Re: Trisomy 13 -- Poor Prenatal Diagnosis-Advice And Support

[ Show ]

Support VoyForums

[ Shrink ]

VoyForums Announcement: Programming and providing support for this service has been a labor of love since 1997. We are one of the few services online who values our users' privacy, and have never sold your information. We have even fought hard to defend your privacy in legal cases; however, we've done it with almost no financial support -- paying out of pocket to continue providing the service. Due to the issues imposed on us by advertisers, we also stopped hosting most ads on the forums many years ago. We hope you appreciate our efforts.

Show your support by donating any amount. (Note: We are still technically a for-profit company, so your contribution is not tax-deductible.) PayPal Acct: Feedback:

Donate to VoyForums (PayPal):

[ Login ] [ Contact Forum Admin ] [ Main index ] [ Post a new message ] [ Search | Check update time | Archives: 1, [2] ]

Subject: Re: Trisomy 13

Author:
Shellie

[ Next Thread | Previous Thread | Next Message | Previous Message ]

Date Posted: 17:10:19 11/01/03 Sat
In reply to: John Van Schaick 's message, "Trisomy 13" on 10:22:31 11/01/03 Sat

Dear John,

I'm so very sorry about he diagnosis you have received. My heart goes out to you and your wife! Since you are asking for the pro-life stance on aborting in the case of Trisomy 13, I'll share my perspective....

Monica did a wonderful job expressing my same opinon. If I was ever put in this awful position, I would treasure every moment with my baby. I would hope that the baby was born living so that I could hold the baby and tell him how much he is loved. I would allow for him to be taken in God's time and with the dignity he deserves.

I know a couple who were faced with this same diagnosis. They chose to continue the pregnancy and were able to have a few precious weeks with their daughter. If you'd like to connect with them, let me know and I'll give you their e-mail address.

Please feel free to post as often as you'd like. I will be saying many prayers for you and your wife.

Take care,

Shellie

[ Next Thread | Previous Thread | Next Message | Previous Message ]

Replies:

[> Subject:

Re: Trisomy 13

Author:
Elizabeth
[ Edit | View ]

Date Posted: 13:57:13 11/07/03 Fri

John,

I guess I should say I'm not gonna answer your question!

"pro-life position" is too impersonal for me...I know this is a big debate thing.

But for me, I just delivered & then lost a tiny girl to a chromosomal abnormality this year. So, the thought of not delivering her is very personal.

And all I can offer that maybe is useful is my own story.
I had a beautiful girl in my arms. I found out during the pregnancy that her body had not developed the way one would hope. And because of the central nervous system issues, there was major growth retardation (about 4.5 lbs full term, and I'd delivered an 8lb child previously), so they figured she would not even last through birth.

I don't think I would have gotten to hold her if she'd been aborted. (And I guess with the new legislation, it would be especially unlikely that one would want to hold the baby.) But I also don't think I *could* have held her if she'd been aborted. And holding her, even had she been born still, was so therapeutic to help me see what I'd lost, see what I'd carried, see what I'd felt move. And to see that her life had unfolded however it was intended.

I'm usually not a terribly "spooky" person and my husband is pretty skeptical about anything usual, but we'd both say that there were astounding moments with her. We KNEW she saw angels, had a soul that was waiting to go home. We just KNEW. She never smiled, she was at her death at 5 months exactly like holding a very very small newborn. No "skills" ...but we knew she recognized us. Tiny cues. She'd snuggle into us when we held her (she couldn't even hold her head up at all at any point). She was astounding.
And I miss her a ton.

But I really don't think this would be any easier if I hadn't seen her face.

I am SO sorry that you are experiencing this. My heart is so heavy for your burden. But if you & your wife find that you can somehow be open to whatever little life unfolds with this baby, I promise you that you will have moments of complete and profound awe. Life-changing beauty. The most astounding gift. And the deepest grief.
But like I said, I don't know that the grief will be less if you choose to terminate the baby now.
There is light, there is hope. And the road there is so hard.