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Subject:  To all you soldiers, come sit down and have a laugh. |
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Author: Whosshe |
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Date Posted: 01:29:13 09/21/02 Sat I may not know much about Farscape, but I know sometimes you Need a good laugh. So I pinched these off of different sites. I don't get them at ALL! But you probably will.... ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ These jokes were contributed by v_voltaire of the Farscape board. Farscape Light Bulb Jokes How many Delvians does it take to change a lightbulb? Only one, but first she must understand that it must want to change itself, or else the Delvian must respect its wishes not to change. How many pilots does it take to change a lightbulb? None. They get the DRDs to do it for them. How many Peacekeepers does it take to change a lightbulb? None. If it changes in any way it will be considered contaminated and must be sentenced to execution immediately. How many Skykarians (TGIF Again) does it take to change a lightbulb? One, but ironically his shop is only open on Saturdays. How many Draks (Exodus From Genesis) does it take to screw in a lightbulb? None, only the hive queen can produce offspring. (rimshot) How many Tavleks (Throne for a Loss) does it take to change a lightbulb? None. Why use lightbulbs when you can make your hand glow? How does Rygel XVI change a lightbulb? He doesn’t do manual labor, but I’d bet he could get you a good deal on one. How many Sheyangs (PK Tech Girl) does it take to change a lightbulb? Only one, but that’s only if it displays any weakness. How many Luxans does it take to change a lightbulb? Only one, but you can be sure that a DRD will be broken in the process. From StarPaw (as told by Pilot): How many bipeds does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Eight—one to figure out that the light is out, three to find everything, and four to decide the procedure for installing it. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ http://www.sadgeezer.com/farscape/fs-test.htm This a purity test for Farscape. I got... Your point score was between 45% and 70%. Your knowledge of FARSCAPE is competent though you believe this test is rubbish anyway. There are some other interesting characteristics about your personality that you might like to know about. A detailed breakdown is provided below. FARSCAPE SADGEEZER PERSONALITY PROFILE FARSCAPE is almost as good as sex. Although you are not a FARSCAPE addict, you are aspiring to attain MANIC ACADEMIC FARSCAPE FANATIC status. You have seen most of the FARSCAPE episodes but you are a little embarrassed at not having seen them from the start. You blame your mother for this oversight. Almost nothing will interrupt your enjoyment of an episode as it is being aired on TV. You have between 5 and 10 episodes on videotape. You are NOT as completely aware of the plot as you like to think and you regularly misinterpret the storyline. This happens regularly and, strangely, this contributes overall to your enjoyment of the show. Unfortunately, because of this, you do not get on with other Sad Geezers whom you believe are FARSCAPE TWERPS. The most attactive member of the cast is Chiana/Crichton You do not like to admit this, but you will argue for hours on insignificant details of the episodes, in some cases making it up as you go along, in the hope that you will win the argument. The next best thing to sex as far as you are concerned is NOT watching a FARSCAPE episode, but TALKING about it. This is extremely stimulating (unless of course, you are talking to another Sad Geezer). If you were to play a walk on part in Farscape it would be as a male Delvian or a female Luxan Sad Geezers are terrific lovers. You are modest. A Sad Geezers partner does not watch FARSCAPE, is not interested in it, and even attempts to wind you up about it. Nevertheless, he/she will always be yours because you are so good in bed. You are obviously attractive to members of the opposite sex who continually hound you with offers of friendship and love. You dismiss these because you always have a partner and because you are an all round 'good person', after all, why should you spread it around when you can lay it on thick? You are a social animal, everyone likes you and, although you enjoy talking about FARSCAPE to people who don't want to listen, this is seen as a quirky and entertaining characteristic of your personality. For reasons that you are not quite able to fathom, children get on with you better than you get on with them. It should be pointed out that these conclusions should only be taken seriously if they are correct! ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ I didn't cheat! See yous guys are rubbing off on me. Dirty dogs! ;) It's funny, it's only really right about who I think are most attractive on the show. I think, I didn't read all of this. Short attention span. I blame T.V. BUT, WOULD SOMEBODY PLEASE TELL ME THE ANSWER TO #15??? ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Some regular jokes.... Yo Mamma yo mamma is so fat, Jesus can't lift her soul! ~~~~~~~~~~~~ In the elevator A small white guy gets into an elevator, when he gets in he notices a huge black dude standing next to him. The big dude looks down upon the small guy and says: "7 foot tall, 350 pounds, 20 inch d*ck, 3 pound left ball, 3 pound right ball, Turner Brown." The small white guy faints! The big dude picks up the small guy, brings him to, slapping his face and shaking him, and asks the guy, "What's wrong?" The small white guy says, "Excuse me but what did you say?" The big dude looks down and says "7 foot tall, 350 pounds, 20 inch d*ck, 3 pound left ball, 3 pound right ball, my name is Turner Brown." The small guy says, "Thank god, I thought you said 'Turn around.'" ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Things never to say to a naked man 30 Things Never to Say to a Naked Man 1. I've smoked fatter joints than that. 2. Ahhhh, it's cute. 3. Why don't we just cuddle? 4. You know they have surgery to fix that. 5. Make it dance. 6. Can I paint a smiley face on it? 7. Wow, and your feet are so big. 8. It's OK, we'll work around it. 9. Will it squeak if I squeeze it? 10. Oh no... a flash headache. 11. (giggle and point) 12. Can I be honest with you? 13. How sweet, you brought incense. 14. This explains your car. 15. Maybe if we water it, it'll grow. 16. Why is God punishing me? 17. At least this won't take long. 18. I never saw one like that before. 19. But it still works, right? 20. It looks so unused. 21. Maybe it looks better in natural light. 22. Why don't we skip right to the cigarettes? 23. Are you cold? 24. If you get me real drunk first. 25. Is that an optical illusion? 26. What is that? 27. It's a good thing you have so many other talents. 28. Does it come with an air pump? 29. So this is why you're supposed to judge people on personality. 30. I guess this makes me the 'early bird'. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ From Jackie the joke man... SCARE ME? A guy's on the electric chair. The warden's just about to pull the switch when the guy gets the hiccups. The warden says, "Do you have any last requests?" The guy says, "(hic) Yeah... (hic) could you please do (hic) could you please do something to scare me?" ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ SUCK CHOCOLATE A guy goes to visit his grandmother and he brings his friends with him. While he's talking to his grandmother, his friend starts eating the peanuts on the coffee table, and finishes them off. As they're leaving, his friend says to his grandmother, "Thanks for the peanuts." She says, "Yeah, since I lost my dentures I can only suck the chocolate off 'em." :):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):) HOLY WATER You know how to make holy water? You take some regular water and you boil the hell out of it. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ SHELLFISH Why don't lobsters share? They're shellfish. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~` From Rodney Dangerfield... Did you hear about the basketball player who married a midget? He was nuts over her. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Ok, thats it from me for now. I hope you had a laugh, and feel happy now. Love, WS [ Next Thread | Previous Thread | Next Message | Previous Message ] |
| Subject | Author | Date |
| Re: To all you soldiers, come sit down and have a laugh. | whosshe | 09:46:55 09/22/02 Sun |
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| Re: To all you soldiers, come sit down and have a laugh. | NieMMY | 00:36:21 09/26/02 Thu |
