| Subject: The fake Granny beats up airport security story |
Author:
NKLS Cody
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Date Posted: 09:50:19 07/21/03 Mon
In reply to:
Xpltivdletd
's message, "One more (KISS Principle) afterthought..." on 21:22:49 07/16/03 Wed
I got the following story sent to me yesterday and, although the hoax is quite funny, I couldn't believe the number of conservative web pages that reposted it as "the truth" because it reflected their bias that the current federalized airport security system doesn't work. And since this urban legend has been floating around the internet for about 14 months, it predates the latest changes designed to improve the system.
First, here's the link to what the Snopes2 (story hoax dective) has to say about the following supposed "news article" and then the version sent to myself.
http://www.snopes.com/humor/iftrue/granny.htm
Grandma Beats Up Airport Security Guards
by Bob Wallace
Charges were dropped yesterday against Ruth "Grammy" Gordon, an
83-year-old wheelchair-bound grandmother, who was originally charged
with assault and battery, and assault with a deadly weapon, because
of an altercation she had last week with six airport security
guards, that left all 6 hospitalized.
"Justice has been served," said the 95-pound Mother of three and
Grandmother of six, as she sat in her wheelchair, aided in her
breathing by an oxygen bottle. "Now I'm going to sue every fool in
the federal government for ignorance, stupidity, and just plain
general incompetence. I'm an American, and I won't be treated like
this."
The problem began last month as Gordon was attempting to board an
airplane. "These guys are supposed to be some kind of
professionals," she said, "but they're dumber than rocks. Here they
were, letting guys who looked just like terrorists walk through
without searching them, and then they pull me aside and tell me
they're going to search me? I don't think so."
According to one witness, Bud Cort of Cuyahoga Falls, Ohio, one
guard, "who weighed about 300 pounds, looked like he was drunk, and
had his shirt out, told this woman she couldn't board the plane
unless they searched her. He was really rude. That's when the
trouble started."
Videotapes showed that Hollis ran the guard down with her motorized
wheelchair, then sat on top of the screaming man while spinning her
chair in circles. "Doofus was so fat he couldn't get up," said
Hollis with a giggle. One guard who attempted to pull Gordon's
wheelchair off of the screaming man from behind was hit over the
head with an oxygen bottle and knocked unconscious. A third guard,
who approached Hollis from the front, was also left dazed on the
floor. Witnesses said she was cackling, "Put your hands on an old
lady, will you?" as she bashed both guards. The tape also showed a
fourth guard attempting to grab Gordon's wheel-chair. Hollis removed
a knitting needle from her purse and stabbed him in his left
buttock. "What a wimp," she told reporters. "He started screaming
and grabbing his butt and running like a puppy that someone kicked."
"It was amazing," said another witness, named Scott Ryan.
"The whole crowd just stood there cheering and clapping. I mean, she
was whupping butt."
A fifth guard that attempted to grab Hollis had the seat of his
pants set on fire with a cigarette lighter that had escaped
detection. "He just went whoosh across the concourse, screaming and
slapping at all these flames flying out of his rear," said Ryan. A
sixth guard did finally manage to get Hollis in a body hug. "I think
that was the wrong thing to do," said another witness, who declined
to be identified. "She just grabbed him by his greasy hair with one
hand and cracked him across the jaw with her skinny fist. And down
and out he went." After all this, Hollis's chair was still sitting
on top of the first guard. The tapes clearly showed her leaning
over and yelling, "Apologize to me, you fat sumbich, or when I'm
done with you, you'll just be a greasy spot on the floor!"
As the crowd roared, the guard cried, "I'm sorry, I'm sorry! Uncle!
I won't do it again!" Finally, Hollis surrendered without further
incident, and was taken to jail and released on her own recognizance.
"We didn't have any choice," said an unidentified officer of the
court. "Over 200 people showed up to support her. I think if we had
demanded bail, there would have been a riot."
Over 20 lawyers offered to defend her for free. However, realizing
the precariousness of the case, Hollis was not charged with
anything. "I doubt there's a jury in the whole country that would
have found her guilty of anything," said one of the lawyers.
"I'm flying again tomorrow," Hollis told reporters. "And I suggest
no one at the airport so much as look at me wrong."
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