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Date Posted: 07:49:32 05/31/02 Fri
Author: Cari
Subject: Daily horoscope with a touch of humor

Aries (March 21 - April 19)

Remember: One tiddles one's winks, not vice versa. Winking one's tiddles would be crude, and is illegal in some states.

Taurus (April 20 - May 20)

While cracking your knuckles today, you will be a bit startled to hear a "ping" sound rather than a "pop". That's a bad habit, anyway.

Gemini (May 21 - June 20)

Today you will make new friends, one of whom will eventually borrow a large sum of money from you, prior to skipping town. Try to avoid fatty foods.

Cancer (June 21 - July 22)

Nothing ventured, nothing gained, is the rule for now. In fact, "nothing" will play a very large part in your future.

Leo (July 23 - August 22)

Excellent day to slurp soup. Remember: if you're going to do anything, do it well. Obviously, that includes slurping.

Virgo (August 23 - September 22)

Beware of iguanas, today.

Libra (September 22 - October 22)

You will get a postcard from the Forbidden City today, containing some very unsettling news. You won't realize that, of course, since it will be written in a language you don't understand.

Scorpio (October 23 - November 21)

In a strange turn of events, it will turn out that people wearing glasses not only look smarter, they ARE smarter (and have better memories). You'll forget all about that when you take off your reading glasses, of course.

Sagittarius (November 22 - December 21)

Today you'll become incensed at the thought that you missed out on all the fun during the 60's and 70's, and will change your name to "Sunflower" in protest.

Capricorn (December 22 - January 20)

Once you're that far behind, there's really no way to get caught up. You might as well do something fun instead. You can tell them I told you it was ok.

Aquarius (January 21 - February 18)

Lately you feel blessed with great abundance, as though your cup runneth over. Basically, you just need a bigger cup.

Pisces (February 19 - March 20)

Remember: loose lips sink ships. The really strange thing is, nobody's ever been able to explain to me why ships have lips in the first place, especially if they're that risky.

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