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Date Posted: 19:16:45 09/29/04 Wed
Author: Bob
Subject: Snappy comments about NON-jokes!!!

1. Two antennas meet on a roof, fall in love and get married. The ceremony wasn't much, but the reception was excellent.

Why would the fact that they fell in love improve the reception? You put two antennas next to each other and, if anything, the reception might get poorer.

2. Two hydrogen atoms walk into a bar. One says, "I've lost my electron." The other says, "Are you sure?" The first replies, "Yes, I'm positive..."

There's no punch line here. The first one is merely answering the question. Could something be missing from this "joke"?

3. A jumper cable walks into a bar. The bartender says, "I'll serve you, but don't start anything."

So what did the bartender do? Did he serve the jumper cable. And what would the jumper cable want to drink?

4. Two peanuts walk into a bar, and one was a salted.

Okay, what was the OTHER peanut? One was salted and the other one was not?

5. A sandwich walks into a bar. The bartender says, "Sorry we don't serve food in here."

No big deal. There are plenty of bars that only serve drinks. Bar/restaurants serve food.

Is there supposed to be a joke here?

6. A dyslexic man walks into a bra.

Typo error. He walked into a bar. But where's the joke?

7. A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm and says: "A beer please, and one for the road."

He was probably a construction worker ordering a beer. So what? He is as entitled to a brew as anyone else. I don't know why he would bring the asphalt into the bar. That's pretty silly.

8. Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the other: "Does this taste funny to you?"

So what did the other cannibal say? Why are so many of these jokes incomplete? I really think this is pretty sick anyway. Reminds me of that song "Timothy" where the minors ate Timothy. Gross!

9. "Doc, I can't stop singing 'The Green, Green Grass of Home'" "That sounds like Tom Jones Syndrome." "Is it common?" Doc says "It's Not Unusual."

"Tom Jones" was a great film. I think it won the Oscar for Best Picture. I don't remember green grass being an important part of the film but again I saw it years ago. So the guy sings a song (I am not familiar with that song) and he calls it the "Tom Jones Syndrome." Then the doctor says it's no big deal, it's reasonably common. So what?

There's a JOKE here???

Must be well-hidden.

10. Two cows standing next to each other in a field, Daisy says to Dolly, "I was artificially inseminated this morning." "I don't believe you," said Dolly. "It's true, no bull!" exclaimed Daisy.

So what did Dolly say to that. Artificial insemination IS possible with animals, just like with people.

11. An invisible man marries an invisible woman. The kids were nothing to look at either.

That's very silly. An invisible man cannot marry an invisible woman because they couldn't even see each other and wouldn't know the other one was there. So obviously there would be no marriage and no children.

12. A man takes his Rottweiler to the vet and says, "My dog's cross-eyed, is there anything you can do for him?" "Well," says the vet, "let's have a
look at him" So he picks the dog up and examines his eyes, then checks his teeth. Finally, he says, "I'm going to have to put him down." "What? Because he's cross-eyed?" "No, because he's really heavy."

I have never heard of a dog being put to sleep for being cross-eyed. This vet shouldn't have a license!!!

13. I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn't find any.

A lot of stores sell them. The joke doesn't say what store the person went to.

14. I went to the butcher's the other day and I bet him 50 bucks that he couldn't reach the meat off the top shelf. He said, "No, the steaks are too high."

That is ridiculous. He should have taken a friggin' ladder and he could have won the bet!!!

15 . I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.

Typo error here, you mean pulled a MUSCLE. That's easy to do in a disco, particularly at MY age (65)!!! I was smart enough NEVER to go to a disco. Couldn't stand the music!!!

16 . What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh.

Huh? A fish with no eyes may be blind but it is still a FISH! Having no eyes has nothing to do with the spelling of the word FISH!!!

17 . Two termites walk into a bar. One asks, "Is the bar tender here?"

So he asked if the bartender was here? WAS he? Did he serve them? Did the other termite answer the question???

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