VoyForums
[ Show ]
Support VoyForums
[ Shrink ]
VoyForums Announcement: Programming and providing support for this service has been a labor of love since 1997. We are one of the few services online who values our users' privacy, and have never sold your information. We have even fought hard to defend your privacy in legal cases; however, we've done it with almost no financial support -- paying out of pocket to continue providing the service. Due to the issues imposed on us by advertisers, we also stopped hosting most ads on the forums many years ago. We hope you appreciate our efforts.

Show your support by donating any amount. (Note: We are still technically a for-profit company, so your contribution is not tax-deductible.) PayPal Acct: Feedback:

Donate to VoyForums (PayPal):

[ Login ] [ Contact Forum Admin ] [ Main index ] [ Post a new message ] [ Search | Check update time | Archives: 1, [2] ]

[ Next Thread | Previous Thread | Next Message | Previous Message ]

Date Posted: 16:07:36 04/13/02 Sat
Author: Raphaela
Author Host/IP: webcacheB07a.cache.pol.co.uk / 195.92.168.169
Subject: Re: Eleven-Hour Day
In reply to: Jim 's message, "Eleven-Hour Day" on 16:09:41 04/03/02 Wed

Well using the 'you' instead of the personal pronoun certainly involves the reader. I think this can work for a short piece like this but not sure whether or not it would do so for a longer one. I wonder if it would be better broken up and divided up into times to emphasise the 11 hour day but on the other hand maybe it is best left as it is.

R


>Eleven-Hour Day
>Copyright 2002 by James A. Danner
>
>You work an eleven-hour day and you don’t even eat.
>Nothing to do but think, think, think. About all the
>wrong things, and all the wrong women. So you
>compensate by turning the stereo up, almost as loud as
>it’ll go. And your boss comes in around one, mostly
>to check up on you, and says, “I sure hope your
>hearing improves.” And you answer, “Not if I keep
>playing the radio so loud.” And he laughs and you
>laugh but that is the extent of your conversation.
>You don’t even take any breaks. When you’re tired of
>painting, you drop your brush in the bucket and wonder
>aimlessly around the empty house for five minutes,
>looking for something else to occupy your mind or
>hands.
>You leave around six-thirty or seven and stop at the
>AM-PM to get some gas, and as you approach the
>entrance, a girl holds the door for you. She’s
>overweight but still attractive and she smiles shyly,
>self-consciously, and you return it but that’s about
>it. You’re too tired to talk.
> You buy a beer and open it on the road. To hell with
>the rules. It warms you immediately, and you remark
>to no one about how goddamn great that first beer
>always is, especially when the beer’s ice cold and the
>smell of paintfumes has made you ill.
> You get home, and there’s no one to greet you but
>your bird, and he does so endlessly until you tell him
>to shut up. But that doesn’t work either, so open his
>cage and he climbs out onto your arm, and eventually
>onto your shoulder.
> It’s dark, the curtains are closed but you don’t open
>them. You strip down instead, slumping into an
>easy-chair, busting open another beer and turning on
>the television. For company instead of entertainment.
> The only thing you really watch is Friends, only the
>syndicated episodes, and your favorites are the ones
>where Chandler’s in love with Joey’s girlfriend
>because those hit too close to the truth, except you
>never eventually got the girl. But you still see her,
>and often, and you still ache, always from afar,
>except on those rare occasions when she’s ill and she
>needs someone tender, but that’s always as far as it
>goes, and it’s all right, it’s better that YOU ache
>and not -----.
> But it’s best not to think about her. When Friends
>is over, you get up and turn on the stereo. You’re
>the only person in the world who still has a
>turntable, not because you’re some pretentious jerk,
>but because most of your favorite albums are not
>available on CD.
> You crack another beer, and your belly’s warm, got a
>good buzz going, so you shut off everything and bust
>out your guitar and sing some old sad songs to your
>bird, who sometimes sings along with you. And later,
>maybe you will write, but probably not, because by now
>it’s after nine and you gotta get up early for work.
>You’ll go to bed instead, maybe read for a few
>minutes, maybe thirty, and as you lay there after the
>lights are off, you’ll think of that line about how
>most men live lives of quiet desperation and realize
>that if this is true you are only average….
>—00—

[ Next Thread | Previous Thread | Next Message | Previous Message ]
[ Contact Forum Admin ]

Forum timezone: GMT-8
VF Version: 3.00b, ConfDB:
Before posting please read our privacy policy.
VoyForums(tm) is a Free Service from Voyager Info-Systems.
Copyright © 1998-2019 Voyager Info-Systems. All Rights Reserved.