedding rings while the ship was docked for liberty two months ago in Spain." She laughed, remembering the conversation she'd had with her fiancé the day she'd first seen the rings at a bazaar, joking that maybe there was something she could contribute to the wedding aside from her presence.

"Anyway," she continue, "I think he mailed out invitations this past week, so you can probably look to have yours when you get back home."

"I look forward to it," he said, not quite lying. Maybe it would be a relief to attend a wedding that he didn't have a major personal stake in, where his only participation would be as a casual observer. He turned away from her to look back towards the horizon. In his mind, he could see Mac walking slowly down the aisle at the rehearsal, her arm hooked around the Admiral's. She would look beautiful, even if it was just the rehearsal and she wasn’t wearing her wedding dress. He shook his head, trying to rid himself of the image, but he could see her coming to a stop in front of the altar, smiling brightly at the man waiting for her. He imagined the Admiral releasing her arm and leaning forward to whisper, "Take good care of her, Commander."

Wait a minute. He closed his eyes, pinching the bridge of his nose. Why would the Admiral be calling Brumby 'Commander'? He'd been a civilian for a year now. He couldn't recall the last time he'd heard anyone refer to the Australian by his rank. In fact, the first few months he'd been back in the US, he'd told more than one person that he didn't need to be called 'Commander' or 'Sir' anymore. As far as he knew from Bud – not that he really cared, he told himself - the man was even planning on wearing a regular tuxedo to the wedding, not his uniform. Shaking his head again, he became aware of Skates calling his name.

"Hammer, you okay?" he became aware of her asking.

"It's nothing," he lied. That was easier than he thought it would be, pretending that everything was just fine. Maybe someday it would be second nature.

"Are you sure?" she continued.

"Positive," he replied, his voice so quiet that she barely heard him. "There's nothing I can do about it anyway, so I may as well put what I was thinking out of my mind."

Skates opened her mouth to say more, but closed it again when she saw the look on his face, the one that said he definitely did not want to talk about whatever was bothering him, the same one that said that whatever it was, it was bringing the weight of the world down upon his shoulders. Maybe it was a good time to remember that he was not just a friend, but also a superior officer, and back off. "Sir, about that ride …." she began, changing subjects.

"Oh, right," he said after a moment, as if he had to try to remember what she was talking about. "It would be a pleasure to fly back to Norfolk with you. I've got my car at the base, so I can even give you a ride to Washington if you'd like."

'Thank you, Hammer," she said. "I'd appreciate that." She turned to leave, but stopped herself. "I hope that whatever it is, it ends up working out for you." When he didn't acknowledge the statement after a moment, she left him alone on the deck.

Only after he heard the door close behind her did he whisper in response, "I think we may have gone beyond that point already." He didn't want to think about it, but knew he had to. Maybe he'd been wrong, maybe their night together hadn't meant as much to her as it had to him. Maybe it wasn't anything different than what she was used to experiencing nearly every night with Brumby. He didn't want to think about that, about her trembling under the other man's touch, about her breathy voice pleading for more from someone else. He wanted to close his eyes and pretend that she'd reacted to him as she'd reacted to no other man before. There was a part of him that wished he could have felt sorry about wanting another man's woman so that their night together might have never happened. Then he wouldn't know what he would be missing, what she would be giving to Brumby for the rest of their lives.

~*~*~*~

SAME TIME
CATHEDRAL OF ST. MATTHEW THE APOSTLE
WASHINGTON DC

Mac stood at the back of the church, her eyes darting nervously around the sanctuary, standing slightly away from Harriet, Chloe and the Admiral, waiting for the rehearsal to start. Mic was up front, talking to the head chaplain from Washington Naval Yard, who was officiating at the ceremony with special permission from the cathedral.

How had she let Mic talk her into holding their wedding at the cathedral of the Archdiocese of Washington? At least she'd been able to talk him into using one of the side chapels, rather than the cavernous main sanctuary, protesting that all their guests would barely fill the first two rows of pews in there. It had been a compromise, just one of many made during the course of planning this wedding, yet she felt somehow that he'd gotten the better end of the deal in most of them. At the time, she'd convinced herself that it was only fair, since she'd ended up dumping many of the preparations into his lap as she’d frequently been tied up with work. Now, there was a part of her that wondered what the wedding would have ended up being like were she marrying Harm.
She imagined that he would like to be married at the Naval Academy chapel. Not because it was the so-called Cathedral of the Navy and he would want to make some kind of statement by marrying amidst such splendor, but because his parents had been married there, nearly forty years ago just after Harm, Sr. had graduated. It would be because of family history, not because he wanted to have the perfect wedding to match his perfect wife.

She didn't feel very perfect. In fact, she didn't feel she deserved to be married in the premiere Catholic church in the District and that wasn't only because of what had happened with Harm. Although her first marriage had been performed by a justice of the peace while she'd been dressed in a t-shirt and jeans, she felt she'd made too many mistakes in the interim to deserve a huge, splashy second wedding with all the trimmings. She'd wanted small and simple. But Mic, whose first choice would have been to return to Australia to be married in his local church, which he'd made sound like a cross between Westminster Abbey and Notre Dame, had wanted something large and very formal. In fact, the wedding mass – rather than just a ceremony – had also been his idea.

Although Mac wouldn't exactly call herself a good Catholic – she could barely remember the last time she'd attended church regularly before Mic had insisted that they start going during pre-Cana, as if he'd wanted to make a good impression on the church about their devoutness – there just seemed to be something bothersome about all this. She needed to go to Confession, but what was she supposed to say? 'Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned. I'm not really sorry about it, but I cheated on my fiancée three days ago.' If that was the case, maybe she'd get lucky and the priest would insist the ceremony be called off. She imagined the part in the ceremony where the priest would ask if anyone had any objections, then speaking up himself. Sure, that would probably violate the sanctity of the confessional, but at least the idea was good for a half-hearted laugh. Surely there had to be some kind of church law about committing adultery before the marriage even started. Then she wouldn't have to make the decision she'd promised Harm that she'd think about, the decision that she wasn’t sure she had the strength to make.

"Mac?" Harriet asked from a few feet away, where she’d been engaged in conversation with Chloe. She'd noticed that Mac seemed to be distancing herself from everyone else. She'd thought to chalk it up to pre-wedding jitters, but there was something …. she couldn't quite put her finger on it, but she suspected that this was more than that. She almost looked as if she was carrying the weight of the world on her shoulders.

Mac turned to them, startled. She'd almost forgotten that she wasn't alone. "Yes, Harriet?" she asked. "Are they about ready to start?"

Harriet looked up towards the front of the church, where Mic was still deep in conference with the priest. "Doesn't look like it," she replied, shaking her head. "I just wanted to see how you're doing."

"Fine," she lied. Chloe opened her mouth to contradict that statement, but Mac shot her a warning glance, daring her to say anything. Rolling her eyes, Chloe shut her mouth, but returned the look with one of her own, promising silently to say something later. "It's just …."

"Tomorrow's the big day," Harriet finished for her. She remembered the days leading up to her own wedding. She supposed that even Mac, who always seemed so composed and sure, could experience stronger than usual nervousness. Then again, what was considered normal before a wedding? But Mac had been a huge help when all Harriet had wanted to do was throw up and call off her own wedding, so the least Harriet could do was return the favor.

"Yeah, tomorrow's the big day," Mac echoed softly. Maybe. She just wasn’t sure yet. Maybe Chloe was right in that she was in no condition to be getting married. But how could she explain that to Mic at this late date, even if her decision was just to postpone things? After all the planning, all the energy he’d thrown into this, what was she supposed to say that she couldn’t have said months ago?

She fell silent and Harriet was at a loss as to what else to say. They needed something to lighten the mood. At her own wedding rehearsal, Bud had been even more nervous than she’d been, until Harm had started cracking jokes and relating stories of some of their more colorful adventures, keeping it up until all of them couldn't help but laugh, releasing a lot of the tension in the church. Too bad he wasn't here now. Surely he could put a smile on his best friend’s face, she thought. Maybe it was time to talk about something other than the wedding. "I wonder how the Commander's doing on his quals," she mused.
Mac caught Chloe's smile at the change in topic, but she refrained insisting that they talk about something else. She was afraid that Harriet would begin to suspect that something was up if she refused to talk about him. "He's probably about finished," she replied, twisting her engagement ring on her finger. The band was rubbing her finger as she clenched and unclenched her fingers and it was mildly irritating her skin. It never really had done that before. Maybe it was just a coincidence, or a psychosomatic symptom of the choice she was facing. It was just another thing of which she wasn’t sure. "He promised he would be back in time for the wedding, so he's probably going to fly back home tonight."

"Of course he'll be back," Harriet assured her, wondering if part of Mac's mood stemmed from concern that her best friend might not make it back in time for her wedding. "He wouldn't miss your wedding."

"No, he wouldn't," Chloe said strongly. "Harm's a man of his word."

"Yes, he is," Mac agreed, smiling, trying not to think too hard about why she was so pleased about the idea of him returning for the wedding. "And I'm sure he's done fine. Harm's an excellent pilot. He's probably flying circles around all those younger pilots."

Harriet and Chloe both laughed, both relieved for different reasons that Mac seemed to be relaxing a bit. Chloe was about to say something else when AJ joined them. "It looks like we're about ready to begin," he told them. "Is everyone ready?" They all nodded, Mac hesitating a split second, as they lined up, first Harriet, then Chloe, then Mac and AJ. Mac hesitated another second, then linked her arm around AJ's as Harriet started up the aisle.

"Colonel, um, Mac, it will be fine," he assured her, chalking up her hesitation to jitters, just as Harriet had.
Mac didn't answer him because she knew that things were far from fine and she wasn't sure if they ever would be and she knew she couldn't explain that to anyone. She owed so much to Mic. He’d given up so much for her. What would he do if she were to call it off at this late date, how would he handle it? He loved her so much. That had to be worth something, even if ….

She shook her head. This was the rehearsal for her wedding. She needed to concentrate on the moment at hand. She noted that Harriet had reached the altar, smiling at her husband across from her. The gesture warmed Mac's heart. They loved each other so much, had been through so much together and they were still going strong. Would that be her and Mic someday? Could that be them? Could it be her and Harm? She shook her head again, telling herself that she wasn’t going to think about that now, not while the rehearsal was going on. Right now, she needed to think about the man waiting for her at the other end of the long aisle.

As Harriet reached the altar, Chloe reached the halfway mark of her walk and then Mac and AJ started. She stared straight ahead, trying to focus on the man waiting for her. Mic smiled proudly back at her, imagining the image she would project in her wedding dress the next morning. Finally, she was going to become his wife. Everything he wanted was finally within his grasp.

A bright, shiny object caught Mac's eye where they should have been nothing and she squinted, trying to figure out what it was she was seeing. The object was so bright and so familiar, shiny gold on a background of white. No, it couldn't …. she blinked, trying to dispel the image, but it persisted and when she glance up, she saw his smile, not quite as cocky and devil-may-care as usual, but softer, as if he was beholding the most beautiful sight. She blinked again and it was suddenly Mic standing before the altar again, simply dressed in a dark suit and tie. The closest thing to dress whites at the altar was the summer white uniforms the chaplain and Bud wore. And there were no gold wings to be found, not here.

She rubbed her eyes, drawing AJ’s attention. “Colonel, are you okay?” he asked.

“Yes, Sir,” she replied, lowering her hand. “I must have just gotten something in my eyes.” That was almost easy, she mused, lying to AJ. She’d barely had to think about that one. She just couldn’t decide if that was good or bad. Maybe the lies were becoming easier. Maybe someday she’d be able to utter them without even thinking about them at all.

As they reached the altar, Mic held out his hand and AJ placed her hand in his. Mic clasped his fingers around hers as AJ stepped back, but Mac didn't feel it. She felt another's palm pressed against hers, fingers entwining with hers as they …. She shivered at the thought and Mic smiled at her again.

This is Mic standing in front of you, she told herself. Harm's not here. He's on a carrier somewhere on the Atlantic Ocean or maybe already on his way back. He's not here. She took a cleansing breath and smiled at Mic, who was so happy that he didn’t notice that the expression didn’t reach her eyes.

~*~*~*~

“Mic, we discussed this,” Mac said, trying to keep her voice down, the rehearsal having come to a halt while she and Mic had a disagreement about their vows. Mic had been pushing for them to write their own vows, in addition to the standard stuff, while Mac had wanted to stick with traditional vows, even before she’d admitted that she was so conflicted about everything. She was a private, reserved person and didn’t feel comfortable speaking about her feelings in front of everyone, even if it was at her own wedding. Even if Mic wasn’t her groom, she was positive she’d still feel the same way. Now, with everything that was going on in her mind, she was terrified that she couldn’t find the words, or that she would say the wrong words that let everyone know what she was truly feeling. Mic, on the other hand, was more inclined to want to shout his love for her from the rooftops. “I don’t feel comfortable talking about stuff like that in public.”

“But, Sarah,” he countered, “it’s our wedding. When else would we talk about such things?”

“In private, maybe,” she retorted, unable to keep the slight edge out of her voice. “I’m just not good about speaking about stuff like this in front of everyone.”

“You’re a lawyer,” he pointed out, trying to be conciliatory, putting his hand on her shoulder in a gesture of comfort. She resisted the urge to shrug it away. “If you put your mind to it, you can do this ….”

“No, Mic,” she said, a bit too strongly as everyone gathered around began wishing that they were somewhere else during this escalating argument.

“Well, let’s ask everyone else for their opinion, luv,” Mic suggested, hoping that the input from her friends would bring her around and get her to calm down. He guessed she was entitled to her jitters. After all, hadn’t he been the one who’d nearly walked out of the jewelry store without their rings earlier in the week? “What do you all think? Traditional or custom vows?”

“I think that it is Mac’s wedding and she should be allowed to do what she wants,” Chloe piped in immediately, ignoring the sharp look from Mac. Mic frowned slightly, but refrained from comment. His relationship with Chloe was tentative at best, so he wasn't really expecting help from that quarter. But AJ, Bud and Harriet all were, or had been, married. Surely, they would understand.

"Well, Mic," Bud said tentatively, wary of being dragged into what should have been a private argument, "when Harriet and I were getting married, I wanted her to wear her uniform. The Admiral told me basically what Chloe just said, that it was her wedding and to let her do what she wanted. That's probably not bad advice." AJ nodded his agreement, but otherwise didn't comment.

Harriet watched Mac carefully for a moment, more worried than ever. Sure, it probably wasn't unusual for couples to argue in the tense days and hours leading up to a wedding. Hell, she'd been ready to give Bud the boot because he'd gotten punched out by a pregnant stripper and thrown in jail the night before their wedding – or so she'd claimed. But she had the strong sense that this was more. Still, she'd do whatever she could to smooth the waters. "If the Colonel isn't comfortable talking about such things in public, there's nothing wrong with that. Some people aren't. And the last thing that I'm sure we all want is for this wedding to be anything less than perfect."

Harriet's gentle tone got through to Mic, who finally nodded and said, "Alright then. If it's what you really want, then we'll just go with the traditional vows."

"Thank you," Mac whispered, inwardly breathing a sigh of relief. She'd been on the verge of snapping Mic's head off, she realized, and she wasn't sure if, in the heat of the moment, she could have stopped herself from saying something in front of everyone that would have revealed feelings that she wasn't entirely sure of herself.

As the priest motioned everyone back into their places so they could continue with the rehearsal. Chloe noticed Harriet watching Mac with concern. Maybe there was someone else who realized that Mac's heart wasn't as into this as it should be. She resolved to make time to talk to Harriet, see if maybe there was someone else who would talk to Mac whom she might actually listen to.

~*~*~*~

OLIVIA AND JULIET'S RESTAURANT
AN HOUR LATER

"Harriet, can I talk to you for a few minutes?" Chloe asked as they entered the restaurant where the rehearsal dinner was to be held.

Harriet nodded, and then turned to her husband. "Go on in, Bud," she told him. "I'll be there in a few minutes." She kissed him on the cheek and patted his shoulder before he walked into the private dining room that had been reserved for the dinner. Chloe noted the loving gestures, realizing that she hadn’t seen Mac act like that towards Mic in the few days she’d been in town. She was still young enough and optimistic enough to believe that love should be like a fairy tale, with the couple in question living happily ever after. Bud and Harriet seemed to have that. What shouldn’t Mac?

Now that she had Harriet's undivided attention, she wasn't sure where to start. She knew Harriet was a friend of both Harm and Mac, but she wasn’t sure how much Harriet knew about the relationship between them. As Mac had pointed out at the rehearsal, she was a very private person and she knew from Mac that Harm was as well. "Well, Harriet, I'm worried …. who is that?" Chloe pointed towards the door, which Renee had just walked through.

Harriet gently pushed Chloe's arm down. "That's Renee Peterson, Commander Rabb's girlfriend," she informed her. Chloe's eyes widened.

"*That's* the 'Video Princess?" she blurted out. Fortunately, Renee wasn't close enough yet to overhear. "And I thought the shrink was bad."

"She's really a very nice woman," Harriet assured her, wondering where Chloe had come up with that nickname for someone she'd never met. "And so was Jordan." Renee caught sight of them and Harriet motioned her over.

"Hello, Renee," she greeted the other woman. Harriet was a bit surprised that she was even present, figuring that she would stay away since Harm wasn't going to be there. Renee and Mac were friendly towards each other when they ran into each other, but no one would really call them friends.

"Hello, Harriet," she returned with a broad smile. "I'm not late, am I?"

"No, we're still waiting for the rest of the JAG staff, the ones who weren't at the rehearsal," Harriet explained. "I think I saw Lieutenant Singer in there, but we're still expecting Gunny, Tiner and the Mattonis."

"Oh, good," Renee replied. "And who is this?"

"Renee, this is the Colonel's little sister Chloe," she introduced them. "Chloe, this is Renee Peterson."

"Hello," Chloe said, looking Renee up and down, almost immediately dismissing her as too made up. She nearly smiled, wondering what she was hiding under all that makeup. If this was the kind of woman Harm was spending his time with, then maybe Mac wasn't the only one who needed a good talking to. Then again, what was he supposed to do when the woman he loved was wearing another man's ring?

"Hello," Renee said, then stopped with a puzzled look on her face. "I didn't realize Mac even had a sister."

"Well, I'm not really," Chloe said. "It's …."

"Hello, Renee," Mac said from behind Chloe, having walked out of the dining room when she'd heard their voices. "It is …. good of you to come."

"I'm happy to be here," Renee replied, almost sounding to Chloe as if she meant it. She looked from one woman to the other, trying to figure them out. Why would Harm's girlfriend come without him? From what she'd heard from Mac, she knew the two weren't friends. "It's not much longer now, is it?"

"Sixteen hours and twenty-seven minutes," Mac replied automatically, although she wasn't counting the hours and minutes for the same reasons that most brides would be. That was simply how much time remained – for what, she wasn't quite sure. Once again, time was proving to be her enemy.

"Twenty-five minutes, actually," Renee said, while the wheels began turning in Chloe's mind. Mac knowing the exact time until the ceremony wasn't unusual, even under the difficult circumstances. But Renee not only knowing the time, but correcting Mac on it? Chloe wondered if maybe Renee wasn't looking forward to this wedding a little too much. Just how serious was the relationship between her and Harm – or rather, how serious did she perceive it to be? She began to worry that this situation might be worse than she'd originally thought.

"Oh," Mac said nervously, remembering what she'd told Harm the night of the engagement party, about how Renee wouldn't easily give him up. This was pretty strong evidence in favor of that. Renee clearly saw her as a threat to her relationship with Harm. Why else would she care so much about exactly how much time remained until Mac would be a married woman?

If she chose Mic, who would be hurt? Harm would, but at least he would have Renee, and she would be hurt herself, until she could learn to accept that her future lay with Mic. But if she went with Harm, what would happen? Well, Mic and Renee would definitely be hurt, with no one really there to help them pick up the pieces. And there were no guarantees that she and Harm would work, so they could easily end up hurting themselves in the process. Or worse, they could end up hurting each other, as they'd so many times in the past.

Chloe wasn't the only one watching Mac and Renee with interest. Harriet also sensed the undercurrents between the two women and wondered about it. She knew they weren't friends, but Renee seemed so eager about this wedding, even more so than the bride. Harriet nibbled on her lower lip as an idea took root in her mind. Surely ….? She shook her head, but couldn't dispel the notion as memories replayed in her mind of five years of friendship and maybe more between two of her closest friends. Harm's Article 32 hearing, his support of Mac when she was stalked, some incident in Norfolk that Bud had only hinted about in the vaguest possible terms, Russia, the way they'd saved each other on that submarine.

Bud had even told her about Harm and Mac's little adventure in the Appalachian Mountains, which had happened just before Harriet had transferred from the Sea Hawk to a shore assignment. She could almost believe that there might have been something more between them at one time, but then Harm had left for six months and their friendship seemed to have cooled by the time he'd returned and it had been a long time before they even came close to what they’d once shared.

Then she remembered some of the hints Bud had dropped about what had happened in Australia, as well as Mic’s and Renee's reactions when they'd go away on cases together. Hadn't she and Gunny had to do some fast talking when they'd been on submarines in the Barents Sea and they hadn't even been on the same boat? And Renee, hadn't she commented during their girls' night that she was praying that Mic didn't get hit by a bus? She'd initially dismissed it as a drunken ramble – they both had been a bit beyond tipsy by that point – but she wondered now if there wasn't more to it. Was Renee counting the hours and minutes until Mac was married because she saw the other woman as competition for Harm's affection?

As the four of them started to walk into the dining room, Chloe fell back so that she was walking beside Harriet. "You see it, too, don't you?" she whispered, drawing a startled glance from Harriet. "I see it in your eyes. You have your doubts about what Mac is planning to do."

~*~*~*~

Continued in part 10 tomorrow


[ Edit | View ]


[ Contact Forum Admin ]

Forum timezone: GMT-5
VF Version: 3.00b, ConfDB:
Before posting please read our privacy policy.
VoyForums(tm) is a Free Service from Voyager Info-Systems.
Copyright © 1998-2019 Voyager Info-Systems. All Rights Reserved.