Author:
COMEDY GODDAMN MARK
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Date Posted: 07/30/04 5:14pm
In reply to:
El
's message, "Re: Vanning" on 07/30/04 12:30pm
Thanks. I almost gave up last night. A fist full of fury was almost delivered to the engine block after I realized it's four hour assembly would go completely unnoticed and unmerited as it is completely hidden from view upon installation. Also, the instructions for completing this goddamn van are more detailed than the purification process of Uranium-238. I'm sure 98% of these parts are completely unnecessary, like the 43 pinhead sized parts that assemble each of the FOUR shock systems. However, I have the Challenger disaster in the back of my head, and I'm afraid if I don't pay extreme attention to every nagging detail, I'll blow an O-Ring during inspection/judging and my hard work will burst into flames and get plastic all over my rented tux.
I know I probably reside in the bottom 5% of manually skilled individuals, but Jesus Haitch Christ, the instructions do not give you a clue as to which piece should be installed before which other pieces. I tried to glue some godforsaken piece of shit and noticed this huge radiator was in the way. FUCK THAT! I have slaved and slaved over this hulk of shitty plastic so fucking long that I am going to buy myself a trophy regardless of the outcome of the contest. The parts number in the ONE HUNDREDS, and it's a skill level TWO? I bet the dickheads in Detroit who made my Dodge would have a hard time assembling this thing.
In conclusion, fuck vans, fuck vanning, and fuck you.
>We were taking bets on how much of the van you would
>get through before you gave up. I haven't even started
>coz i'm, like, rad and being enthusistic about stuff
>isn't rad. My vanning time is limited to those times
>when I'm not doing girly stuff, its sometimes hard to
>adjust to boy shit and my chi doesn't handle all this
>switching back and forth between gender identity roles.
>
>>Vanning is hard work. I spent like an hour last night
>>meticulously assembling the plastic engine parts. I'm
>>not even sure the engine is visible when the model is
>>completed. I think it's supposed to be "fun" to
>>assemble. It's not.
>>
>>>Vanning Log: entry 17 July 28, 2004
>>>
>>>I have been vanning for two solid days now. So far,
>>>there is no end in sight. I don't know how long I
>can
>>>keep this grueling pace up and I fear that I will
>>>suffer a collapse from exhaustion long before I have
>>>completed my mission. Now, only time will tell.
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