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Date Posted: 03:53:16 05/05/02 Sun
Subject: The Ozbournes Tues. 4-30 episode (apologies to WE)
This was filmed at Christmas and begins with clips of Oz and Sharon's separate takes on Christmas. Ozzy emphatically hates it, in a Scrooge sort of way, and Sharon absolutely loves it in a shopping sort of way - I think there is a coordinating theme there.
We then are sidetracked by a discussion of the Oz employee conflicts with the law. It seems one of their 11 drivers for the tour was in a wreck. He was getting a blow job from a prostitute while driving. Since no one was hurt badly but only embarrassed, Oz and Sharon, get a big laugh out of it and how it might have been explained to the police.
Sharon also tells Oz that their security man and his son were arrested for stealing from the neighbors. It seems they were arrested at Ozzie's place and to Sharon's amusement wearing one of Ozzy's promotional T-shirts. Now that's advertisement! Ozzy wants someone to check the jewelry and the silverwear. Later in the show we see the security man explaining the falseness of the charges to Sharon and we get the impression he may have been arrested simply because he was black and in a posh neighborhood. I wonder if the complaining neighbors were the new residents of Pat Boone's house just trying to get a little revenge on the Osbournes.
Now we are back to Sharon and Christmas shopping. Delivery men arrive with packages from her shopping extravaganza. There must be a dozen or more and half of them are monster size ones form Gucci's. Ozzy about has apoplexy. He tells Sharon those Gucci bags are a death nell, he'll have to tour 9 more years just to pay for them!
In the next scene Sharon is waxing romantic over the impending events of Christmas day. She wistfully thinks of the fun having family and friends all together, presents opened, the kids going off to do something as a group and then she and Ozzy having quiet romantic moments together by the fireside. Ozzy, ever the Scrooge and the realist, says he'll take bets on how long it takes for the first argument to break out among the kids, then they'll all argue and call each other bastards and he'll go to bed early in self-defense.
Sharon has purchased someone a plastic statue of James Brown, I presume as a gag gift. When a button is pressed it sings and dances like James Brown. Oz keeps pushing the button over and over like a fascinated child. Sharon tells him to stop because it is driving her crazy. As an answer Oz presses the button again and begins singing and dancing along with the statue. He loves this toy!!
Christmas morning has arrived. Ozzy comes down stairs in a black baggy muscle shirt, black sweats and fuzzy, floppy black slippers. He gives hello hugs to the dogs and proceeds to the kitchen to help get the Christmas meal cooked. Sharon introduces a young man to the cameras, it's Ozzy's oldest son by a previous marriage, Louis. Sharon tells us he is special to the whole family and Ozzy is so pleased he could be with them for Christmas. It's kind of a nice guesture for a step-mother.
The two sons help Oz with the gravy which is apparently one of his specialties (maybe his only one) and a source of great pride. He places it on the table saying rather flamboyantly, "Ozzy Osbourne, International Rock Star and Gravy Maker Extraordinaire".
Part way into the meal, Jessica, who I think is Ozzy's daughter by his first marriage, tells the younger Kelly that she doesn't like the redness in her hair. Apparently there is rivalrous history between the two, because Kelly snaps back that she doesn't like the baldness in Jessica's hair and maybe she should consider a toupee. The she whines to mom about Jessica's comment. Ozzy looks over at Sharon with a knowing glance and then looks at his watch. No word on whether a fight initiation record was set or not!
In a later scene we see the whole family clearing and cleaning up after the Chistmas dinner and gift unwrapping. Jack is showing off a pocket knife that someone has given him and Kelly is fighting with him about whether he should carry it on him when he goes out in public. Next Sharon joins in the fight and in a rare move for Sharon, turns to Ozzy after Jack refuses to hand it over. Ozzy takes it away from Jack who whines that it is just a pocket knife with a very short blade (which it is), but Ozzy is not hearing any of it. Oz slips into the pantry with Sharon and hides it on a high shelf. Jack shuts the door on them, which apparently doesn't have a knob on the inside. After a little yelling, Jack lets his parents out.
Later Jack sneaks in the pantry and gets his knife, but Sharon sees it and tells Ozzie who wrestles it away from Jack. Ozzy wanders around the kitchen looking for a place to hide the knife. First he put it in the back of the utensil drawer, but decides that isn't good enough. Finally he settles on hiding it in a bowl of fruit. Jack is beside himself with anger and confusion, he just can't understand how it could possibly matter if he carried a small fold-up pocket knife with him. Ozzy explains to him - you're wearing a shirt with cocaine written on it, you have a Mohawk hair-cut, and now you want to carry a knife! If the police ever stopped you they'd cuff you, jail you or shoot you first, then ask questions. You are not taking it out of this house and that is final!! This is only the 2nd time I've seen Oz take this firm of a stand with Jack. I think he was really worried something bad could happen to him if he carried that knife. I'll bet he and Sharon would like to throttle the person that gave him the gift!
Well that was the end of another episode and it was a good one! My daughter heard that Sharon had said on a talk show that they would do another season, but that Entertainment Tonight was saying they were still thinking about it.
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